I just can’t fucking get on board with this one

[Streamorwatchlive]

From The Guardian today.

Never swear in front of your kids. Sandahl says swearing encourages a reduction in vocabulary. “‘Fuck’ is a catch-all word: but we’ve got a beautiful language, and we have so many words to express what we feel,” she says.

I’d like to see this evidence that by including swear words in your vocabulary that you are simultaneously reducing it overall. I swear like a trooper and I am a writer with a fantastic vocab (not a commercial tabloid type, this isn’t for a story don’t worry!)

In the real world, of course, we all swear occasionally: and, if you do, the important thing, says Sandahl, is to own it, to maybe laugh about it, to explain why you’re feeling frustrated. “Instead, be honest about the fact that you overreacted; ask your child what better word you could have used instead.”

first off I take issue with the fact that one might only swear when frustrated or angry. I rarely swear in aggression.

secondly, the thought of getting down to a 3 year old’s level and saying ‘let’s think of ten beautiful words mummy could have used instead of fuck’ is ludicrous.

I’d rather teacher my child that words are words and all words can be beautiful I’m the right context.

thoughts?

I swear a lot, but have tried to not do so in front of Dd. I say a lot of mother cruncher, gosh dang it, dang, fudge/fudging hell etc.

She has asked about swear words and I said they’re fine at home but we mustn’t use them at school or in front of other people until you’re much older which she’s fine with.

Swearing in front of children is interesting because it’s a choice between an adult controlling themselves or an adult telling a child to know when to control themselves.

Do as I say, not as I do?

I don't swear much anyway and definitely not in front of the kids. I also hate it when other adults do it when there are young kids around. Some people just pop it out all the time so I guess it doesn't seem wrong to them.

I’m rather struck by the irony that while claiming swearing doesn’t reduce vocabulary, posters are only referring to “fuck” and it’s marvellous and varied forms.

what about all the other swear words?

I only heard my father say fuck twice in my life - I try not to swear too much, because it has more impact if people know you as a non-swearer. But I do swear, especially at my computer screen.

Personally, I never swear unless I stub my toe. I know I’m in the minority.

My husband swears a good bit.

We never swear in front of the children as we both think it’s horrible.

I still laugh at 'off you fuck then, cunty chops ...'

I'm from a country (bet you can't guess which one 🙈) where swearing is literally part of our culture. I swear a lot. Presumably more than most as when I went to Uni outside my region, the locals commented quite frequently on my swearing. *

Consider myself well read and well spoken and written and verbal communication is a massive part of my job. Still swear like fucking trooper though!

• To be fair, it was my use of what they called the "c-bomb" most of them objected to. But where I'm from, it's almost a term of affection 🙈

I don’t swear that much - normally it’s when I’ve dropped something or made a silly mistake . My teens have great vocabularies - including plenty of swear words . Turns out my influence was pretty irrelevant

I used to agree!

I swear, my kids don’t (except sneakily to each other) they’re just words. Fuck em.

I swear around adults. I have said shit once I think when I was royally pissed off, but other than that I don’t swear around them, and I don’t swear in front of other people’s children.

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/swearing-study-intelligent-intelligence-university-of-rochester-a7916516.html

Anyone who disagrees can fuck off.

People talking about not wanting give swear words meaning are missing the point. The reasons why swear words feel so satisfying, is because they do express some kind of disgust, rage or anger at a certain situation, in quite a primal and taboo way. There is a vulgarity there which feels tangible and reflects some kind of inner annoyance perfectly. The reason why swear words feel good, and why people with extensive vocabularies enjoy swearing, is because they are on another level from other, non offensive words. If swear words weren’t set apart from non swear words, the. They would have no function. They are supposed to have a crudeness and rudeness to them, otherwise everyone would be going around saying ‘goodness me!’ or ‘golly gosh!’.

Its why, as a primary school teacher, I’d be seriously reprimanded if I asked the children to ‘turn the f*king page, please’ or exclaimed ‘oh, f*k!’ When I drop my whiteboard pen mid-lesson.

Swear words are adult words, and that’s the whole point of them. I don’t like exposing any children to words which I wouldn’t want them to copy. Swear words are vulgar and I don’t like my kids hearing them.

They will hear them plenty from people outside the family but that doesn’t mean that I want to be part of it.

I don’t swear around kids but I am a fairly sweary person otherwise. I don’t buy the argument about it limiting vocabulary, I just don’t think they should be swearing until they have the maturity to judge when it is and isn’t appropriate.

This thread reminded me of this.

Linguistic studies into swearing tend to show that "swearers" have a greater vocabulary than non or more limited "swearers".

Like most parents I know, we didn't swear in front of the DS when they were children but I think that is due to societal/cultural pressure. I doubt children hearing swearing will be damaged - obviously not talking about abusive situations &/or aggressive language, etc.

In this case Sandahl is just wrong.

There are 3 swear word rules in our house.

1. adults can and do swear freely
2. you do not swear in front of mom until you are 18 (you can swear in front of dad and out of earshot of any other adults as often as you like
3. you NEVER swear AT mom (me) and dad.

The no swearing in front of mom until you are 18 is nothing more than teaching them to mind how they use swear words in front of other adults. It’s a skill well learnt to know how not to swear in front of someone inappropriate (ie a boss).

I am under no illusions that my children swear 🤷🏻‍♀️

I see that Sandahl is Danish, but I'm wondering if they write for the US market? The US is notoriously prudish, even compared to most people's nanas...
I agree fully that swearing doesn't diminish anyone's vocabulary, but I think the point about swearing is that they need to be slightly taboo words in order to 'work'. They have a particular function in language, just like any other word.

Also the hard sounds of our strongest swear words are important, because that's partly why they work to relieve tension, express pain, anger, frustration, etc. If you never, ever use any swear words, I think that's quite strange (from someone who doesn't swear much but I certainly do sometimes).

I am highly articulate but think ‘fuck’ is a multi purpose word - I use it as a verb, adverb, noun, pronoun, adjective! It can be adapted for most situations !

I have a lovely Scottish friend who once infamously uttered about a broken vending machine ..” the fucking fucker is fucking fucked” !! He got the message across without any ambiguity 🤣

@Medusaismyhero Are you Irish?!!!

How did you guess?!

100%

I don’t swear around my kids ever (maybe once or twice in about 10 years). At their school swearing is taken really seriously in terms of discipline and I don’t think it’s fair to expect them to remember two different sets of rules. Plus I don’t really see the need.

I don't swear around my younger children but my eldest is nearly 19 so less of an issue. I just choose not to personally.

There's a difference between kids who occasionally hear dad say "oh shit I forgot my keys" and those who are regularly exposed to mum screaming " your fucking cunt of a brother called again today, he needs to piss off". So I wouldn't agree that the line is "ok to swear in front of children but not at them".

I work in a school, got called a "fucking bitch" by a five year old the other day. A bit jarring.