I just can’t fucking get on board with this one

[Streamorwatchlive]

From The Guardian today.

Never swear in front of your kids. Sandahl says swearing encourages a reduction in vocabulary. “‘Fuck’ is a catch-all word: but we’ve got a beautiful language, and we have so many words to express what we feel,” she says.

I’d like to see this evidence that by including swear words in your vocabulary that you are simultaneously reducing it overall. I swear like a trooper and I am a writer with a fantastic vocab (not a commercial tabloid type, this isn’t for a story don’t worry!)

In the real world, of course, we all swear occasionally: and, if you do, the important thing, says Sandahl, is to own it, to maybe laugh about it, to explain why you’re feeling frustrated. “Instead, be honest about the fact that you overreacted; ask your child what better word you could have used instead.”

first off I take issue with the fact that one might only swear when frustrated or angry. I rarely swear in aggression.

secondly, the thought of getting down to a 3 year old’s level and saying ‘let’s think of ten beautiful words mummy could have used instead of fuck’ is ludicrous.

I’d rather teacher my child that words are words and all words can be beautiful I’m the right context.

thoughts?

Someone once said that the beauty of some cultures is that when they insult you or really want to tell you about yourself, they use sentences that make you think twice.

swearing is part of life I guess.

What can be amusing is when you are having a heated debate or argument with someone and they don’t have the vocab to express themselves so the only response they have is “fuck you” “twat” “a**hole” … really there’s nothing else.

I have a rich and often profane vocabulary but I never tempered it in front of my kids. I have always sworn with gay abandon - in their company, never at them.

They’re now young adults and, bizarrely, I’ve never heard them swear. I’d hope they do as I think it is one of the pleasures of language.

To quote Stephen Fry, ‘the sort of twee person who thinks swearing is in any way a sign of a lack of education or a lack of verbal interest is just a fucking lunatic.’

I do drop the odd fuck bomb. Who doesn't?

I can't bear it when it's every other sentence, or used as a filler word and just dropped into casual, everyday conversation. That does make people sound as though they don't have a very full vocabulary. In fact, it makes them come across as really not very bright.

Guess like everything else it's about context.

I swear in front of ours in urdu, so it means generally no one knows I’m swearing, it also means people generally don’t know when our son swears.

Based on your reasoning, I'm interested why you have taught your 8 year old that kids aren't meant to swear?

Sometimes only a good "fuck" will do.

Yes I like swearing. If and when appropriate

Call me an old fuddy duddy though but I hate hearing kids and teenagers yelling out fuck and cunt. I hate hearing men swearing aggressively.

I try not to swear around grandchildren and an Aunt who mightily disapproves.
But my language is colourful, it's quite normal for where I was raised and yes I have more than one brain cell 🤣
I don't swear AT people and have never abused anyone working.

What the fuckity fuck is this cuntfucking fuckwittery?!

Never swear in front of your kids.
I'm on board with this. In fact I go as far as not doing it in front of other people's children too.
Exactly. Why encourage your DC to behave in a way that may make certain people think less of them? It's the same as encouraging please and thank yous. As a family, you may not be bothered, but in certain situations it might make the difference in a situation to benefit your DC and would never endanger people's attitude to them.

I have a complete potty mouth. So does DP.

My DC are teens now and we swear in front of them and we have no problem with them swearing, providing it's not used aggressively at someone. And we have this standard in our home because I wouldn't accept DP calling me a "fucking cunt" or whatever in anger. But used colloquially and in general everyday use, I don't care. I do get a bit fed-up if they're littering their sentences with swear words as it's lazy communication and just excessive. Every now and again we all agree that we'll try to swear a bit less, and it works for a while.

We didn't swear in front of the DC when they were younger. And I still think that was the right thing to do.

I've been thinking about why that feels "right" and I think it's because:

a) younger children don't understand nuance and context
b) younger children might repeat it inappropriately
c) in a young, developing mind it could stunt vocabulary growth
d) as a society the accepted etiquette is not to swear, and part of parenting is teaching children how to behave appropriately around others
e) because it can be habit-forming and in some occupations/workplaces swearing could result in disciplinary action - it's important that we're choosing to swear and able to control our language
f) if you're exposing children to swear words, then it may raise questions about the rest of your parenting choices (rightly or wrongly)
g) if you can't express yourself without swearing, you sound thick (again, rightly or wrongly but it's true)

Younger children are impressionable and there are lots of things we, as adults, collectively agree not to expose children to because they're not mature enough. I think swearing is one of those things (and I'm not referring to the occasional, accidental F-bomb!)

I'm with you on this.

So we’ve told the kids only swear in context and not to use it every other word, it sounds scummy.
So many times I’ve walked past groups of kids and hear “ my fucking bag got fucking broken and the fucking teacher made me fucking….” You get the drift. Hate it. If they’d stopped after the first fucking it would be something 😂

Our dc don’t swear in front of us, or if they have they’ve asked permission first 🙈

@Wolfricbriandumbledore for me its not just "would this shock Granny?" but would it shock pretty much anyone who might hear me say this word. If I wouldnt say it at a job interview, whilst chatting to my childs teacher, to a bunch of primary school children, to my GP, to my neighbours who are over 60, to my parents, to a member of staff in a shop/restaurant/cafe/hotel........... I wont say it - but its easier and far quicker to think "would it shock my Nan?" If yes then its unlikely to be a word in my vocabulary.

my latest favourite is "oh for fuck's fucking sake!" it rolls off my tongue like enraged poetry when I am in a rage which seems to be an almost hourly basis these days.

fuck this

I don't mind swearing as punctuation, I've worked amongst men who really can't help swearing every other word. I very rarely do so and if I did they knew it was serious! If someone actually swears at me that is a different thing and I do object to that. I wouldn't swear in front of children.

My DC as a two year old came home after being in the car with her DF (who is known to swear a bit) and clearly said 'dickhead' tried very hard to suppress laughter. But one problem with swearing/using unacceptable (I know no such thing) language is small children pick it up and use it.

Based on your reasoning, I'm interested why you have taught your 8 year old that kids aren't meant to swear?

@MsFrost I haven’t. It’s a societal standard that she’s picked up and she knows she’d get told off at school.

I tell her one needs to learn the times and places where swearing is ok and those where it’s not. Which is what most adults adhere to.

She likes a lot of pop music with swearing in and she asked me if she could sing the swear words and I said sure but not to do it at others’ houses unless she asks if they don’t mind.

Odd. Previous research has shown that it is often people with a good range of epithets, who swear creatively, that have higher literacy rates.

I can see only having fuck in your Fuckit Bucket could be limiting, may denote a lack of literacy, but when you need to make a pithy statement of ire fuck is often the best word to use.

So I'd say bollocks to such nincompoopery. Fuck such attempts at stifling a good Anglo Saxon swear!

How is it not a big deal?
Where would you draw the line? What word might be unacceptable for your child to use to another? I can think of several sexist, racist, and ableist words that children should not be familiar with from hearing them at home.

You can avoid using swear words and explain to your children that certain words are coarse or vulgar, and you're not 'giving words power' - you're teaching them manners and modeling manners yourself.

Sandahl can go fuck himself!

My motto is "Strong words for strong feelings." I don't believe certain words are inherently bad or good. Everything in balance. It does sound ugly and ignorant when a strong word is used too frequently.

The only book that got my son reading was this one. Includes way more than a mere fuck. I'm fine with that.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/This-Day-History-Went-Down/dp/1989351751/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1695399542&sr=8-1

Reading the responses here it looks like using the F-word is almost necessary for a person with a rich vocabulary

I should add, I do not swear all the time in front of my kids and never when they were tiny but they are old enough to hear the odd word and learn how to use them responsibly.

They know I would never swear at my parents, colleagues, their friends or at other people in a serious or offensive way but they are also aware that I might call someone a massive twat under my breath in the car or swear if I drop something on my foot etc. I've spoken to my eldest about knowing your audience and being aware of your surroundings. Calling your mate a prick on the school bus out of earshot of adults is different to telling your teacher to fuck off.