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Original poster

Don't know what to do pregnant and my husband says unhappy with sex life

253 replies

amyLF24 · 20/09/2023 21:13

Hey everyone.

I recently found out I was pregnant, I'm only 6 weeks. For further info I am 32F and my husband and I have been trying for two years, I finally fell pregnant it was a shock. I was anxious at first but I've been starting to feel really happy about it.

The issue is my husband mentioned a few days after I found out I was pregnant and now this week that he is unhappy with our sex life. He thinks it is too vanilla and he wants excitement. I asked him what it was that he was looking for. He then started going on about having sex with other people, swinging, having threesomes. I said I'm sorry but I wouldn't be happy with that, but if there are things that the two of us could do to make it more exciting that I would consider them.

He then said I know you just have a different mindset from me and I don't want to upset you. He then said obviously I need to think about whether that's an issue not being able to have sex with others and what we could do just us two to mitigate that.

I'm sitting there thinking I'm 6 weeks pregnant and now I am feeling very anxious about our relationship. I have no idea what to do. I want him to be able to talk to me about it but equally I said to him it's not just about upsetting me it's about my life too, like I'm sitting here 6 weeks pregnant and now feeling very anxious when I was happy about being pregnant. Telling all my family.

What would you do if you were in my situation?

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 20/09/2023 22:11

He's saying he wants to have sex with other people because you're pregnant. I've walked this mile. I became a lone parent when DS was 2 years old because he fucked off with OW. In your situation I'd have a termination this early. I'm sorry to sound so blunt and my heart aches for you but think hard about what you're facing. You're deserving of so much more Flowers

PurpleRadish · 20/09/2023 22:11

He is not dad material. I personally would not want to coparent with such a dick but that's up to you. Dump and run. 32 is still enough time to meet someone new. Keep the baby if you want but please leave him. He will take advantage of the fact you are vulnerable. Been there done that.
.

Ollifer · 20/09/2023 22:11

So what's the solution in his eyes? You agree to him shagging around or...?

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mycoffeecup · 20/09/2023 22:12

I'd be thankful he said it now and not in 6m, leave and terminate the pregnancy personally

Bassetlover · 20/09/2023 22:13

Wow! Just.....wow! Just when my opinion of men could sink no lower.

You poor thing! I think you should cut your losses and leave now. Only you can decide whether to keep your pregnancy. Hope you have plenty of support, make sure you have someone to confide in.

Flopsythebunny · 20/09/2023 22:15

S910441 · 20/09/2023 22:04

Pretty obvious you're female if you've just said that you're pregnant...

Show quote history

Give the op a break.!

Mischance · 20/09/2023 22:15

Good grief! What can he be thinking? Does he really think this is an acceptable thing to say to his 6 week pregnant wife?

There are some pretty shitty men out there and sadly you seem to have got yourself one of them. There is no way I would be wanting to bring up a child with this person.

I am so very sorry that you find yourself in this situation.

FallGall · 20/09/2023 22:16

I can't get passed the part where he wants to do a threesome with his pregnant wife!

Walk my darling please walk away, as fast as you can.

Yes you CAN afford to have this baby if you want. You can do this for your wee baby if not for yourself.

He's telling you who he is. LISTEN!!

Mischance · 20/09/2023 22:16

Honestly he is not parent material. Go it alone and bring your child up with decent values.

MeinKraft · 20/09/2023 22:18

amyLF24 · 20/09/2023 21:49

@Ollifer yes to be honest the second conversation happened tonight and I was so angry but I tried to remain calm as he said he doesn't feel like he can talk to me about it as he knows it will upset me and he doesn't have a solution. And he doesn't have many friends to confide in about this. But I was like well it doesn't feel like we have come to a resolution and I don't want you bringing this up in another two weeks time so now I'm in limbo.

I have a solution, kick him out and he can go and attempt to shag whoever he wants the dirty bastard.

RomComPhooey · 20/09/2023 22:19

IsThePopeCatholic · 20/09/2023 21:37

Don’t stay with this man. He’s not happy with you. He’ll only get worse if / when you have the baby. He’s already looking elsewhere for sex. Don’t let him coerce you into doing stuff you do not want to do.

This 👆 Don’t let him bargain you down to “just anal” instead of swinging or any of the other outrageous suggestions he’s made. There’s nothing wrong with vanilla if that’s where your tastes lie. Send him on his way if he wants a diet of rum and raisin with sprinkles. He can have it, but he can’t make you join in.

Boshi · 20/09/2023 22:20

So sorry OP, this obsession with threesomes and having sex with other people comes from porn. Unfortunately it’s hard for them to come off it or stop wanting to do the stuff they are seeing. He won’t stop asking for it, please don’t ever be talked into it or let him wear you down with talk of it. Better to leave him, bring up the child on your own if need be.

Keep reiterating that you will never be down for that kind of stuff. Don’t let him suggest stuff that is a slippery slope to it either, like chatting to people online or videos etc.

Justleaveitblankthen · 20/09/2023 22:25

LovelyBitOfSquirrrel · 20/09/2023 21:33

He sounds awful but sorry why does your bra size matter?

😂 This is what I thought too, before I realised it's Age and Gender 🤓

emmylousings · 20/09/2023 22:31

I know it's not uncommon for pregnancy to trigger wierd behaviour in men, but this is up there. I'm wondering if the pregnancy has caused a fight/ flight reaction in him, so he's doing a bit if sabotage? Mess it up so he can leave..

CwmYoy · 20/09/2023 22:32

Plan a life for yourself and your baby without this awful man.

jays · 20/09/2023 22:33

I swear to god have never said this on here ever and I’ve been here for years… I would leave him.

WhatWouldChristineCagneyDo · 20/09/2023 22:37

So he wants to shag around huh? I doubt he'd be so happy if you said 'oh great! I've been wanting a threesome all my life! I can't wait to find some great big hunk to bring into our bedroom'

Bet you anything he'd get in a massive strop if you actively started looking for men for a three way, you'd be inundated with offers. Him? I doubt he'd find it so easy to find a woman.

He thinks he's got you well and truly under the thumb now you're pregnant, and you'll put up with anything just to keep him.

Get rid of this excuse for a man and have a good think about if you feel able to go forward as a single parent.

Ladyj84 · 20/09/2023 22:38

Sorry but if my other half even mentioned three somes or whatever he would be out the door. I have respect

Marshall564 · 20/09/2023 22:42

jlpth · 20/09/2023 21:39

I bet your parents would want to vomit if they knew the shit he was saying to you/putting you through.

That was my thought too. Imagine talking to your parents about marital issues and saying things are difficult for us at the moment as Steve wants us to be swingers!

Letsgetouttahere2023 · 20/09/2023 22:44

Time to walk

Duckingella · 20/09/2023 22:45

When you said he wanted to spice things up I envisioned sexy lingerie,maybe a naughty nurse outfit or nipple clamps etc not swinging and threesomes!

Talk about going to the extreme.Also let's not forget multiple partners mean a higher risk of STD's including ones that you can contract even with the use sum of condoms which can be a huge risk to your unborn baby.

What kind of weirdo wants other men shagging their pregnant wife?

Notaflippinclue · 20/09/2023 22:46

Husbands come and go children are forever

Morty12 · 20/09/2023 22:50

I think he is either self sabotaging the relationship/ pregnancy hoping you will either leave him or abort.
Or he genuinely wants thresomes etc and now you are pregnant he thinks he has you trapped and can do what he wants.

Cherrylily7 · 20/09/2023 22:54

Dump him. Even if he doesn't act on what he says he wants now he will at some point and may or may not tell you about it
He will likely use this as excuse to resent you and/or leave you anyway so get in first so you don't have to live with insecurity
Personally I would have a termination because do you want this prick in your life forever and how will you manage a child alone financially
What a piece of shit
You deserve much better than he can ever offer

EtiennePalmiere · 20/09/2023 22:56

He's telling you indirectly that he doesn't want to be a father