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Original poster

Don't know what to do pregnant and my husband says unhappy with sex life

253 replies

amyLF24 · 20/09/2023 21:13

Hey everyone.

I recently found out I was pregnant, I'm only 6 weeks. For further info I am 32F and my husband and I have been trying for two years, I finally fell pregnant it was a shock. I was anxious at first but I've been starting to feel really happy about it.

The issue is my husband mentioned a few days after I found out I was pregnant and now this week that he is unhappy with our sex life. He thinks it is too vanilla and he wants excitement. I asked him what it was that he was looking for. He then started going on about having sex with other people, swinging, having threesomes. I said I'm sorry but I wouldn't be happy with that, but if there are things that the two of us could do to make it more exciting that I would consider them.

He then said I know you just have a different mindset from me and I don't want to upset you. He then said obviously I need to think about whether that's an issue not being able to have sex with others and what we could do just us two to mitigate that.

I'm sitting there thinking I'm 6 weeks pregnant and now I am feeling very anxious about our relationship. I have no idea what to do. I want him to be able to talk to me about it but equally I said to him it's not just about upsetting me it's about my life too, like I'm sitting here 6 weeks pregnant and now feeling very anxious when I was happy about being pregnant. Telling all my family.

What would you do if you were in my situation?

OP posts:
VeronicaSawyer89 · 20/09/2023 21:14

Oh dear, OP. I really don't think you should have a child with this man. He's either already cheating, or he's planning to.

Mum2jenny · 20/09/2023 21:17

Being positive, I think he may be scared about the reality of your pregnancy, but he’s being a dick.
If he pushes any further, I’d be considering separating, but I know that’s a difficult choice for you.

Sparkletastic · 20/09/2023 21:20

How would you feel about bringing up your child if you had to end your marriage?

Interested in this thread?

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YouJustDoYou · 20/09/2023 21:25

Er, if my dh was wanting to shag around, pregnant or no, that would be the end for me, personally. He wouldn't love me enough to just want me, and whilst some might be cool with their partner not being satisfied with just them it's not something I could live with, always wondering for the rest of my life with him has he fulfilled his fantasy? Who's he out with now? Etc.

He's just told you he wants threesomes etc, and to "swing" ie he doesn't care if someone else sleeps with you. He's just told you you aren't the love of his life. He's just told you just you don't make him happy.

Off you fuck then, dh. Go shag whatever you want, seeing as I'm not enough for you, but that life's not for me. Go be free to fuck whoever you want.

theduchessofspork · 20/09/2023 21:28

Jesus Christ

He might be having a bizarre pre parenthood freak out.. but you need to be very clear it’s not happening. There is some chance he’ll run off so prepare yourself for that, and pull in suppport.

PercytheParkKeepershedgehog · 20/09/2023 21:28

Why would he want to risk your unborn child’s health! They test all pregnant women for sexually transmitted diseases for good reason. Chlamydia and syphilis in particular can harm the fetus and HIV can be transmitted in utero or childbirth if a mother’s infection is not being controlled with antivirals.

TenThousandSpoons · 20/09/2023 21:31

LTB

SomethingNastyInTheBallPool · 20/09/2023 21:31

What would I do? I’d dump the fucker.

steppingout · 20/09/2023 21:31

I'm sorry, he's being a dick. External help to work through whether these are things he really truly deeply wants, or whether he's facing the reality of fatherhood and freaking out about all the things he never got to try (even if he didn't really want them). Either way he's being a dick but the first one you're going to have to decide if that's the life you want, the second you'll have to decide if you can forgive him provided he gives his head a major wobble. And either way, congratulations on your gorgeous future baby xx

coxesorangepippin · 20/09/2023 21:32

He's porn obsessed

Clymene · 20/09/2023 21:33

He watches too much porn and he's freaking out that you're pregnant.

Was he onboard with the baby thing as much as you?

LovelyBitOfSquirrrel · 20/09/2023 21:33

He sounds awful but sorry why does your bra size matter?

Ollifer · 20/09/2023 21:34

What a time to bring up that he doesn't want to be monogamous! What a knob. 6 weeks pregnant and he drops this bombshell, I would be absolutely seething.

dothehokeycokey · 20/09/2023 21:35

Yuk what a prick

Ffs if my dh had said that to me I'd be telling him where to go op

BHRK · 20/09/2023 21:36

I would be prepared to have the baby on my own quite frankly. I’d tell him you’re six weeks pregnant, he can stay or go but you won’t be having threesomes. What an absolute dick

jlpth · 20/09/2023 21:37

No, your mindset isn't the issue.

He is married with a child on the way, he needs to grow up, stop being a porn hound and think beyond the end of his dick. What an utter twat he sounds. Has he changed since you've got pregnant or has he always been a self obsessed sex addict?

You don't need to mitigate the fact that he can't have sex with others. WTAF. You don't get married so you can have sex with others. Is he stupid? He needs to fucking grow up and understand that he's a husband, soon to be father as well. What a waste of oxygen he sounds.

IsThePopeCatholic · 20/09/2023 21:37

Don’t stay with this man. He’s not happy with you. He’ll only get worse if / when you have the baby. He’s already looking elsewhere for sex. Don’t let him coerce you into doing stuff you do not want to do.

jlpth · 20/09/2023 21:38

I think you need to consider ending this "marriage" immediately.

Original poster
amyLF24 · 20/09/2023 21:38

@Sparkletastic I don't think I could the reality is I don't earn enough to bring up a baby by myself but my worry is I'm 32 this may be the only opportunity I have. I had fertility tests due to not being able to conceive and they said I had a below average egg count but that wasn't the cause for being unable to conceive but it does have me worried that I may not have as much time. I just cannot believe this to be honest.

OP posts:
FlowerPower12345 · 20/09/2023 21:38

LovelyBitOfSquirrrel · 20/09/2023 21:33

He sounds awful but sorry why does your bra size matter?

32F means she's 32 and female.

jlpth · 20/09/2023 21:39

Have you got family who would help?
Parents who could either take you in or help you get a flat on your own without this loser?

jlpth · 20/09/2023 21:39

I bet your parents would want to vomit if they knew the shit he was saying to you/putting you through.

FlamingoFloss · 20/09/2023 21:41

I don’t really have any advice op, but I’m sending you a hand hold and a big hug as think you need this right now x

SingingSands · 20/09/2023 21:42

Has he ever mentioned this before? If not, is he having a pregnancy freak out?

Not all men of course, but some men can't handle it - they turn into selfish pricks who want their egos massaged because they've suddenly realised that they're not the centre of your world any more.

Don't even try to concede to any of his "suggestions".

Spoiler: it doesn't usually get better.

Original poster
amyLF24 · 20/09/2023 21:43

@LovelyBitOfSquirrrel 🤣 I meant 32 female 🤣🤣 sorry I'm not down with the forum language I thought that was what 32F was short for

OP posts:
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