How do I make life less tiring? Is this just life now?

[HighOverTheFenceLeapsSunnyJim]

Me and DH just feel in an endless cycle of exhausting life at the moment. We go from busy work into a whirlwind of kids activities etc - eg tonight DH finished work in time to collect DC2 from school to take to swimming, meanwhile I went from work to a PTA meeting, DH took DC2 from swimming to football, I got home from meeting to take DC1 to Cubs, DH got back with DC2 to eat supper, I went to collect from Cubs, DH took dog out, DC1 ate supper, I put kids to bed. this isn’t even an accurate representation as I can’t be bothered to explain where DC3 fitted in tonight.

Every night is like this. I feel like we slog through each week to get to the weekend (which is equally full of football, rugby etc)

is the only answer have fewer kids doing fewer activities? Are there life hacks out there? I think if we streamlined life elsewhere it would help but doesn’t feel like we’ve got the time!

just ugh. So tired.

I'm not sure what happened between when I was a kid and today that it became so exhausting to be a parent. Granted, I was an only child, but I had two activities a week, namely music lessons and ballet. The rest of the time I played with my neighbours, who were the same age as me, or I played in the garden by myself, I played with my toys, read books, painted, etc. I feel that kids don't have time to think anymore in the whirlwind of after school activities that get dropped on them. I used to be an educator and it really showed that kids kind of lost their self initiative and in-built drive in the last decades.

My dds just did one or two activities each a week. Brownies and music lessons. I taught them to swim because I am a swimmer and wanted to swim with them. If you play an instrument, you need time to practice every evening. Also, the oldest was big into playing and both drew and painted, so they liked lots of time at home after school.

I couldn't have managed what you do. Doesn't sound much fun and a lot of time driving.

It sounds like there wasn't too much thought about how activities would fit into your "schedule" before taking them on. That all sounds extremely chaotic and probably more so for your children 😔 at the very least reconsideration would be beneficial.

What role you want to play in your children's lives? Do you want them to remember being carted around to exhaustion from activity to activity, seeing parents/siblings in passing? What about the importance of quality/intimate memories? There can be balance with this also!

We give our children to this world everyday. It is our job to make sure we equip them with the life skills to be as successful as they can!

How much time is spent at PTA? I would drop that personally.

our PTA is amazing. We raised £35k last year - but it means they’re relentless. Even reading their comms is a lot of admin.

Could that be dropped?

I also refuse to get a pet because of the commitment but appreciate there is little you can do about that.

reduce clubs, if you’re knackered imagine how the kids feel.

it is just life - won’t last forever.

What I observed was that the over timetabled primary children all gave up at the age of 11, anyway. So it will end soon

I'm so glad we only have dd3 at home now as her timetable is so hectic! She is year 11 (15) and only has Friday evening free - and even then she stays at school an extra hour to practise piano. She does athletics, piano, ballet, modern, army cadets as well as other in school activities ( she goes to a private school). The dance lessons are on on Saturday and Sunday but then she also has to fit in an athletics competition this Saturday and last Sunday she had a shooting competition. I wish she'd drop something!

Can the older ones not take themselves to some of their activities? DC1 is 13 and needs a bus pass to get to secondary so he gets the bus to all of his activities and his GP's once a week. Only problem is the start of term if they've been allocated a new gym at one of the other schools in the city and I have to get him there the first time.
DC2 is 11, and does 6 activities but we're building it up so that after Easter she will do some of the journeys alone.

How on earth does she fit in two hours of prep? She is likely to fail her GSCEs unless you are able to put your foot down.

Private schools are ground zero for over competitive, burnt out children.

This. Is there any way you can reduce your hours at work to get the down time you need? I really regret not being able to do after school activities once I reached secondary school.

Oh my God no wonder you're exhausted.
Your family is doing way too much.
First of all, drop the PTA. It's a massive drainer. I joined a few years ago and wondered why they were always appealing for new members. Then I found out why - it demands an incredible amount of time that i didn't have and I left after a year. Felt really guilty for leaving at the time as i wanted to help DC school. Now I look back and wonder what was I even thinking by joining in the first place when i had so much else going on. And you will too. Just drop it. They will soon find other members who have got spare time to give.
Next, drop some clubs. Seriously. Your kids are doing too many clubs and you're doing too much running around. If you and DH are running round collecting from school then dropping off and collecting from clubs, that means you're not at work, so you could be at home instead of doing clubs, surely? Keep 1 or at the most 2 clubs per child each week and get rid of the rest.
Your DC need downtime after school and at weekends. There is masses of research to show that all this non stop over stimulation that kids have these days is damaging for their future mental health. Children need time to relax, unwind, switch off, do nothing sometimes. Adults need it too. It preserves your mental health. Take it seriously.

Rules we had when we had DD3 (massive age gap between her and our older 2 who were teens)
No activities on a Friday
No swimming lessons at local leisure centre, she had 121 lessons every other weekfrom about 7 and a half to just before she was 9. Went from a non swimmer to being able to do 800 metres.
I did not join any kind of committee. Happy to support, go along and give. Did nothing that required a meeting

I will only do activities in the week. Monday to Friday is exactly like this and it's exhausting. I purposely won't sign up to any activities that run a on a weekend as that is our time as a family to recharge the batteries and spend time as a family.

This might be our life, I’m a bit worried about it! Our oldest is 8 so it only increases from here. He does football, athletics in the offseason to football, basketball, swimming and piano. Middle hasn’t even started school so he does swimming, gymnastics (will drop when school starts), football for juniors, and will do his first aths season this summer. Dh and I are tossing up putting him into cubs. I’m on the childcare committee so have evening meetings for it m, and trying to get to exercise classes two evenings a week plus have evening calls with work- tomorrow is particularly extreme but I’m in a meeting from 9pm to 11:30pm. It’s hard to fit it all in!!
one thing is don’t feel guilty if they miss something. We do take them out of swimming for a term when it’s wet and cold to free us all up, but they have to do swimming till they are strong swimmers, we are in Australia and it’s not optional.

Could you pay a local young person to do some of the drops and pick ups? We have a roster of local kids of friends in their late teens early twenties and they help with some of our ferrying about.

vitamin d

sounds like normal family life op.
be kind to yourself
easy meals.

Yes, strip down activities. Simplify. Slow down.

For everyone’s benefit. It shouldn’t be like that every night and all weekend. Think back to your childhood, did you have time to just be? Do the children or yourselves ever get any down time? To have free play? To be alone? To be together as a family? To be outside with no set activity but just to be and explore? To chill out? To get bored? These are all important. It doesn’t sound like your current set up is working for you and so I imagine you’ll get burnt out.

My vague rules for this kind of thing are:

• prioritise clubs/activities that are pay-as-you-go and a bit more low-key, so it's not a big deal if you miss one or two.
• giving my kids opportunities is just that - the chance to try something out. If they don't like it, I don't push it/force it - it just isn't worth it.
• swimming is non-negotiable as we have canoes/paddleboards, so we prioritise that as it helps moves life forward, IYSWIM.
• it's ok to an activity for the fun of it without having to relentlessly practice at home. My 7-yr old doe spiano once a week and enjoys it (and has a natural knack for it) but neither me.nor his teacher make a big deal about practising at home - I just want him to keep enjoying it without worrying too much about progress for now.
• afterschool clubs are generally easier to wrangle than external ones as you're usually only doing one journey, so I'm eagle-eyed for those.
• like a PP, I don't join committees any more but I will happily volunteer for finite projects such as helping renovate scout hut, being a parent helper on a cubs camp, providing cakes for a sale etc.
• online shared family calendar is essential - we use TimeTree free version and it's pretty good.
• packed lunches get made as soon as I get in from work so I don't need to think about them just as I go to bed/when I get up in the morning - it just streamlines things a bit. Parentpay is topped up with £50 at the start of term for occasional lunches and snacks.
• if you're able to get a second-hand spare uniform/kit for things like martial arts, Beavers, swimming etc then it takes a lot of the stress out of making sure the right bloody kit is always clean and ready.

I read on here once about someone who sat down for a Sunday night meeting with her partner to discuss everything coming up that week and sort logistics. I am 100% sure that would improve things for us and yet here I am, years later, still unable to arrange this/get off my arse on a Sunday night. Such is life!

Not only will the OP get burnout, but so will her DC at this rate.

i think it is the time of year, back to school, back to the routines, darker nights, wet weather.

I have always considered parents of over scheduled children to be avoidant.

By packing in stuff every minute of the day, they are avoiding the intimacy of being quiet and alone with their child. To hold them in their arms, sing songs, play games and to be close. The kind of closeness that creates the unbreakable unshakeable bond.

It’s avoidant to do everything BUT create time for deep connection, and worthy of exploration. Sure, some will be recovering from PND but not all.

My children are 15, 12 and 8! Nobody wants to be cradled in my arms singing a lullaby!

I spent an hour with DC3 last night reading him stories in the bath, then cuddling in bed while he read, then giving him a massage. That was after he had done an hour’s football training. I think the balance was fine.

Christ on a bike. Respectfully, you don't get to choose the correct level of extra-curricular activities for someone else's children. I'm presuming there is a correct level, or should we all just be singing songs and creating unshakeable bonds without the input of any external providers?!

Is that 2 hours of prep a night? What’s the point of paying for private school if you have to do 2 hours of homework a day just to avoid failing your GCSEs?

My 12 year old will run if I hold her in my arms and sing songs. It's embarassing.

I'm with the OP. With tweens, it's a lot of ferrying around after school activities. The OP is only talking about football, swimming and cubs. That's not excessive surely? Mine are doing music, guides and swimming. Their swimming is in the weekends so it makes it easier to fit them in. But music is already instrument lesson and ensemble practice. Adding guides, and then two kids, you can see how weekday evenings can become very busy. Unless you tell them not to do sports or music.