How do I make life less tiring? Is this just life now?

[HighOverTheFenceLeapsSunnyJim]

Me and DH just feel in an endless cycle of exhausting life at the moment. We go from busy work into a whirlwind of kids activities etc - eg tonight DH finished work in time to collect DC2 from school to take to swimming, meanwhile I went from work to a PTA meeting, DH took DC2 from swimming to football, I got home from meeting to take DC1 to Cubs, DH got back with DC2 to eat supper, I went to collect from Cubs, DH took dog out, DC1 ate supper, I put kids to bed. this isn’t even an accurate representation as I can’t be bothered to explain where DC3 fitted in tonight.

Every night is like this. I feel like we slog through each week to get to the weekend (which is equally full of football, rugby etc)

is the only answer have fewer kids doing fewer activities? Are there life hacks out there? I think if we streamlined life elsewhere it would help but doesn’t feel like we’ve got the time!

just ugh. So tired.

Sounds exhausting! Why are your kids doing so many activities? Do they enjoy it or is it because you feel you're supposed to? Are they particularly athletic? I think I only did one, maybe two activities a week at that age, and that was enough! I think kids are over scheduled these days. When are they doing homework or having downtime? Maybe streamline to one sports and one creative / social hobby a week. As adults we don't do this much, sounds exhausting for the kids too after a full day of school!

Yes, my eldest went off to uni and I felt bereft. I really really missed it. I had him when I was young, I've since gone on to have another baby after 20 years and trying for a 3rd. Reading this thinking it's going to be in our near future.

It's not good for children to have no down time. They need it as much as adults do.

Ours probably do quite minimal activities. DC2 does do a couple of school things but they're no hassle because it's basically an hour of childcare (and is a bit random, one of them is origami!). DC1 is autistic which means we keep it really minimal for her or she can't manage.

Otherwise they do:

DC2: Woodcraft, Casual football on a Saturday OR cycling club (not both)
DC1: watersports, is on waiting list for guides

I do often take them riding on a Saturday while DP plays football but not every week. I use the time they are at woodcraft and watersports to run.

DC2 is pretty sporty and might pick something else up seriously in due course but will have to drop something else if she does. Swimming - they can both swim decently already but have top up lessons in half terms often. Could you do that rather than hauling every week and then just go for fun at the weekend sometimes? Swimming is a tedious slog after school and I say that as a massively keen swimmer.

We have a total no clubs on Sunday rule (this includes grownups!). Music lessons they can do at school also. Honestly, we have full time jobs and DP and I need to do stuff we like as well.

It's not good for children to have no down time. They need it as much as adults do.

Loads of adults on here seem to do 2 hours plus of exercise every day!

For us it’s not the kids activities, it’s the working hours. We are out from 5.30am until 7pm. We have two hours in the evening to clean the mess from the house being full of teenagers all day, cook dinner, walk the dogs, prepare tomorrows lunches, then it’s bedtime. 😫

Wow. As others have said your kids do LOADS! My eldest does rugby and scouts, youngest just does Cubs. Still feels like we are constantly on the go with two full time jobs in the mix.

What’s the point of the dc’s activities? I mean there are probably several points, so think about what’s important here. Then add in some peace, relaxation and downtime to that list and start prioritising.

Can you look at ways to shoehorn some me-time into your dc’s activities. Pop in your AirPods and listen to a good playlist. Bring a really nice coffee with you to football. Go with your dh rather than splitting up, so you get some couples time and a good chat.

No, this was not my experience at all. In the end.

I look back at the slower pace of our lives now my dc are teens. It was a relaxing bubble of loveliness when they were young!

Before I limited the children to one chosen activity a week plus swimming I felt like a hamster on a treadmill that was constantly being turned up faster and faster with more snd more activities!

The children were exhausted and fraught, I was frazzled and at my limit every week. I realised my son was never going to play for arsenal or whatever so didn’t need to train so often, ditto tennis. It was all just pointless, expensive and exhausting.

The dc choose one hobby each, loved the extra time to relax, play and potter at home. We could cook from scratch, eat together, walk the dog together, it was like ripping out the button for the pressure cooker. I was calm, less tired.

The children enjoyed their chosen activity more because it was not every night, and we reclaimed our weekends for family fun and days out. Lie ins instead of shivering on the side lines.

It was the best thing we ever did.

My dc are teens now, and have extremely happy childhood memories and good mental health.

This comes from a calm and peaceful childhood not rushing around in the back of the car hurtled from one activity to another! Your children need to be taught the benefits and importance and skill of learning to relax and unwind.

Turn off the treadmill op and embrace a free range proper childhood for your dc. It’s transformational.

What’s the saying by Einstein … the definition of insanity is repeating the same thing over and over.

drop the pta.

I have three kids… get an activities that they can get themselves to (walking). I have 2 football trainings in the week. That’s it. 2 footballs and a swim at the weekend. I would never let me kids do two activities in one night - so stressful. What’s the point.

i just wouldn’t allow lots of after school activities. My needs are important too and I’m not ferrying them around multiple evenings a week!

In our case whilst one is in nursery the Year 3 is at a splendid (state) school with some 25 clubs and it’s own pool. We need after school childcare anyway but not till 6, so instead of shelling out for after school club till 6, we have him do an activity club each day that takes him to 430 - when I can pick up. He then comes home and chills.

But this mean just at school without any ferrying around he does -

Dodgeball, Football, Athletics, Swimming, Drama, Judo, Chess and the 1:1 peripatetic drums lessons. No ferrying. None.

We ferry to swimming, cricket (including winter nets) and matches if and when.

if the school had not had all this and we didn’t have the need for after school childcare till 430 or didn’t have the means to pay for it then might be different.

We both work FT with lots of flex to work from home and I personally am entirely reliant on Morning gym/swim whilst DH sorts kids and does drop offs and a 1 pm tall glass of Berocca vitamins!

If both of you work FT, you have my sympathies. I have no idea how people do it.

I work 18 hours a week and still feel like this. Must be so much more difficult to fit everything in if both FT.

@Combusting after school clubs are great, we used them for years but when they get older I found they want to do more outside of school/higher level, etc.

DH works 40 hours and I work 30 hours.

my kids are probably older than you imagine! Activities have all really started in the last 4 years (with covid pauses) as we were previously overseas without any activities. My eldest two although not my youngest has spent a very long period of their life with a lot of downtime!

My eldest is 15, she rides twice a week, helps out with Cubs (I did angle for her to drop this but she loves it) and does Explorer Scouts. Don’t really want her to drop anything & replace with extra time to watch TikTok!

DC2 is 12, she also rides twice a week, she did play netball just once a week but has just gone up a level so that’s increasing to twice a week.

DC3 probably is over scheduled, he’s 8, swims once a week, plays football 3 times a week, just started rugby once a week. Problem is he loves it all, he’s with his friends etc.

they do a musical instrument in school so that saves me that anyway. We already lift share like crazy especially with the netball & football.

I’m out walking the dog before work… then have to get DC3 from school then collect DC1 for a GP appt, then get DC2 and a friend from school, drop DC3 at his friends for a lift to football, feed DC2 & friend, drop them at netball, receive DC3 home again, somehow DC2 & friend will be collected again. Bed.

Same here! Between work and dc I feel like I am constantly in my car! Constantly juggling who needs to be where when and I'm exhausted!

Same here, three DC, 15,13 and 11. We have sport four nights a week. Two DC attend the same football club and it takes an hour to get there in rush hour traffic. Two nights a week the training is for two hours and it's in a location where there is nothing to do but wait. I'm on the road straight after school pick up at 4pm and get home at 7.30pm twice a week.

Matches for all three are on Sundays. This Sunday we had a match at 1.15pm, 3.30pm and 6pm.

The only night we don't have sport is Friday but there's talk of moving my DDs matches to Friday nights now instead of Sunday.

Also my DH does shift work, two days and two nights so when he is working on Sundays the logistics of trying to get to everybody's match on my own is crazy.

That's life though and it's important for my kids to have a hobby they enjoy.

Before I limited the children to one chosen activity a week plus swimming I felt like a hamster on a treadmill that was constantly being turned up faster and faster with more snd more activities!

The children were exhausted and fraught, I was frazzled and at my limit every week. I realised my son was never going to play for arsenal or whatever so didn’t need to train so often, ditto tennis. It was all just pointless, expensive and exhausting.

DC can do activities & have down time though. I don't work f/t which makes a big difference & I start early & finish early with a short lunch & the activities are on our doorstep pretty much. So if my dc have hockey at 6pm they've still have downtime from 3:30pm onwards. And if my dc have a lunch club eg performance poetry I don't see the problem with brownies in the evening. We always eat together & cook from scratch.

The only thing DH & I struggle to fit in is exercise for ourselves. No way could we each fit it in daily but I have time in the future for that whereas I won't get this time back.

Are the children old enough / distance allows for them to bike / walk ? It sounds full on however these things will help them in the future and present.

No I don't miss it now it's gone at all, my dad is a teen and has one hobby. When she was little I Ayers he'd for her to try lots of activities, it was relentless.

Your schedule sounds hard. I'd only have one activity a day, I'd bin the PTA, unless it's really important to you. Swimming lessons is a given until they can swim, then I'd start going on a family swim on the weekend. Re the football, does your dc actually enjoy it, or have you fallen into a trap re the academy (playing 3 times a week) rather than him playing only once a week, and he's happy with that? As I said above, my dd tried everything, but looking back it was more about me wanting to give her a chance to try everything, with lots of experiences when sometimes I think she'd have been just as happy sitting down with me and playing.

Mine have only ever done 2 or 3 activities (outside school - club-type stuff in school also happens) a week. Always a musical instrument, sometimes 2, and on and off band/ensemble activities associated with that, then a volunteering/church-type thing (not in UK). When the older two were younger they also did choir and a martial art, but none of them have ever been into organised or team sports so that made things less complicated. The eldest now (aged 18) spends vast amounts of time and dedication volunteering for something he did briefly as a 6 and 7yo and only returned to last year.

I hope that you all have supportive partners. I was the main driver and homework-helper while DH cooked, did laundry, and threw snacks into hands while we dashed out the door.

We are past that stage now, and are grandparents. It was a whirlwind, but we look back on those days fondly. We were there to watch every game, but after a certain age we stopped watching practices. I spent many Saturdays driving my boys as well as others up to the ski-hill, daughter to dance competitions. We have a lot of good memories. We have no professional dancers, hockey players or skiers in the family, but well rounded out young adults now doing the same for their families.

Please realize you can't do it all, and may have to limit the amount of activities per child, or car-pool with other parents to maintain some sanity!

Sounds like hell tbh. I couldn’t deal with that schedule but it’s a choice.

Can your eldest get herself to OR from any of her activities. My DD is 16 and from about 14 there were times when I'd ask her to get the bus or walk to (and on the odd occasion in summer when it was lighter, from, some of her activities)