How do I make life less tiring? Is this just life now?

[HighOverTheFenceLeapsSunnyJim]

Me and DH just feel in an endless cycle of exhausting life at the moment. We go from busy work into a whirlwind of kids activities etc - eg tonight DH finished work in time to collect DC2 from school to take to swimming, meanwhile I went from work to a PTA meeting, DH took DC2 from swimming to football, I got home from meeting to take DC1 to Cubs, DH got back with DC2 to eat supper, I went to collect from Cubs, DH took dog out, DC1 ate supper, I put kids to bed. this isn’t even an accurate representation as I can’t be bothered to explain where DC3 fitted in tonight.

Every night is like this. I feel like we slog through each week to get to the weekend (which is equally full of football, rugby etc)

is the only answer have fewer kids doing fewer activities? Are there life hacks out there? I think if we streamlined life elsewhere it would help but doesn’t feel like we’ve got the time!

just ugh. So tired.

I have four children and this was crazy for years (swimming, cubs, rainbows, piano, guitar, football. Etc..). It stops when they decide most things are ‘boring’ when they hit teenage years, and then you end up missing their old enthusiasm. They don’t want to do fun things anymore together voluntarily, or talk to you about their day.

Enjoy it while it lasts. I miss it.

The 15 yr old sounds fine, riding a few times and helping out with cubs. It doesn’t sound like too much - is she keeping up with her GCSE course work?
But your son’s’ commitments sound insane. Ask him to stream line
maybe.

Why not drop the swimming class - maybe you could just go swimming as family at the weekend ? It would save some money too.

This is what we've done. Both children reached a good level and are competent swimmers. Now we just go as a family, for fun.

Swimming is what DC3 would choose to drop, but it isn’t optional, we live by the coast & won’t let him stop until he is a much stronger swimmer. He doesn’t normally have swimming then football on the same night, it’s been a 3 week trial period for an academy slot, if he gets in we will probably move swimming to another night. So no, the kids don’t regularly do 2 activities on the same night. Nor do I buy them expensive Christmas presents they don’t have time to play with.

I agree my kids aren’t likely to be professional sports players, although I think DC2 may make county level with her netball. But they enjoy it, that’s the point!

I think yesterday felt quite manic as it had two extras it wouldn’t usually have in it - the trial night & the PTA meeting. Tonight has felt much calmer. DC1 is doing homework, DC3 is in the bath, DC2 is getting a lift back from netball shortly.

I have 3 DS’s and I can sympathise with this. My DS2 is an academy football player and al I can say is be prepared if he does get signed. It’s gruelling and quite honestly I feel like a single parent sometimes as he trains twice a week there and twice else where and plays all over the country at weekends. It’s relentless and I’m left to mange the other two

Over-scheduling creeps up on you and as the parent of a child who’s keen to try everything and loves to be busy I sympathise.
Eldest is 6 and does 4 actives (swimming, gymnastics, multi sport club and creative writing) a week but two are at school so no additional effort needed as would otherwise be at ASC. We have a second so I am acutely aware we will need to balance both when youngest turns 4 and can start some clubs too. I refuse to drive around every night running myself ragged and we choose clubs which work for us as a family. My youngest loves climbing so we are going as hoc either as a family or 1:1 with a parent to see if the novelty wears off or she wants to pursue. If she does she will choose between this and gymnastics.
My parents allowed us to try things and pursue interests but we did max 2 activities a week as kids and that was plenty!

Nope it sucks. I'm tired. Sports Club Monday, dance Tuesday, sewing Wed's, girls football Thursday then boys footie Thursday eve. Then footie Saturday mornings. Plus OH footie Wed's and Sunday. I don't do any thing myself as I'm just too shattered. There was more but I just had to cut back. It's the not eating at the same time etc that stresses me out and they have weekend jobs also I'm constantly in and out of the car both working full time just can't keep up with general home chores as I'm never here.

I hear you! Dc1 does two team sports (total 6 days a week) and scouts. Dc2 does 1 team sport, swimming once a week, and cubs. Swimming will stop once he’s done it at school and passed the 25m. Dc1 is at secondary school now so at least he can get the bus home from after school clubs.
On top of this and our jobs, dh and I coach and play one team sport each! We’re mad but we get so much out of it. I hope it sets a good example to the kids - keeping active and being committed to something, and giving back to sports we love. Summer months are a lot less busy and I really look forward to that. And I know none of this is forever.

Relax and enjoy it. Why is it a slog? Things will change but for now, as long as they want to do these things, be happy.

All families are different but fwiw my own kids (I have two) are only allowed to do two activities that I have to drop them to; they can do more if they are school-based and DC1 is now 11 so if it's something he can get himself to alone then that's fine and can be extra. It still involves juggling meals and things but I'm trying to roll with that ready for the teenage years. One thing that stood out for me in your OP was the pta meeting. I'm an active pta member, I was even treasurer for a couple of year and I value it. None the less on manic days like you describe I would have skipped the meeting and openly told people why - you are volunteering, don't make it harder than it has to be...

HighOverTheFenceLeapsSunnyJim feel like this completely too. We recently dropped a few clubs/ switched some to easier locations or school clubs and made a big difference. I agree you are completely right to prioritise swimming above all though. Can see the standards at our kids school when they finally start swimming lessons there how so many kids can barely swim at what- age 7/8? It’s shocking and pretty unacceptable IMO. Out of all yours I’d choose footie or rugby and maybe drop cubs?
But we feel you. Monday comes and it’s like Groundhog Day & spend all week longing for Friday evening & wine!!!

Oh God no I don't miss it at all.

Too many commitments! I can't imagine every single night is like that for you. If it is, you need to step back and evaluate what's important

My children do a niche sport and do it every night of the week in various locations within a 40 mile radius. It is exhausting but it is your choice. Make the most of it. Take away the unnecessary stuff like PTA as you'll only get roped into more stuff. Stay for the duration and take a book, laptop or chat. Make the most of it. It's a wonderful thing you're doing for them so you might as well enjoy it.

Apologies if already asked... could your 15 and 12 year olds not get to some of these clubs themselves, for example by bus? It's good to learn self reliance, as well as how to swim well, after all. I hope they also pull their weight with cooking / cleaning / dog walking, so there's not also loads of that for you and DH to do? Also valuable life skills to put them in good stead - as valuable as learning sports etc (if not more so).

As for them enjoying all these things... I think there needs to be a balance between the children's happiness and wellbeing, and the adult's. Obviously, so long as the children are well looked after and happy (which I've no doubt they are). The life satisfaction of parents matters too! So OP if you are finding it too much, get each child to drop one activity! Sounds like they all do plenty, and they should appreciate that you and your DH are people too, who like to sit and chill sometimes.

This seems self inflicted for so many posters stating this is just the way it is / family life. I get extra curricular stuff is important but there’s a balance to be had. You either strip things back or accept something will give (your energy and mental health).

No-one did this much stuff in the 70s. We went to school and came home. Life was a lot easier. I learnt an instrument from a young age which was considered quite wild, but it was just one lesson a week after school.

I learnt to swim properly one summer from an Olympic coach. I could swim before but that made me much more confident. It only took a month.

Swimming in the sea is nothing like swimming in a pool anyway and then stuff you need to know to survive a fall into the sea won’t be taught in swimming lessons.

This thread totally resonates with me. DH and I both working FT with 2 primary aged DCs. DC1 (9) does Cubs, football (X2 per week), swimming lesson and piano. We wouldn't really want to drop much of this as he loves Cubs and football, and he really needs to learn how to swim (though he would happily drop it if I let him). Piano maybe we should drop - this is one of those things where I don't want him to lose the opportunity. I know that is probably misguided but somehow I find it difficult to make that decision.

DC2 (6) currently does Rainbows and swimming though it's possible she may also start football soon. They both also do a couple of activities at school as well as after school club X2 per week.

It's actually manageable on weekdays, I don't find it too bad - there are three nights per week where we have to drop them at activities. But I find Saturdays tough as we have football matches, swimming and piano lesson.

It doesn’t last forever- on Friday I took my youngest off to Uni and came back to a quiet, peaceful house. It’ll pass in a flash I promise you. And then you’ll weirdly miss all the craziness.

We have 5 kids and we don’t do a huge amount of activities for this reason. Could you come to an arrangement with other parents that you do the drop offs one night and they do it on another night? My eldest DS has a friend who’s mum drops them both off at karate but we do the pick up/drop off for basketball for example.

You are making a rod for your own back.

Cut back on the activities and drop PTA for a start.

Then you will be less tired because you are not running yourself into the ground. Children do not need endless activities. Downtime is good for everyone.

When do you spend time with your children?
The easy conversations with your children on the sofa with no phone TV or game in the background?
The just being present with your child in the moment?,
Time as a family?
Time for each individual child to talk tête-à-tête with you?
To speak from the heart? To confide in you?
Do you not value these things?

Why must your children have most of their time after school filled with extra activities?
Why is one extra curricular activity not enough?

When I look back to my childhood, I remember fondly the evenings when my parents would go on evening walks with individual children. My dad would say"So and so let's go for a walk. "
Cherished memories.

Please give your children more of yourselves and your time. It makes for a well rounded adult in future.

I’m a Cub Scout leader. One hack many of our parents use is that they buddy up and one kids parent drops off both then the other picks them up at the end so each family only has to go out once for drop off or pick up!