How do I make life less tiring? Is this just life now?

[HighOverTheFenceLeapsSunnyJim]

Me and DH just feel in an endless cycle of exhausting life at the moment. We go from busy work into a whirlwind of kids activities etc - eg tonight DH finished work in time to collect DC2 from school to take to swimming, meanwhile I went from work to a PTA meeting, DH took DC2 from swimming to football, I got home from meeting to take DC1 to Cubs, DH got back with DC2 to eat supper, I went to collect from Cubs, DH took dog out, DC1 ate supper, I put kids to bed. this isn’t even an accurate representation as I can’t be bothered to explain where DC3 fitted in tonight.

Every night is like this. I feel like we slog through each week to get to the weekend (which is equally full of football, rugby etc)

is the only answer have fewer kids doing fewer activities? Are there life hacks out there? I think if we streamlined life elsewhere it would help but doesn’t feel like we’ve got the time!

just ugh. So tired.

Kids don’t need to do so many activities - think how exhausted they must be too. One a week per child is plenty, possibly two as they get older. I used to be a primary school teacher and saw so many knackered, burnt out kids because they were over scheduled. Give yourselves and them a break.

@RedAndWhiteCarnations parents absolutely do think extracurriculars are good & many secondaries emphasis that dc must participate in something. I don't think that's the same as thinking a child should do 2 sports every single night every single day.

Phew, I was very confused.

But then, I'm quickly on MN after finishing my last conference call of the day before I run downstairs to make dinner in time for DS to eat before I take him to his 7pm activity! The MN or similar is supposed to act as pseudo commuting time as I find finishing work and immediately launching myself into the chaos of dinner and homework exhausting. But maybe it backfired on me! :)

And yet op is doing that some evenings and many more I know personally.

@GingerIsBest I probably wasn't very clear! I've worked in private's & it's completely normal for dc to do lunch club & then an after school club. I just disagree with some posters who think those dc don't get any downtime. Clubs aren't always physical my dc have done LAMDA, debate, sewing, chess, craft, art etc in their time.

Yes exactly. It’s endemic.

@Lastchancechica did I miss a post. I thought the OP had one child who did 2 activities on only one day of the week?

We only have 2 and don't do as much and it can still sometimes feel manic.

I cant imagine there are many life hacks. The only ones I can think of:

• can you share lifts to some of these activities with friends who do the same ones?
• can you get a childminder to help and do one evening of club ferrying around
• can you get a dog walker in to help
• can you work different hours - if you thought rhat might help

Apart from that I'd have a family chat about whether it's too much for everyone involved and see what can give - ie could swimming move to intense holiday courses instead, is there a club that the kids aren't keen on anymore, do you really want to be on the PTA when life's so busy, what are your protected days with no activities (ie mine are Monday, Friday and one day at weekend!).

I also haven't disputed some parents do that, I just haven't heard it held as the gold standard.

It’s the deprivation of a real childhood that I find so sad. Everything is planned and organised. There is literally no space or room to think, ponder and process.

It’s astonishing that it hasn’t been more robustly addressed by the education department/psychologists.

You don't need to do all those activities....

Op has three dc all doing clubs seven days a week, if you think that is sustainable even disregarding two full time jobs and a dog then that is a matter for you.

To me, it looks like a relentless slog with no purpose or joy, or indeed let up.

Fast forward a few years and the teens have ditched most if not all of them, and they have zero childhood memories apart from the fluorescent lights of ugly leisure centres and a frazzled mother clinging on by her finger nails, there may be a great deal to regret. Imagine the cost! It could fund an incredible safari or a trip to see the Arctic lights. I feel very strongly about this because I see the outcomes of high stress lives.

@Lastchancechica I think you have confused my posts. The OP doesn't have dc doing 2 clubs each every single night, does she?

You are confused, because the point of the thread isn’t the exact number of clubs each night. The point is op and her dh are burnt out and fried, I doubt the children are feeling any better.

I think it is just modern family life with three children OP. You're already doing lift shares & school music lessons and don't want to reduce the activities so apart from paying for help not sure there is a solution.

I'm well past this stage now and honestly I miss it.

SIL paid for after school help to manage with her three (who at one point attended three different schools) and ultimately sent them all to boarding school at 13+. That was her solution (I say her as BIL worked away during the week so it was all down to her).

Fast forward a few years and the teens have ditched most if not all of them, and they have zero childhood memories apart from the fluorescent lights of ugly leisure centres and a frazzled mother clinging on by her finger nails, there may be a great deal to regret. Imagine the cost! It could fund an incredible safari or a trip to see the Arctic lights. I feel very strongly about this because I see the outcomes of high stress lives.

I did loads of clubs as a dc & my dc do a few - certainly not 14 each a wk though! None were ever in a leisure centre & my mother wasn't frazzled nor am I. The OP may be frazzled but working ft & having 3 dc will be tough regardless of activities.
So what if clubs are ditched, I ditched the majority of mine in my teenage yrs but I came back to a few in uni & as an adult. I'm glad I had the foundations to build on.

@Lastchancechica it was you who wrote " I always find it bizarre how competitive the whole activities thing is. Lots of over anxious parents thinking that doing back 2 back activities 7 days a week is being a superior parent", not the OP. I just disagreed with you that every parent thinks like that 🤷🏻‍♀️

We are not talking about your mother’s easy experience. We are talking about op: working full time with 3 dc. It’s totally different. I don’t know how she does it. It must be backbreaking and she can just say no, we are going to have some days at home in the future.
Although some over scheduled children play up at home - they are used to their relentless schedule and aren’t used to playing independently or having free time. More of a reason to scale back if you have dc like that. Just my view.

No wonder our children are knackered. Do these poor children every get to just stay at home and play with all the expensive Christmas presents they receive ?

@Lastchancechica no, I am replying to your posts with my experience as you seem to be doing a lot of generalising. Of course my experience is not representative of everyone but not is yours.

not

nor - 3rd time lucky!

I have two kids 7 & 5. They only have one club each in a week. The rest of the time is free play at the park or at home and play dates. They go swimming early Sat morning so the rest of the weekend is free for family time or kids party. I love it like this

It does sound crazy because it is! But it also sounds really lovely, your children are very lucky! You are not forcing them to do anything, they want to do these activities.

Give it a few years and this won’t be your life anymore. It gets easier but you do miss it. I think it’s worth it.

It does just sound like WAY too many activities. At secondary school I was in multiple clubs but they met immediately after school. I had marching band a couple times a week in the evening in the fall and play water polo very competitively Jan -June (practice every week day, 3-6:30). I also babysat and worked part time as a lifeguard. My parents didn’t do a lot of ferrying though. Grew up in the US so drive myself or got a lift with upperclassman before I could drive. My brother was similar, did a couple school sports but these were immediately after school on campus. When we were younger we never had more than one sport on at a time. We had music lessons but teacher came to our home. My parents really prioritized family dinner, we literally never ate on the go. I also used to go to sleep at 9 because I was so tired from swimming!

The US generally has WAY better infrastructure around school transport, my parents literally never had to get us to school after preschool age, there was a school bus and then for secondary a city bus timed for school for which we got a free bus pass. Schools in the UK seem especially structured to make life hard for parents, one of the reasons we moved away.