How do I make life less tiring? Is this just life now?

[HighOverTheFenceLeapsSunnyJim]

Me and DH just feel in an endless cycle of exhausting life at the moment. We go from busy work into a whirlwind of kids activities etc - eg tonight DH finished work in time to collect DC2 from school to take to swimming, meanwhile I went from work to a PTA meeting, DH took DC2 from swimming to football, I got home from meeting to take DC1 to Cubs, DH got back with DC2 to eat supper, I went to collect from Cubs, DH took dog out, DC1 ate supper, I put kids to bed. this isn’t even an accurate representation as I can’t be bothered to explain where DC3 fitted in tonight.

Every night is like this. I feel like we slog through each week to get to the weekend (which is equally full of football, rugby etc)

is the only answer have fewer kids doing fewer activities? Are there life hacks out there? I think if we streamlined life elsewhere it would help but doesn’t feel like we’ve got the time!

just ugh. So tired.

DS 14 and DD 13 here and the weekday evenings are pretty busy with activities. DS does cricket once a week, sometimes twice a week if there is a match on. He also does running once a week. Music lesson once a week, plus music practise everyday
DD does running, rock climbing and music lesson once a week plus daily music practise. Plus she also goes to an art club once a week during term time.

They are at an age where they have started to cycle to activities on their own some of the time which makes it easier. Although the impending darker evenings will make this more difficult, and we'd have to cycle with them, although they are perfectly capable, just in case.
They are both athletic and enjoy the activities (most of the time!).
No planned activities in the weekend though, apart from DS's cross country competitions and cricket matches in the summer.

It's important for you all to have downtime regularly, to relax and eat meals together.
Every night should not be like this.

It’s the life of loving parents who want to give their DC opportunities. I think it’s great to let the DC try a range of things whilst they can and we can afford for them to do so. You just have to be organised and use the time wisely, eg supermarket shop as one does football training, lift share where possible, try and double dip so two have activities in the same place at the same time etc. Look for second hand kit/uniform/equipment, get all gear washed and ready at the weekend so it’s set to go each day and plan with DH/DP who’s doing which drop off/pick up on a weekly basis.

I remember that phase well (mine are grown up now) and with hindsight I'd be less hard on myself and reduce some of the activities. Be more selective - it isn't parents' job to run themselves into the ground for their children. Parents' needs matter too. It's not a big ask to have time to sit and eat a meal after a long working day!

Think I’m going against the grain here but given the ages of your kids, if they’re managing to stay on top of their homework, get enough sleep and, critically, if THEY’RE not asking to stop/drop activities, I’d try my best to keep it going.
I just think the massive advantages in terms of physical/mental health, body confidence, real life socialisation etc that teens get from sport is so so important today. Realistically if you weren’t doing it, what would you be doing - playing board games and going for wholesome family walks? Or catching up on housework while they are on their phones in another room?
My parents were a big proponent of ‘the importance of doing nothing’ and hated any sort of regular commitment. I have always been absolutely terrible at scheduling in time for me to do any type of exercise/regular hobby, whereas my kids have always known that they have to manage eating/sleeping/homework around sports practice/sorting their kit and Xbox time comes at the bottom of that list.

I would also absolutely miss it - the time in the car going to fixtures is some of our best chat time.

I think you're allowed to make some limitations on what you can do with the time you have. Unless these things you are signing up for are mandatory, just... do less?? Life is exhausting in middle age but there are going to be somethings you can say No to

Can your 15 year old not take public transport?

Can you get a dog walker?

Do you enjoy PTA?

It sounds like so much to me

I'm afraid my children got to do 1 activity a week.....I'm not a party planner or a taxi driver and when they were young my husband and I both worked full time...they had plenty of books, toys and outside toys at home and in the early evening we spent time doing those old fashioned things like chatting, watching telly and playing board games together. It's your choice if you want a family life or a social calendar...enjoy

Eh, I feel like that sometimes too, but when it comes down to what we would drop... hard decisions. I wish my kids did more physical activity not less, and unless it's An Activity we get a lot of moaning. They don't want to do Joe Wicks or go for a walk in the park (well, one likes to bike). The things that aren't sports are the ones they really love (Brownies, coding) but if we dropped swimming and the one other thing we do, I honestly think they'd want to sit on their bums reading or drawing (or playing on the computer) all week. It's lovely that they're creative but...

It's hard enough organising play dates because their mates are also all out at activities.

If he does swimming and football one after another, I can't imagine he does either well? I don't mean this as a criticism of his abilities at all, what I mean is I can't imagine even a really active child would have the energy to put his all into both back to back.

I come from a background that's heavily focused on sports/music/debate/etc activities, and it's common for us to be trained to join the national team from a young age, but even then nobody would really do 2 similar sports back to back.

I don't think the aim for most parent is to get the kids to a professional level at sports tbh. So I don't think dropping activities just because they aren't going to end up taking up sports professionally is a good argument. It's about giving them opportunities, exposing them to variety of things, and it's extremely benifical for their mental and physical health ( i suspect my DS has ADHD, but he's so much better after exercise). I remember my parents sent me to all sorts, in the end I only got to a high level with music, but I can still play tennis, running, swimming, chess etc etc that I did as a kid to a well enough standard to take part occasionally and it not seem like an alien activity, which is what the aim is for me for my kids.
Of course, there needs to be down time, too much is counterproductive.

You can easily manage the entire spectrum of activities over a period of 25 years. You don’t need to ruin yours or the children’s physical and mental health. Whilst young the children can try out different activities - self chosen for five or six years. A different one each term plus swimming.

Once older the children can choose the one that appeals to them the most for their weekly activity and then play tennis, padel, skiing, sailing etc in the school holidays when they have ample time and energy. It is totally unnecessary to exhaust yourself attempting to do this every week in term time.

Unstructured down time is essential and should be seen as such. Eating dinner together. Playing and spending time at home is really, really important

This may not be a popular opinion but do the kids really need to do all those activities? I mean some activities each week are fine, more than fine, they're great! But when every evening revolves around chauffeuring your child around (as well as cooking, laundry cleaning etc) then it's not sustainable.
My daughter recently asked if she could go to an athletics club two nights a week after school. I can see the benefits, it's good for her mental and physical health, she can make new friends. However, she already does four different sports clubs each week as well as Guides and an extremely busy social life. The athletics club was a 30 minute horrible drive on motorways and I just thought "Enough!! I'm not going to do it! I'm not going to spend any more time each week driving her around. I need time to do other stuff!" and that was that.
I've now told my kids they need to focus and only do the things they really love (rather than sign up for ten different clubs a week).

Yes, this is our life last couple of weeks. Not helped by a back to school lurgy, which is making us all feel crap, but not bad enough to take time off.

*14 years not 25!!

Mine only do 2-3 activities per week, nothing at the weekend, only occasionally if there are running comps. Leaves them plenty of time to relax and we eat together the majority of our dinners. They seem to manage fine and they are actually happier after exercise - must be the endorphins. As I am after a run!

Good for you. It’s really optional and makes no difference in the long run whatsoever.

And through all these activites they are socialising with their friends too, so they like going and hanging out with friends. Just a bit more organised than hanging out in the park - which I also encourage them to do!

Give up the PTA

As long as the kids are enjoying what they do and are coping there is no issue with lots of clubs (or none).

For you - can you reduce your working hours? If not, can you relieve any of the time pressure with a dog walker/childminder? Are there any older kids/students going to the stables who could lift share/chum your kids? Football lift shares?

I have 3 sporty kids. They do loads, they love it. We both also play sport - we pretty much have a logistics meeting on a Friday night for the weekends!

I reckon I’ll miss it when they’re grown up!

I didnt do any after school activities. Why do they need so many? Do they enjoy them?

I always find it bizarre how competitive the whole activities thing is. Lots of over anxious parents thinking that doing back 2 back activities 7 days a week is being a superior parent.

I also noticed oddly that some of the most over stretched children were overweight, and realised that it is because they are fed crap fast food on the go in the backs of cars and were not eating balanced diets.

Many cramming in their homework en route. Harassed mothers shouting at them. The kids themselves looking far from vibrant but dog tired. It’s kind of akin to child abuse forcing that kind of schedule week in and week out.

Exercising three times a week plus two sessions at school is ample.

You sit back and reevaluate life. The kids don’t have to do so much and they are probably knackered too. Get them to choose their favourite activities of the week and sack off the rest. My boys are doing so much better at school since we did this, as they aren’t tired. The family time for a proper meal is also great.

I totally agree with you. The sooner parents realise that they only need to focus on their child and not compete against each other the better.

So when do your children play?

Seriously , drop the activities. Where is the time for you? I refuse to live like this and so do my kids. They are clear that they do not want to do activities every night. We took one of their friends ( who does activities 6 days a week) to a free play thing and he was delighted. He exclaimed at the end that he loved it there as he got to play.

No wonder my friend whose a child psychologist said teenagers are developmentally several years behind where they used to be. They don't get a chance to grow and develop as they are constantly supervised in activities instead of learning all the social and behavioural skills they would by playing with other children in an unstructured environment.