How do I make life less tiring? Is this just life now?

[HighOverTheFenceLeapsSunnyJim]

Me and DH just feel in an endless cycle of exhausting life at the moment. We go from busy work into a whirlwind of kids activities etc - eg tonight DH finished work in time to collect DC2 from school to take to swimming, meanwhile I went from work to a PTA meeting, DH took DC2 from swimming to football, I got home from meeting to take DC1 to Cubs, DH got back with DC2 to eat supper, I went to collect from Cubs, DH took dog out, DC1 ate supper, I put kids to bed. this isn’t even an accurate representation as I can’t be bothered to explain where DC3 fitted in tonight.

Every night is like this. I feel like we slog through each week to get to the weekend (which is equally full of football, rugby etc)

is the only answer have fewer kids doing fewer activities? Are there life hacks out there? I think if we streamlined life elsewhere it would help but doesn’t feel like we’ve got the time!

just ugh. So tired.

I'd say less activities for the kids. We restricted ours to make family life calmer and more manageable

When my kids hit senior school age we let them go to all activities alone (walking, bussing with a friend, cycling). It helped soooo much! Obviously depends on where you live though.

This is us but there’s no way I would do the PTA, definitely one for the SAHM’s! Bin that off for sure.

Yes I’m sure. My 7 year old already does cricket and football at that level and life is very full of matches! My hope though is that by the time they are both older the variety/number will reduce and more focus and depth to 2 things or so will emerge !

We used to be like that but clawed things back. I dropped out of the PTA, the kids went down to two activities a week each and we hung out at home and with local friends. More relaxing for us all and lots of hut building for kids.

Are there any other parents you could alternate lifts with? We used to share lifts to hobbies/clubs and it does help.

is the only answer have fewer kids doing fewer activities

yes. I couldn’t live like that; you must all be exhausted

Just had a chat last night with my 16yo about mindfully planning her energy and time, and not over-extending herself. She's decided to quit one activity in order to focus more on others.

I don't think overscheduling kids does anyone any favours. One after school activity a week is plenty, especially if it disrupts family meals and a decent bedtime. If it did I would look for a weekend option.

Oh yes, completely recognise this! I found with 3 DC it wasn't even that they were doing that many activities just 1 or 2 each a few times a week. I didn't want to stop them as they all enjoyed them so much. My eldest is 18 now and has been driving since January so takes himself to every thing and does the odd pick up for his siblings. He's still playing football and loving it so glad we didn't stop that.

DS2 is 16 and gets the train where he can. He works coaching the sport he used to do so glad we didn't stop that either.

There is light at the end of the tunnel! I don't think I will miss the running around but I do miss the chats etc in the car on our way to places.

(I'd definitely drop the PTA though 🤣 mine are all secondary now and I don't miss that at all!!)

You’re doing too much. Do you really need to be on the PTA?

Christ no!!! Mine are 20 and 18 now and I absolutely love not having to think about activities the 18 year old who needs constant lifts though. Life is soooo much calmer and I feel so much more relaxed as I have a lot of down time. I always think my soul needs a rest after those years of rushed times juggling kids and work.

Do you need to be ferrying the 15yo around or could you get her to walk/bus at least to a couple of activities?

Why don’t you replace the activities with nice, chilled family time? That’s really important.

Why don’t you replace the activities with nice, chilled family time? That’s really important.

That's what I'd do. Drop the PTA and the two clubs on one night and replace with something to connect rather than just screen time......e.g. family board game night, or DD1 and I do puzzles together (paper based, not on a screen.)

Personally, I refuse to have DDs doing two clubs in one night. They're limited to swimming (non-negotiable for me as a life skill and a sport) and one other club of their choice. They do need downtime and time for homework etc.

Assuming that you don’t want the DC to drop any of their activities, would you be able to organise a lift share with any of the other parents? Even if it’s just ‘I will take them and you can collect them’ which would get you more time at home rather than hanging around at the activity. Or take it in turns to take and collect each week, so that you get one week at home.

You could advertise for a local
student or someone working in childcare or someone wanting a few extra hours a week to do some of the taking and fetching?

Would you be comfortable with your eldest getting an Uber?

The PTA may well be only once or twice a year so not making that much difference to your typical week. But if it isn’t, and you still want to help, you could ask to be allocated a small, discrete task in your absence.

Why do they even need so many ‘activities’?? It’s toxic and unhealthy for the children.

Unstructured time is vitally important to their development.

It's just a choice. You've chosen to prioritise all those activities, obviously it's tiring. If you want less tiring, do fewer activities or ones that they can travel to themselves.

It is hard, especially when you have multiples but that's kind of part and parcel really.

We have:
Mondays: 2 eldest go to scouts. That's easy though as they walk themselves there.

Tuesdays: oldest rows, which she is passionate about and very good at, so one of drives the 45 mins there and back and sits in the car for 2 hours or whatever it is while she does it.
Youngest does Lego club at school

Wednesday: youngest does gymnastics

Thursday: youngest does Beavers
Oldest goes skateboarding.
During the season two older children would go sailing (race series)

Friday: we try to keep this clear, but middlest used to do cricket during the season.

Saturday: likely to be swimming lessons again for two younger children.

Sunday: nothing at present but youngest wants to start rugby.

So none of them do a ludicrous amount individually, but what they do do is important to them. Being part of scouts etc is a wholesome activity, and a community they've been part of for a long time. Rowing is non negotiable etc etc.

It's busy, but we wanted school to only be a part of their life, as against all of it, if that makes sense.

I feel your pain, OP. We both work full time and DD (9) does so many things- football, swimming, gymnastics, drama and brownies. She's just been accepted to a football academy which means she's now doing football 3 times per week plus fixtures, and will drop swimming to accommodate. She used to have Fridays off but now school football trains then so that protected time has gone. DS (6) has Fridays off, goes to after school club a bit to free us up to take DD to things and also does swimming and gymnastics himself. It's a treadmill but they both adore every activity that they do and it's mostly exhausting for us I think, these people in their 40s with two full time jobs each 😉 We try really hard to have family movie night, Sunday afternoon chilling out etc and try to allow for a few days of nothing each school holidays. But it is just our life for the moment I think.

Bin the PTA for a start. No one needs that shit.

This sounds bonkers, and kids will carry on with something of they think it pleases you, I spent many years learning an instrument that I detested because it made my parents so proud of me.
Your kids need a break, when on earth do you fit in just relaxing, homework, etc?
Don't underestimate how important just relaxing is, and who cares if that means tik tok etc, at least they are getting to switch off a bit.
Also, drop PTA, when I did it was like a weight off my shoulders!!

Do you have to be on the PTA? I was asked and declined as tbh my time is too precious to me.

We're a bit similar, 3 DC and while only one of them does multiple different activities, the others do ballet, which is a single activity that can take up anywhere between 4.5 and 8 hours per week as a bare minimum once you're in secondary. It's difficult to do less of it unless you do none of it, iyswim (although they could certainly do more if they wanted, it's essentially limitless) - and they don't want to do none of it - it seems to be just a part of who they are now. So there's lots of taxi-ing and lots of waiting.

We had years of this but from about y8 it turned the corner and started getting easier, the DCs started dropping a few activities and could be left at home while taking the other one somewhere etc or could walk by themselves. What really helped was organising liftshares with other parents wherever possible and whatsapp groups to organise this or ask for help re missing information or similar.

Now they are 17 and 19 and I do miss it, especially I miss the other parents I used to see at football, swimming etc. I have filled my time with other things so am still very busy. I don't regret any of it, the DCs got so much out of their activities and both continue with some as young adults now.