Tell me you're a parent without telling me you're a parent

[Peachpicklepie]

I'll go first. I've just put a piece of half eaten peanut butter toast on the roof of my car and driven off.
Your turn.

I can see the inside of a door and have slightly less plaster on the wall and my next internet search will be for door stops that stop doors being slammed.

He's bright green, jointed in segments, and poseable in a variety of amusing positions.

I shout "whose poo is this?" Regularly

I have a caterpillar in an old takeaway container living in my daughter bedroom 🙄

I forgot. I was in an underground car park for 6hrs waiting for MIL to get her cataract done. I had coffee, a twix and read 7 chapters of a book before my phone went ding. Bliss.

There is some sort of mine craft you tube CRAP on our TV right now and it's only a matter of time before I stand on lego again

I carry wet wipes, Bandaids, and granola bars in my purse. Always.

I stood in a puddle of pee when I went to the toilet when half asleep

I do this too. Actually I automatically do this for any sort of machinery.

Whenever I hear someone using the loo at night in my house I automatically get up and blearily fold a piece of toilet paper to hand to them. I don’t even check who it is.

I have 2 large cups full of calpol dispensers.
I have a designated sick bowl in the bedroom and 1 in the car.

I sometimes sit in silence on my own in the car and eat a pack of crisps. 'Me time'.

I have said, "green man!" loudly and cheerfully when crossing the road on my own.

I regularly have to say “Will you please stop touching your penis while you talk to me” and then my children shout “PENIS!” for some time while another part of my soul dies

@tb4122
Oh thank god someone else does.. my husband and I do this. My husband from Yorkshire so he reads the voice of various characters as Keith lemon 😂

There's two Granny Smith apples in the footwell of my car.

I am a silly smooshface

I spent a ridiculous amount of time on the toilet at around 6pm and I went to work with strawberry jam stain on my top. But it at the side of my waist.

AHH, sweet..enjoy it while it lasts!

We've progressed to "fucking cunt"

autistic teen meltdowns of which there are a lot

I wash at least one set of goalie training kit, team training kit, match kit and PE kit per day but am banned from watching them getting used but it is acceptable that I drive to the training/ match.

Have to call "babybel" cheese "Big boy bell".

My stairs are covered in barbies who are trying to escape the dinosaurs at the bottom who want to eat them, there's also a random plastic cow who's trying to escape too apparently.

Sat in A&E waiting for a scan with my Kindle and it seems quiet 🤫

There's Tractor Ted DVDs?? I'm so fed up of the same 6 episodes from YouTube..

@SatsumaSplit Yes! There’s about 12! Often on eBay cheap! Be warned the DVDs scratch easily so you end up with multiples of favourites! There’s also a subscription to tractor Ted tv available!