Tell me you're a parent without telling me you're a parent

[Peachpicklepie]

I'll go first. I've just put a piece of half eaten peanut butter toast on the roof of my car and driven off.
Your turn.

My house is filled with special sticks. And special gravel. And special leaves.

I start a new job on Monday and have spent a disproportionate amount of time fantasising about how quiet my solo commute is going to be.

I spend 40% of my take home pay for the person I love most in the world to be out of the house from 8.30 to 4pm Monday to Friday, for 39 weeks of the year.

The dentist / smear test is a wonderful relaxing way to spend time.

🤣🤣🤣 love this

Tractors and buses are banned from our kitchen

I have crumbs in my bed, in my towels and even my hairbrush🙂

Precisely 176399571768495826638946 words were said in the kitchen before 6am.

I have a pet rock to take care of while his owner is in school. I have been given care instructions

I haven’t had a poo in complete solitude and privacy this week.

I know moana off by heart. Not just the songs, the whole thing.

Been up since 6am but still running late for a 9.30 playdate.

I have adopted a no swimming hats at the table rule

About to put my fleece in the washer and on emptying my pockets I've found a block of lego, a small car and an interesting rock from mine and DS walk that I was keeping safe. 😌 His pockets are full of interesting treasures...

Pissed on, shat on and puked on - in one day.

I know all the words to the songs on cocomelon 🤯

Sitting alone in the car on the driveway for 5 minutes staring into the middle distance after returning home is considered "self care"

I'm not even 30 but grey as anything already (and it does not run in my family at all, they're all dismayed!!)!

The toilet roll goes 1 metre down from the holder and we don't have an Andrex puppy.

5 Vinted deliveries arrive each day and the contents of 1 room are like the world's largest floordrobe.

Have anxiety 24/7!

I've lost the ability to cook anything other than beige food.

I say “time to go, sweetie” when I live the house. Alone. For work.

I'm constantly driving but not actually going to anywhere I need to want to be!!

I quite often ask my work colleagues if they "need a wee" before we head to a meeting.

@Sosbanfachtheresatellyinmybath @Whereland I get excited when I see a digger! Or a bulldozer or cement truck.

I can recite Goodnight Moon and There's a Wocket in my Pocket off the cuff