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Original poster

Should I tell our neighbour we can see her through the window?

259 replies

sendinganangel · 07/09/2023 09:01

So often when I go up to get my daughter sorted in her room, my neighbour is visible from what I assume is her room.

She has 2 young children of her own for context

My daughter is 4 and said this morning 'look mummy, the neighbour lady has her boobies out' Grin

Would you tell your neighbour you can see them? Do you think she knows this and just isn't putting curtails up

I and my husband have also seen her in the evenings, when we've put the bin out or something... she will be standing there at her sink washing up and appears completely naked... definitely topless

We live across from her so can see in

OP posts:
dontyouworryboutathing · 07/09/2023 10:58

Is she breastfeeding? In this heat I go to bed in just pants, sometimes after a morning feed I don't have time to get dressed before my other two are making demands so often still in my pants sorting them out - not intentional!

Also it is her own home and she can do what she likes 🤷‍♀️

my82my · 07/09/2023 10:59

@CrabbiesGingerBeer

But where do you draw the line?
Op hasn't said the neighbour is exposing her genitals just her boobs.
Would it be ok to tell a topless sunbather to put a top on because you have children?

GrumpyPanda · 07/09/2023 10:59

CrabbiesGingerBeer · 07/09/2023 10:36

Show quote history

Nice try. But OP's neighbour isn't waving her dick about with the full intent of distressing her neighbours. And even if she took up topless sunbathing in her own yard as she's fully entitled to she wouldn't be exposing any genitals.

RockAndRollerskate · 07/09/2023 11:02

Not having a go at the OP here but it does wind me up that this entire thing would be a non issue if it was a topless bloke.

I would cause such a stir if I got my AA cups out on a British beach, but the dudes with tits I can only dream of can do it freely

CrabbiesGingerBeer · 07/09/2023 11:02

WeWereInParis · 07/09/2023 10:56

@CrabbiesGingerBeer that link specifies that genitals must be exposed - are breasts included in that?

No, that would apply in regard to the OP describing her as ‘naked’ in her room. I assumed that included full nudity. Breasts alone wouldn’t be enough for indecent exposure - the law says ‘genitals’.

It makes you wonder if there is a law to cover a woman going to Sainsbury’s in just her knickers. Breach of the peace, maybe?

Edited to add : Also, I posted that link in response to @VeridicalVagabond who posted she walked around naked. I assumed that meant no clothes at all.

alpenguin · 07/09/2023 11:03

No you don’t tell her. You teach your kids breasts are nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about and that in her own home your neighbour can wear or not wear what she wants without being embarrassed or shamed by nosy neighbours.

Dolores87 · 07/09/2023 11:06

I would put a note through the door.

When I was in my early 20s I had a flat. I didn't realise the curtains were so sheer you could see through them until when I was packing up to leave and was in the dark outside. Pretty sure all the neighbouring flats could have watched me having sex for the 2 years I lived there 😅 I wish someone had just let me know.

Dolores87 · 07/09/2023 11:07

To be fair though she might not realise people can see her and she might not be happy that people can see her. If someone politely lets her know then she can make her mind up whether she's happy people being able to see her or not.

supersop60 · 07/09/2023 11:07

@VeridicalVagabond
"tits akimbo" has given me a hilarious mental image!

WandaWonder · 07/09/2023 11:08

LubaLuca · 07/09/2023 09:05

Just knock and tell her, a note might freak her out a bit. Better to come directly from a female neighbour.

How on earth can she be freaked out by not realising people can see in a window?

Vintagecreamandcottagepie · 07/09/2023 11:10

Call me old fashioned but I don't want to see anyone's private parts, which boobs definitely are. Yes yes, they're primarily for breastfeeding, which i did and am a full supporter of. But you have to be really ignorant to deny they are also part of sexual attraction and sex itself.

Someone fleetingly passing a window with no clothes on in their own house is very different to standing there topless in full view of neighbours washing up for an extended period of time.

Men (and some women) like boobs. They're a turn on for them. If people are exposing these bits, eyes will be drawn to them, that's a fact and then to accuse someone of looking at said bits as being in the wrong is ludicrous.

We encourage our children to keep private areas covered by a swimming costume. Adults should do the same.

I don't want to see a pair of boobs when I look out of the window any more than I want to see a maked man standing there either.

It is exhibitionist, and an unwanted sight for lots of us.

Consideration for others goes a long way and is very much lacking here.

CrabbiesGingerBeer · 07/09/2023 11:11

GrumpyPanda · 07/09/2023 10:59

Nice try. But OP's neighbour isn't waving her dick about with the full intent of distressing her neighbours. And even if she took up topless sunbathing in her own yard as she's fully entitled to she wouldn't be exposing any genitals.

Show quote history

Not sure why that’s relevant to my response to @VeridicalVagabond saying she goes fully naked?

I agree with you about the offence requiring genitals to be exposed though.

Thelonelygiraffe · 07/09/2023 11:13

How bizarre! Does she know that she is visible from your house when she's washing up? She must do.

I'd have to tell her, though. It's not appropriate.

Lbym197 · 07/09/2023 11:13

@SnakesandKnives just got up off the floor after laughing at your post 😂

I would just ignore it myself.

Whataretheodds · 07/09/2023 11:14

Gemstar3 · 07/09/2023 09:09

I would just knock and say along the lines of “I don’t want to embarrass you but just I wanted to make you aware that from our house, number 6, we can see into your bedroom and kitchen.I just thought I’d let you know, as I didn’t want you to be flashing the neighbours for years without anyone telling you!”

She’ll either look mortified and thank you for letting her know or she’ll explain she’s a nudist, no harm done 🤷🏻‍♀️

This. No 'confronting' required.

HandScreen · 07/09/2023 11:17

Why do you find seeing some boobs "unsettling", OP? It sounds like you might need some mental health support.

Do you feel unsettled seeing women sunbathing topless or breastfeeding? Where does your discomfort come from, I wonder?

I think it's fine to walk around your own house topless. Please don't pass your anxieties onto your children.

andymary · 07/09/2023 11:17

Vintagecreamandcottagepie · 07/09/2023 11:10

Call me old fashioned but I don't want to see anyone's private parts, which boobs definitely are. Yes yes, they're primarily for breastfeeding, which i did and am a full supporter of. But you have to be really ignorant to deny they are also part of sexual attraction and sex itself.

Someone fleetingly passing a window with no clothes on in their own house is very different to standing there topless in full view of neighbours washing up for an extended period of time.

Men (and some women) like boobs. They're a turn on for them. If people are exposing these bits, eyes will be drawn to them, that's a fact and then to accuse someone of looking at said bits as being in the wrong is ludicrous.

We encourage our children to keep private areas covered by a swimming costume. Adults should do the same.

I don't want to see a pair of boobs when I look out of the window any more than I want to see a maked man standing there either.

It is exhibitionist, and an unwanted sight for lots of us.

Consideration for others goes a long way and is very much lacking here.

You're right, this is a very old fashioned comment and response.

"Consideration for others goes a long way and is very much lacking here."
Is not letting other people do their own thing in their own home also being considerate? She isn't doing anything illegal, and we're in the middle of a heatwave. Why are we putting restrictions into place on what other people can and can't do in their own home? It's not your home.

"I don't want to see a pair of boobs when I look out of the window any more than I want to see a naked man standing there either."
Looking out of your window is fine, but looking out of your window and into a neighbours window is a clear lack of privacy on your part.

IWishIWasABaller · 07/09/2023 11:21

I had a neighbour like this years ago who actually used to do this for attention,she was well known in the town for it . Whenever any husband or male was around she would suddenly be naked in full view rubbing cream into herself or doing yoga. Finally put an end to it when she did it in front of a group of underage boys who's parents reported it to the guards. She got a warning and that was the end of it . Had she been male it probably would have been taken more seriously

dawngreen · 07/09/2023 11:22

Mental health issue maybe? or just enjoys the attention

TeeBee · 07/09/2023 11:23

Meh, I couldn't get worked up over a pair of tits. I'd be inclined to ignore it.

WrylyAmused · 07/09/2023 11:24

Definitely with the posters who are wondering why it's a big deal.
Everyone has a body. Bodies are not inherently problematic, shameful or sexual. Teaching children to see bodies as shameful is far more problematic in my view.

In this era of heavily filtered social media, people being comfortable in their bodies, and people being aware that there are many types & shapes of bodies, all beautiful in their own way is something I see as a positive.

I suspect a lot of the posters who are saying she's unreasonable for being naked in her own house would also say she has every right to breastfeed in public (which I also agree with). So you believe her body is ok when used for a baby's benefit but not for her own comfort?

For those pushing the legal angle - there's a significant difference between her going about her own business in her own house while she happens to be naked and someone else happens to look and have an issue, compared to if she's intentionally exposing herself with the primary intent to create a reaction from potential onlookers.

Also... there's a big difference between someone being comfortable in their own skin, and being a nudist/naturist. I don't think either are wrong, but all the posters saying "if she's not bothered/doesn't cover up she's a nudist" - no, she might very well just have different views to you, and she likely doesn't need your judgemental labels.

Anxioys · 07/09/2023 11:25

Possibly an exhibitionist!

luckbealadytonight · 07/09/2023 11:26

If this thread was about me I wouldn't be surprised 😂

I've got two very young kids, one of which I'm breastfeeding and the other one just never stops running around. As a result I am quite often, running around with my boobs out.

I also frequently wash up my breast pump and bottles topless as my nipples are too sore to put anything on!

Sorry to one and all who've glanced my tits!

I can't exist with all my curtains and blinds closed. Prettying sure no one can see in my kitchen but they definitely can my living room and garden!

LornaMadge · 07/09/2023 11:29

There’s a parent at my daughters primary school who collected their child while topless yesterday! No one batted an eyelid! He has bigger boobs that I do 😂

StolenCookie · 07/09/2023 11:29

Honestly who cares? So what if she’s naked at the window? Your child clearly isn’t unsettled by it - the only person bothered is you! If you want to put a note through the door then go ahead but know that you’re the one with the problem, not anyone else!