Funniest lines from a sitcom

[Kingsleadhat]

Could do with a laugh at the moment, so I'm wondering what are people's favourite funny lines from a sitcom or film? Mine is from Victoria Wood's Dinnerladies : "Tony Blair. Stick two poems up in a bus shelter and call it a university! ". Cracks me up every time

lookatgiraffenow
"D'you know who do a nice paracetamol? ...Morrison's !"
😂😂😂😂😂

Blackadder to the Wise Woman: “Here is a purse of monies… which I’m not going to give you.”

Father Ted: the whole protest scene “Down with this sort of thing!”

Extras: “Give it some minge!”

dinnerladies, Dolly is praising Anita’s replacement Christine:

Dolly: “She’s fascinated by what she calls ‘The city beyond the shining water’.”

Jean: “Halifax?”

Keeping Up Appearances

Rose: “I loved that man totally. Every Wednesday!”
—————-
Hyacinth: “Richard! What a thing to say to someone with a solid silver, self-cleaning sauce separator!”

Open All Hours

Mrs Blewett: “I wouldn’t give you tuppence for ‘is kidneys! How much is your boiled ham?”
———————
Mrs Blewett: “I’m talking about the energy for going on living. For making the daily effort to put a cheerful face on things!”

Arkwright: “Oh! When are you going to start? Monday?”

"£4.99 on special offer and I'm still a fucking fiver short"

"Because sometimes you gotta kill a fish"

My favourite is from Soap where Jodie tells his boyfriend that he has got Carol pregnant. After a moment he says "You're probably wondering why." And Dennis replies "No. I'm still on how."

Just read every page to see if anyone said this one...and you posted as I was reading :)

Also...the scene from Gavin and Stacey about the toilet brush, smithy says to Gavin he thinks he's told people because of graffiti on a toilet brush.
Gavin: what's it say?
Smithy: Smithy was 'ere

To add to the Frasier love.

Niles: Nice shoes.
Frasier: Russell and Bromley
Niles: You NAMED your SHOES?!

Makes me giggle every time I walk past the shop!

On Watching many moons ago.
A woman was talking about the leather on her sofa being distressed, and the Liza Tarbuck character said "so would you be if I sat on you".

Sorry that should say sometimes the flowers arrange themselves Jim 🙄

Love this thread especially dinnerladies. A couple of my favourites.

Modern Family - Phil is burning sage before giving Jay a massage.
Phil: "Some Native Americans believe that burning sage wards off bad luck."
Jay: "How's that working out for them?"

Community:
Jeff: "Don't talk to me about romance. I had a threesome in a hot air balloon."

Frasiar again, Roz suspects she's pregnant and is looking at the condom packet
'Effective 99 times out of a hundred, I can't beat those odds.'
And when she tells Frasiar she is dating a French man,
He says, 'so that's it Roz, no American men left'.

Another us office one
michael Scott: I’m not superstitious , but I am a little stitious!

SO HAPPY to see Frasier getting so much love here! One of my fave shows ever.

Here’s mine:

Frasier : Roger, at Cornell University they have an incredible piece of scientific equipment known as the tunneling electron microscope. Now, this microscope is so powerful that by firing electrons you can actually see images of the atom, the infinitesimally minute building blocks of our universe. Roger, if I were using that microscope right now... I still wouldn't be able to locate my interest in your problem.

Father Ted - 'I hear you're a racist now Father'

Yes Minister - the part where Jim Hacker gives an explanation of who reads what newspapers.

Fawlty Towers - the one with the Germans where Basil goes on about not mentioning the war and in the end gets into an argument with the Germans where they say they didn't start it and Basil retortsthat they invaded Poland.

Motherland.
Amanda on her Christmas plans- We are having a blended family this year.
Liz- Sounds like a horrific smoothie !!😂

Also Alan Partridge, Dan! Dan! Dan!......DAN!!
and
Lynn, they're sex people!

Also from the wise woman scene:
Crone: That it be, that it be
Blackadder: Yes it is, not that it be. You don't have to speak to me like that, I'm not a tourist

Loving that there are so many dinnerladies fans on here! Hardly anyone I know watched it.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/telly_addicts/4773842-favourite-motherland-quotes

Reading these and more coming to mind.
Gavin and Stacey:
Smithy: “I’ve been thinking about ending it all to be honest, suicide…big time. How many Nurofen would I need to finish me off?”
Gavin: “You? You’d need hundreds.”
Smithy: “Can’t afford that can I? Not if I’m gonna have an holiday this year.”
Alan Partridge:

Bacon, 10 on 10. Button mushrooms, bingo. Black pudding, snap. Minor criticism, more distance between the eggs and the beans. I may want to mix them but I want that to be my decision. Use a sausage as a breakwater.
and
The whole chocolate orange superficial damage and invalidated the warranty by keeping it above room temperature

A friend cross-stitched a Malcolm Tucker quote for me that hangs on my wall.

Tucker's Law:
If some cunt can fuck something up that cunt will pick the worst possible time to fucking fuck it up, because that cunt's a cunt.

I love Peter Capaldi.

Just so you know, it's NOT that common, it DOESN'T happen to every guy and it IS a big deal!!

Best Rachel line ever.

From Gavin & Stacey
Bryn: ‘Dead now Roy, jumped off the top of Morrisons’

Alan Partridge to the kid in the country club bar: ‘Get you on the old jeans rule? Nazis!’

I was going to mention that one... after ranting about the "buggers he works with" and how if any of them tries to talk to him he'll "just tell them all to piss off", he then produces his vital piece of work equipment and stomps out of the pub! 😂