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Original poster

Funniest lines from a sitcom

463 replies

Kingsleadhat · 03/09/2023 14:44

Could do with a laugh at the moment, so I'm wondering what are people's favourite funny lines from a sitcom or film? Mine is from Victoria Wood's Dinnerladies : "Tony Blair. Stick two poems up in a bus shelter and call it a university! ". Cracks me up every time

OP posts:
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9
CheshireCat1 · 03/09/2023 21:14

lookatgiraffenow · 03/09/2023 14:53

Pretty much all of the lines that come out of Christine's mouth in Two Doors Down. The script is fantastic and Elaine C Smith's portrayal is so clever and spot-on!!

Love it, watched it over and over.

maddiemookins16mum · 03/09/2023 21:15

Robotalkingrubbish · 03/09/2023 18:13

Only Fools and Horses again, this still makes me laugh

Trigger claims that he's had his road sweeper's broom for 20 years. But then he adds that the broom has had 17 new heads and 14 new handles.

"How can it be the same bloody broom then?" asks Sid the café owner. Trigger produces a picture of him and his broom and asks: "what more proof do you need?"

One of the best.

ZadocPDederick · 03/09/2023 21:15

GolfEchoRomeoTangoIndia · 03/09/2023 20:09

Cabin Pressure. Pretty much all of it, and especially Ottery St Mary and especially especially Douglas explaining to Arthur how it got its name.
Transcription courtesy of https://arianedevere.livejournal.com/17537.html

ARTHUR: Why’s it called that, then, Skip?
MARTIN: What?
ARTHUR: Ottery St Mary.
MARTIN: I’ve no idea.
ARTHUR: Do you know, Douglas?
DOUGLAS: Yes.
MARTIN: Do you?
DOUGLAS: Certainly I do. You see, St Mary is the patron saint of Devon and she, of course, was famously martyred by being eaten alive by otters.
ARTHUR: Really?
DOUGLAS: Oh yes – rabid otters. So she’s always portrayed in pictures absolutely covered in otters.
ARTHUR: What, eating her?
DOUGLAS: Sometimes, in the more fire and brimstone churches. Elsewhere, the assumption is they’re all in heaven now and have made up, so they’re just shown milling about her, nuzzling her affectionately and offering her ottery kisses and gifts of haddock.
MARTIN: Douglas ...
ARTHUR: Why would the otters go to heaven if they ate a saint?
DOUGLAS: You’ve put your finger, Arthur, as is so often your way, on the crux of a thorny theological problem. So far, our best guess is simply that St Peter’s got a real soft spot for otters. He looks into those whiskery faces and goes, (in an affectionate voice) “You guys! I can’t stay mad at you!” and lets them into heaven.

The whole discussion around how many otters you can get into a plane cracks me up.

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TV
Needhelp101 · 03/09/2023 21:15

I've tried to copy and paste the Red Dwarf scene where Lister and Rimmer are discussing losing their virginity and failed. It's bloody funny.

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 03/09/2023 21:16

"Congratulations on passing your driving Christmas" (Still Game again)

43ontherocksporfavor · 03/09/2023 21:16

Cream, goood
custard, goood
jam, goood
beef, goood!
Joey enjoying Rachel’s botched trifle/shepherds pie hybrid.

maddiemookins16mum · 03/09/2023 21:16

Christine in Two Doors Down after somebody suggested they sit at the high stools in a coffee shop….

’we’re not sitting there, were not feckin Westlife’

SpamFrittersYouSay · 03/09/2023 21:19

Sheffieldbornandbred · 03/09/2023 18:45

Most of Black Books ep1
... the little book of calm and the tax return

Yes!!!

Also the scene in Fawlty Towers where the guest is complaining about the view from her bedroom window and Basil wonders whether she was expecting the hanging gardens of Babylon or herds of Wildebeast.

TheCosyRain · 03/09/2023 21:19

”When he kisses me, I go all goose pimply, like a great, big, pimply goose”.

Alice Tinker, Vicar of Dibley

43ontherocksporfavor · 03/09/2023 21:19

Alan Partridge “There’s more to Ireland , dan dis!”

Callipygion · 03/09/2023 21:20

“Nuns! Nuns! Reverse! Reverse!” Fr Jack

Funniest thing was a few years ago, when we were out shopping in town (my husband was in a wheelchair), waiting for the lift in a shop. Lift doors opened and there was a nun! You can guess what we both said! 🤣

43ontherocksporfavor · 03/09/2023 21:21

“Arse! Feck! Drink! Girls!” Father Ted of course.

Ellaone · 03/09/2023 21:21

Faulty Towers when Cybil tells Basil he’ll have to remove the dead pidgin from the water tank
Name Cybil Fawlty, category the bleeding obvious

Physicstruck · 03/09/2023 21:24

Or Eddie to Patsy abfab
‘have you eaten something?’
Patsy: ‘not since 1973’
😂

PearlRuby · 03/09/2023 21:25

The Royle Family when Barb says to Jim, you’ve got more faces than a town hall clock, and Nana chirps in with - and every one of thems miserable!

So funny!

carrotcaketop · 03/09/2023 21:25

Vicar of Dibley, Geraldine to Johnny Depp 'I've just come to invite you for drinks at the knickerage.. the knockerage..the vicarage'.

re the post about Man About the House I just watched that on ITVx as having a bit of a 70s/80s sitcom phase, and it does have quite a lot of funny lines, especially Mildred's acerbic and amorous comments.

ilovepixie · 03/09/2023 21:26

When Phoebe from friends is asked if she can help with something she replies ' Sorry I wish I could, but I don't want to'

Spudlet · 03/09/2023 21:29

The moose in Fawlty Towers!

Polly: Fawlty Towers?

Oh, hello,
Mrs. Fawlty.

Basil: I'm doing it!
I'm doing it now!

Tell her I'm
doing it now!

Polly: He says he's doing it now.

How's the nail?

Basil: I wish it was this one.

There.
Tell the Tyrant Queen her cardies
are safe forever.

Mr. Moose is up.

It's done, done, done!

Polly: It's up.

It's down again.

Did you use
a wall plug?

Basil: Give it to me!
Give it to me...

Aaah!

Polly: No, he just fell
over Manuel,

and he seems to have
got himself jammed

under the swivel chair.

And the flowers have
just fallen on him.

No, everything else
is fine.

ilovepixie · 03/09/2023 21:29

OFAH Del Boy and Rodney are chatting up a couple of girls up west, they are pretending Rodney is a famous tennis player and one of the girls says what do you prefer grass or AstroTurf and Rodney says I've never smoked Astro turf 😂😂

notprincehamlet · 03/09/2023 21:30

Another Dinnerladies one:

Dolly: On our road we have a lovely old church don't we Jean? Beautifully looked after, much used by the community.
Jean: It's a carpet shop.
Dolly: Now we hear there are plans for it to be taken over by some daft group. What are they Jean?
Jean: Christians.

43ontherocksporfavor · 03/09/2023 21:32

The Royle Family:
“Bloody ell Barb, these pants cost £1 and I’ve got 50p’s worth stuck up my arse!”

fetchacloth · 03/09/2023 21:37

Robotalkingrubbish · 03/09/2023 21:05

Not a sitcom but Julie Walters doing the two soups sketch, written by VW. Absolute genius! We always mention it, if we have soup.

Brilliant 🤣
Also from the same sitcom the Macaroons sketch - comedy gold at its finest 🤣

ohbygolly · 03/09/2023 21:38

Not one line, but I remember my Mum dying with laughter at Victoria Wood's 'Ballad of Barry and Freda'. A generation later, and it still makes me laugh out loud.

ilovepixie · 03/09/2023 21:41

From dinner ladies

The bread delivery girl, I’ve got high blood pressure and water retention. Do you know what that gives you?

Brenda Boiling water?

ilovepixie · 03/09/2023 21:44

did you put viagra in my tea? So, I've just taken a very powerful drug designed to combat male impotence, is that the situation? What will it do to a woman? Where will it go? What will happen when it gets down there and finds there's nothing to pump up? It'll be like a Range Rover going top speed into a cul-de-sac!

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