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Original poster

Funniest lines from a sitcom

463 replies

Kingsleadhat · 03/09/2023 14:44

Could do with a laugh at the moment, so I'm wondering what are people's favourite funny lines from a sitcom or film? Mine is from Victoria Wood's Dinnerladies : "Tony Blair. Stick two poems up in a bus shelter and call it a university! ". Cracks me up every time

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9
SplendidUtterly · 03/09/2023 22:50

Lacroix, baby spew. Lacroix, baby spew, darling!

grafittiartist · 03/09/2023 22:50

4291

Victor Meldrew answering the phone/ dog

poetrylover · 03/09/2023 22:59

It crowd, Douglas has his trousers down and moss is checking his special pants. The religious people come on a tour and Douglas tbs around - it looks like moss is giving him a bj and Douglas shouts F**k Off at them.

Introducing my boy to black books,it crowd, Brooklyn 99 and the like. We've also watched superstore.💕 is frasier suitable for a 13yr old? Might have to be next! 🤔

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TV
SecretVictoria · 03/09/2023 22:59

OFAH

Rodney: “If there is such a thing as reincarnation, knowing my luck I’ll come back as me!”

JackyinaTracky · 03/09/2023 23:00

Another Thin Blue Line classic from Inspector Grimm - It’s my arse on the line, so you’d better pull your finger out!

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 03/09/2023 23:05

Not a line of witty dialogue as such, but that scene in The Thin Blue Line where Grimm is trying to use the tap to properly wash his hands, but the water cuts out the instant he removes his hand, is priceless!

TheFifthTellytubby · 03/09/2023 23:09

From Blackadder Goes Forth (WWI series)
Blackadder thinks he's rumbled Nurse Mary as a spy, because when he asked her if the clever boyfriend she'd mentioned had been to one of the great universities, Oxford, Cambridge, or Hull, she "failed to spot that only two of those are great Universities". General Melchett (Stephen Fry, ex-Cambridge) then pipes up "That's right! Oxford's a complete dump!"😂

BreatheAndFocus · 03/09/2023 23:11

Absolutely Fabulous:

Patsy: 'One more facelift on this one and she'll have a beard'.

Eddy: Inside of me, there’s a thin person just screaming to get out!
Gran: Just the one, dear?

Eddie: 'You've given up drinking before...'
Patsy: 'Worst eight hours of my life'

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 03/09/2023 23:13

"A boy without a winkle? God be praised, it is a miracle. A boy without a winkle!"

Probably would elicit huge numbers of complaints now in these 'enlightened' times.

toadasoda · 03/09/2023 23:14

'Is it yourself? I thought it was Marilyn Monroe!'
Milkman to Mrs Doyle in Father Ted

Deadringer · 03/09/2023 23:18

Oh yes AbFab! Patsy is going through Eddie's knicker drawer to to borrow a pair, can't seem to find what she wants, Saffie says 'I think you will find they all have crotches'.
Eddie gets a sensory deprivation unit and is raving about how wonderful it is and how much she loves it. Then she says, 'I heard Fergie got one, shame, I will have to get rid of mine now.'

SandcastleQueen · 03/09/2023 23:23

The "luger in the cistern" joke from House of Fools. Oh my god, I cried laughing for a full 40 minutes. Wish I could remember the whole thing!

Crinkle77 · 03/09/2023 23:34

Not sure if this has already been done but the scene in After Life where Ricky Gervais is called a paedo at the playground and he replies 'If I was a paedo you'd be safe you tubby little ginger cunt.' I nearly spat my drink out it was so funny.

Crinkle77 · 03/09/2023 23:42

Another is Phoenix Nights where a gang of dwarfs are running towards the club and Paddy says 'How far away are they?'

SmoothSeasDoNotMakeGoodSailors · 03/09/2023 23:46

It's just a flesh wound...

Shrimpseyelashes · 04/09/2023 00:06

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 03/09/2023 19:05

From Parks And Rec

"I've looked up your symptoms and it says you might have network connectivity problems"

My favourite too!

NorthernSoul55 · 04/09/2023 00:12

Kingsleadhat · 03/09/2023 18:44

Father Ted was hilarious. Such a pity Graham Linehan isn't writing comedy for TV any more he's brilliant and it's a real loss to comedy. The court scene with Miss in the witness box makes me absolutely cry with laughter

Show quote history

This scene from the IT Crowd is my absolute favourite! Especially Moss calling the judge 'M' love'. And climbing over the witness box when he can't find the door to get out.

Enko · 04/09/2023 00:19

Modern family

Mitchell to Cameron as he is presenting baby Lily with the LionKing soundtrack
Turn it down..
Cameron. I cant its who I am
Mitchell. No the music I means the music.

pinkyredrose · 04/09/2023 00:22

'I'm not having a man talk up my skirt saying they recognise the face'

Mrs Slowcombe in Are You Being Served when they were filming for an advert for the store 😂

GrandTheftWalrus · 04/09/2023 00:33

lookatgiraffenow · 03/09/2023 14:53

Pretty much all of the lines that come out of Christine's mouth in Two Doors Down. The script is fantastic and Elaine C Smith's portrayal is so clever and spot-on!!

We've just started watching it and she reminds me of my mum! But yes she is brilliant. I laughed out loud at the ceiling falling on her twice.

Giggorata · 04/09/2023 00:36

The “ They're dead, Dave” scene from Red Dwarf:

and Malcom trying to describe Star Wars to Ollie in the Thick of It:

Everybodys dead Dave

Red Dwarfs Main Charater finds out that Everyones dead, From the episode "The End"

https://youtu.be/shs7VQhVvxA?si=2j-AKdmlL0onb1DR

CatNeedsFed · 04/09/2023 00:43

Showing my age here - in Duty Free where one of the characters says to the bullfighter "You're not an artist, you're a hit man for Fray Bentos."

VanillaImpulse · 04/09/2023 00:46

Gimme gimme gimme - love Kathy Burke.

Neighbour: Was he a ventriloquist?
Linda La Hughess* : Well, I wouldn't mind him putting his hand up my skirt and moving my lips, if you know what I mean!

Worriedcatmum · 04/09/2023 00:54

Not a sitcom, but Sean Lock’s “that’s a challenging wank” made me cry laughing. He was brilliant. Also Carrot in a box, and Mr Swallow’s Jurassic Park song.

TheresNoPiccalilliInThisJar · 04/09/2023 01:01

Ross: Have you ever put on a black cocktail dress and invited me up to your room?

Chandler: No...

Ross: Then you are neither of your parents!