Funniest lines from a sitcom

[Kingsleadhat]

Could do with a laugh at the moment, so I'm wondering what are people's favourite funny lines from a sitcom or film? Mine is from Victoria Wood's Dinnerladies : "Tony Blair. Stick two poems up in a bus shelter and call it a university! ". Cracks me up every time

That reminds me of another Frank Spencer one that had me giggling for ages:

Frank: "Your mother never liked me, did she, Betty?"
Betty: "No, I wouldn't say that at all, Frank - it's just that she'd hoped I'd marry somebody else."
Frank: "Oh? Who?"
Betty: "Well, nobody in particular...!"

sdgt "oh, it's a SCYTHE!"

Yet another Frasier one - Frasier has got himself a butler but it wasn't working out and the butler let him know he would be leaving.
Frasier was mortified and tried to persuade him to stay, eventually settling on the line, "What might change your mind? SEND yourself something!"

This one reminds me of one from good night sweetheart.

Reg: St. Reetham

Gary: It’s Streatham you pillock!

Hilarious!

That whole episode is so funny!

Jean: I can’t help but take the…
Dolly: Thankyou!!!

Another couple from dinnerladies

Dolly to her husband “And don’t tell me that magazine was there for standing a pot of paint in, those girls were grotesque”

In the same episode

Dolly to her husband: How dare you expect me to spend leisure time in the same building as fried potatoes! Do you want me to be 12 stone 2?

Ooh the "Christine" episode is the only one I don't like in dinnerladies

'its all the drama Mick. I just love it!'.

'Drive very slowly past number 23, I want her to see my hat'

From Yes Minister:

Hacker: Are you trying to be impertinent?
Bernard: No, Minister, I think if I tried to be impertinent I would succeed.

I loved Dinnerladies, my fave lines came from Bab's.
Babs: I've come from Urmston.
Tony: Have you?
Babs: There's two ways to get there.

Absolutely Fabulous - Femidoms

Gran washing up, turns around and remarks:

"They don't put fingers on these gloves"

I don’t get that one…

2 from George and Mildred (Man about the house spin off).
Mildred ( recalling a party sometime in the past)
'Ah George, you were a man that night. At least I think it was you....
When George was hiding from her for some reason 'George, I know you're in here somewhere, I can smell the fear'.
R.I.P Yootha Joyce, brilliant comedy actress.

Im probably in a minority, it's one of those IYKYK jokes.
Due to local geography you can technically only get to Urmston through two other towns and then only if your driving there although in reality there are loads of routes esp on foot.

The Golden Girls

Anything Dorothy says to Rose:

Rose: Is X upset about her breakup?
Dorothy: No, she's upset because they keep changing the flavour of Coke.

Rose: Is X upset about her breakup?
Dorothy: No, she's upset because Lionel Richie left the Commodores

Also from dinner ladies: Tony: I 've got nothing against women. I mean I like them in a sad, baffled sort of way

IT Crowd yet again:

Jen: "Go on, ask me what phone I've got! Go on, go on, ask me, ask me!!"
Roy: "What kind of phone have you got, Jen?"
Jen: "It doesn't matter!"

Moss: "Will you watch your ruddy language, my ears are NOT a toilet!"

Compere: "Welcome to the United Queeeeendom!!"
Moss: "Can they SAY that?!"

😂😂😂

lol Stan…”there’s three just you wait!” 😂😂

The IT Crowd

Roy: Fancy a big girly night out?
Moss: How big are the girls?

I started this company with only 2 things. A dream and 6 million pounds.

Peter File 😂

How Jen says “computer”

Victoria Wood was indeed a genius. The Ballad of Barry & Freda is one of the funniest things ever written.

More IT Crowd, Moss films a dating profile in the toilet while his mother interrogates him from outside:
Mum : Moss, what are you doing?
Moss : Number twos, leave me alone! Stop doing this, you're always doing this, you're making it go back in! Now, my type ...

Also: Goddam these electric sex pants!

IT Crowd

Moss: What kind of operating system does it use?
Man: Vista
Moss: We’re all going to die!!

Roy: I put my arse in your hands. My trouser hams are not for sale, sir.

The IT Crowd is so funny. The episode where they go to the gay musical and Moss ends up working behind the bar actually made my sides hurt.

"Leg disabled"

"Willie's, Willie's, I like Willie's..."
"Could you keep it down, sir?"

Just joining in on the IT Crowd love

'Coffee Tramp Toss Bitch' and 'Small Person Racist'

😂

Jen: "Mr Reynholm, I don't need to remind you of the report that denounced Reynholm Industries as an institutionally sexist organization."
Douglas: "Now, hold on a minute, sugar-tits!"

Moss: "I'll just put this over here with the rest…of the fire."

"You wouldn't steal a handbag. You wouldn't steal a car. You wouldn't steal a baby. You wouldn't shoot a policeman. And then steal his helmet. You wouldn't go to the toilet in his helmet. And then send it to the policeman's grieving widow. And then steal it again! Downloading films is stealing. If you do it, you will face the consequences."