Funniest lines from a sitcom

[Kingsleadhat]

Could do with a laugh at the moment, so I'm wondering what are people's favourite funny lines from a sitcom or film? Mine is from Victoria Wood's Dinnerladies : "Tony Blair. Stick two poems up in a bus shelter and call it a university! ". Cracks me up every time

Julie walters on dinnerladies. I had a baby at Xmas so I called her Brenda. Makes no sense but the deadpan faces and timing make it hilarious. Also Julie walters in 2 soups , so totally daft.

From Gavin and Stacey, via Nessa.

”I’ll have a pint. Of wine.”

“Oh, Stace. Will you do my back? The razor’s by the sink.”

I know we didn't do any of that stuff, because I didn't have my bag, my tools, my cloak. And anyway there's no way he could take that level of … "

Only Fools And Horses - The Unlucky Winner episode.

The one where they win a holiday and Rodney has to pretend to be 14 He's reluctant to join the other Groovy Gang kids and the leader says to Del, is he not a good mixer?

Del replies:
A good mixer? He’s like a Kenwood Chef when he gets going.

The Thin Blue Line:
"Your cock up, my arse"
I can't remember the context or much else of that programme, but that line was comedy gold

Changes his clothes less than Noddy ,😂

"Who are you, and how did you get in here?" "I'm a locksmith, and I'm a locksmith"

'If I had Hitler, Bin Laden and Toby and only two bullets, I'd shoot Toby twice'

Any 'Michael Scarn' moment.

Toby's exit interview.

Phoning David Wallace.

'That's what she said.'

Oh, watch The American Office, OP!

I think this is very Northern humour but on The Royale Family, Barbara asks Dave
have you had your tea?
yeah
what did you have?
sausage and chips
with gravy?
no my mum couldn’t be arsed
i don’t blame her it’s nearly summer

the idea that the only difference for summer is leaving the gravy off lol!

And Curb Your Enthusiasm...we quote 'I'm around town...' as a kind of exit from saying something that bombs. Taken from.Larry chatting up a girl by talking about disposing of a bowling ball.

Ab Fab scene

Eddie, on removing multiple nicotine patches from Patsy:

“Actually, most of these still look alright darling. They they seem to be leeching something out of you, rather than the other way around”

Sapphy “She’e probably recharging them!”

Only Fools And Horses - The Unlucky Winner episode.

The one where they win a holiday and Rodney has to pretend to be 14 He's reluctant to join the other Groovy Gang kids and the leader says to Del, is he not a good mixer?

Oh, yes, that was the best episode ever! The bit where the group host of the Groovy Gang turns to greet him and says "And you must be young Rod........ney" as he slowly looks up at the 'child' who is considerably taller than he is!

Yes ti Julie Walters in 2 Soups - absolute classic and Mrs Doyle falling out the window in Father Ted 🤣

We're sorry to come at a time like this Mrs Twice. We would have come earlier, but your husband wasn't dead then.

I have in my hands they keys to the gates of heaven. But I've got too many legs.

More recently the BBC Ghosts when Alison says WATCH OUT … for the sugar Terry , come on that’s too much! Love her comic timing and in fact all the cast and the whole 4 series 👏

Loving the love for Frazier.

IT crowd, the Seaworld episode.

"Her parents died in a fire in at seaworld, seaworld ?? !!

'Are you coming to watch the disco dancing championship later on?'

'Watch it? I'm in the final!'

Brilliant, I love these reminders.

Father Ted
"As God is my witness I WILL kick Bishop Brennan up the arse!"

Blackadder II selling his house
Mrs Pants: But what about the privvies?
Blackadder: Well, what we're talking here, in privvy terms, is the very latest in front wall fresh air orifices, combined with a wide capacity gutter installation below.
MrsP: You mean you crap out of the window?
B: Yes,
Mrs P: Thank God for that. I can't stand those dirty indoor things.

Mrs Doyle: “Now come on Father, what would you say to a nice cup of tea?”
Father Jack: “FECK OFF CUP!”

Ted: “What was it Jack used to say about the needy? He had a term for them.”
Dougal: “A shower of Bastards.”

Mrs Doyle: “Won’t you have some cake, Father? It’s got cocaine in it. Oh no, hang on, it’s not cocaine, is it? What do I mean now? The little things… raisins!”

The line from Parks & Rec:
Leslie Knope at an angry meeting: "What I hear when I'm being yelled at is people caring loudly at me."

More the delivery, but Father Jack saying “I’m SO SO SORRY” cracks me up every time

"Little orphan Funkhouser" is one of my favourite Curb scenes. It was improvised and when he says "I'm an orphan!", Larry genuinely laughs, which makes it even funnier.

If you haven't seen it, the SNL sketch where Larry David plays Kevin Roberts is hilarious - I had tears in my eyes the first time I saw it. "See you on the flip side" is now my standard sign-off 😂

The IT crowd scene: the Iran/a man confusion. Brilliant stuff but unfortunately wouldn't be allowed now.

Put the mouse back in the house, Friends

Agree
you have more faces than the town hall clock, and everyone of thems miserable
Barbara to Jim