Funniest lines from a sitcom

[Kingsleadhat]

Could do with a laugh at the moment, so I'm wondering what are people's favourite funny lines from a sitcom or film? Mine is from Victoria Wood's Dinnerladies : "Tony Blair. Stick two poems up in a bus shelter and call it a university! ". Cracks me up every time

The other greatest sitcom Fawlty Towers:

Major for me is up there with Father Jack in being able to steal the scene whenever they appear.

https://www.quotes.net/mquote/732856

Basil Fawlty: "Could you verify that, Major?"

Major Gowen: "What? Well, what, old boy?"

Basil Fawlty: "The-the-the... the money I gave you last night? Oh, you know, "for my wife's present." You remember, I gave it to you just before you went to the theater."

Major Gowen: "The theater?"

Basil Fawlty: "Well, yes... You-you-you-you remember! Hm? Hm?"

Basil Fawlty: [whispers] "The money I won on the horse."

Major Gowen: "A horse?"

Mrs. Richards: "What are you whispering? What are you saying?"

Major Gowen: "He says he won it on a horse."

Mrs. Richards: "Won it on a horse!"

Basil Fawlty: "It doesn't matter. Do you remember me giving it to you?"

Basil Fawlty: [Desperate] "Oh, think, please, think!"

Major Gowen: [Thinking hard for a moment] "What was the question again?"

One of my favourite ever things in a sitcom

plus “every time I went to the toilet right, she was round him right, like flies round shit! And she’s not even the fly because she’s too fat to be the fly! And she’s the shit. And that’s what they are, the two shovels of shit! And that’s it!

The Royle Family

Bloody love that episode of Phoenix nights. Randomly did a piece of A Level English coursework on that actual episode 😂😂

Friends when Ross gets a ridiculous tan…

Ross: I went to that tanning place your wife suggested

Chandler: Was that place….the Sun??

Holy Grail has some great one liners, but Life of Brian is a masterpiece from start to finish (What have the Romans ever done for us, Biggus Dickus, Welease Bwian etc.). Most of Holy Grail was filmed in Scotland (that scene you refer to was one of the few exceptions). Another from Brian:

Brian: "Look, you've got it all wrong. You don't need to follow me. You don't need to follow anybody. You've got to think for yourselves. You're all individuals."

Crowd in unison: "YES. WE'RE ALL INDIVIDUALS."

Single person in crowd: "I'm not..."

😂😂 love this as well! My sister and I used to rewind this scene multiple times because at the moment bishop Brennan says “you address me by my proper title you little bollocks” there is a howl of laughter from a woman in the audience and it’s so funny! Must have been hilarious live, but it doesn’t fail to make me laugh every time!

I also always hear that line in the voice of bishop Brennan 😂😂

Not a line as it was done silently, but the scene in Frasier where Niles is ironing his trousers is the best 5 minutes of tv ever!

The BEST episode of Frasier is Ham Radio where he decides to direct a radio play, panics that it's too long and casts Niles as most of the parts.

Dinnerladies

Talking about the gladiators
Tony “I’m with you there. The size of their legs. Not only do they look like they could give you a really good seeing to, but unlike most women they’d have no problems hanging out of the loft window and adjusting your aerial”

Father Ted
”Mrs Doyle said I could put my massive tool in her box”!

“He’s as useless as a marzipan dildo.”

”He’s so dense that light bends around him.”

Jez: “If YOU try to section me Mark you will have crossed a line and I will section you, so help me…”
Doctor: “Look guys. You’ve had your fun with the sectioning. There’s going to be no more sectioning today.”

Yes I just heard it in his voice ha!

My favourite moment is when they find the video footage showing the Bishop with his secret love child... and it shows him frolicking around the beach with a child in full Bishop vestments. Even thinking about that makes me laugh so much. It's hilarious anyway but I think its reference to the Bishop Casey scandal, anyone who grew up in Ireland will find it doubly funny.

The I.T crowd; when Roy uses the disabled toilets and gets caught using them by a disabled man. Then has to pretend to be disabled “I’m disabled in the legs”, “and my wheelchair has been stolen”.
peep show, when super Hans after smoking crack claims that it’s so morish.

Dinnerladies

"Are you not pregnant?"
"Not unless sperm can get through a sash window."

"Can you smell my Charlie?"

"Ey! Ey! Ey! Ey!"
"Is there a bus reversing?"

Anything else in the box, Pandora?

The scene in After life, when Ricky Gervais' character is walking past the school and the little red haired bully shouts "paedo" at him. Ricky's character (sorry can't remember his name) walks up close to him and said something like" if I was a paedo, you'd be safe enough, you ginger tubby c**t!"
It's just so outrageous because he's talking to a child, but oh my goodness it's wickedly hillarious. 🤣🤣🤣🙈

Not read the whole thread yet but immediately I thought of The Royle Family...
Jim: I'm not fiddling with myself!! A quid I paid for these pants and there's about 50 pence worth stuck up my arse

@toadasoda I remember when Madonna fell off those stairs at the Brits because of her cape and Twitter was instantly full of that meme of Bishop Brennan chasing Ted -or was it Dougal- with his red robes flowing in the wind!
’Don’t call me Len you little bollocks’!
I’ve a lapsed catholic friend who says it’s more documentary than sitcom 😂

[Reading classified ads in local paper] "Wedding Dress for sale. £150. Size 18, never worn. Bastard"

Love Phoenix nights quiz when they have to finish the song and all sing 'take my breath away' and then cut to Max and Paddy 'walking on the moon'.

Frasier again… my favourite of all is the whole scene when Daphne and Niles want to host Christmas and Frasier talks about the stockings he’s had loomed and the Mongolian goose he ordered for dinner… Niles says to bring the goose with him and Frasier says it’s an entree not a date 😂

Another Yes Minister one, when Hacker wanted a new office chair,and Bernard says “well there are two different types of chair for the two types of Minister. One that collapses immediately and one that goes round and round in circles.”

Do you like circuses?

Yes! This is the first quote that came to mind when I saw this thread, that line cracks me up!

I loved that scene when Frasier had installed some kind of soap dispenser in his loo. Niles is feeling really down because his marriage is imploding. He goes into the loo and there’s a deafening bang. Frasier and Martin stare at each other in horror. Niles staggers out of the loo covered in foam.

Not quite a “sitcom” more a sketch from a Morecambe & Wise show.
in one of the bedroom scenes, Eric is standing by the window smoking his pipe, hears a police car going past with siren blaring and says “He won’t sell much ice-cream going at that speed”