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Original poster

I messaged OW

166 replies

Loomy · 02/09/2023 17:59

DP (well let’s call him that for ease) was acting odd so I confronted him and he admitting to sleeping with the same person he slept with when we first met five years ago.
I forgave him then as we’d just met. I messaged the woman then who said she didn’t know I existed and they were just friends and I had nothing to worry about. Along with calling me unhinged for messaging her and thinking something was still going on back then.
Five years later, he admitted he slept with her last week at her house and last year in my bed.
This woman isn’t the only one.
I messaged her and told her I knew, that she wasn’t the only one, that DP had taken an STI test, and how disgusted I was that she would treat another woman like this especially when I was grieving (DM died recently) and had DC (not his but still bonded after 5 yrs).
Obviously I told DP a lot more and he’s had a piece of my mind many times since but I’m finding it so hard to comprehend how a woman could treat another woman like this. I would never do this to anyone and if DP wants to associate with someone like her then more fool him.
She didn’t reply to the message, she just forwarded it to DP. Which in my book makes her more of a coward that she didn’t even acknowledge me, or the pain she’s caused, or apologise.

OP posts:
AllOfThemWitches · 02/09/2023 18:02

Well she has no self respect and neither does your prick of a partner. You're better off without, he'll come crawling back when they get bored of each other.

Blackscrackleanddrag · 02/09/2023 18:04

She’s not responsible for your cheating partner.

She hadn’t really treated you like anything as she’s not responsible for where he puts his dick, he is. He’s treated you like shit.

Save your rage for him and kick him to the kerb.

Tweezeme1 · 02/09/2023 18:08

You seem more focused on her behaviour that your dp. She does not know you or owe you anything.
Find the strength to kick him to the kerb and move on. Thankfully you don’t have children with him and can move on

Ihonestlydontgetit · 02/09/2023 18:09

She isn't in a relationship with you, he is. You might have made a different decision to her but she owes you nothing.
Your DP is to blame, he broke his promises to you, he lied to you and he made the decision to betray you.

FOJN · 02/09/2023 18:11

He's been unfaithful with multiple women and you think this woman is the one responsible?

The common denominator is your cheating partner.

Yes it's shitty behaviour but you have no right to ask more of a random woman than you do of him.

Hope you've dumped him.

SilverCatStripes · 02/09/2023 18:11

You’re angry at the wrong person here OP.

Purpleavocado · 02/09/2023 18:11

He's the one who can't keep his dick in his pants. Focus on the person cheating on you. Do you really want to stay with him for the rest of your life?

Whataretheodds · 02/09/2023 18:12

Tweezeme1 · 02/09/2023 18:08

You seem more focused on her behaviour that your dp. She does not know you or owe you anything.
Find the strength to kick him to the kerb and move on. Thankfully you don’t have children with him and can move on

This

Hiddenvoice · 02/09/2023 18:13

What she did was wrong and horrible knowing he was in a relationship but to me he is far worse. He is the one who is meant to be committed to you, not her. The fact that he cheated with multiple women too is even more disgusting, but are you going to message them too?
Dump him, end the relationship and focus on building a happy life without him, don’t waste your energy on messaging her.

BellaAndDave · 02/09/2023 18:13

It takes 2 to have sex. Your partner cheated on you, you’re not in a relationship with this woman nor any of the others he cheated on you with. Get rid of him and don’t be a doormat.

ZolaBudd · 02/09/2023 18:14

Purpleavocado · 02/09/2023 18:11

He's the one who can't keep his dick in his pants. Focus on the person cheating on you. Do you really want to stay with him for the rest of your life?

Yup

Original poster
Loomy · 02/09/2023 18:14

No I don’t think the woman is responsible at all. DP has had my rage for the past week. But what I struggle with is the brass neck of being in my bed. I’m at the point where my opinion of men is very low right now but for a woman to knowingly do this seems worse some how.

OP posts:
Raggammuffin · 02/09/2023 18:17

I'd guess she feels some ''right'' because she met him first.

He's clearly completely faithless. It will be very hard I'm sure but if he starts trying to justify it, tell him the details won't help. Tell him you're turned off by his shabbiness, and mean it

Eugh.

ihaveanopinion · 02/09/2023 18:18

Did she know it was your bed? Is there signs that he lives there with you or could he have hidden them? The anger should be directed at your partner either way. She's probably single and has zero connection to you so probably finds it quite easy to block you out.

Shinyandnew1 · 02/09/2023 18:18

She owes you nothing. If it doesn’t bother him having sex with her in your bed, it’s hardly going to bother her.

Raggammuffin · 02/09/2023 18:19

Don't make the mistake of thinking that her ''crime'' is worse. From her pov, she slept with an x. You've been with him for 5 years but he probably gave her the impression it wasn't super serious, tbh, just plain sleeping with an x would give her that impression.

He is the one that has shown you his true colours. You'r not in a relationship with her so you don't need to respect her or admire her. You need to be able to respect him, trust him, and he's made it so that you can't.

SilverCatStripes · 02/09/2023 18:22

Loomy · 02/09/2023 18:14

No I don’t think the woman is responsible at all. DP has had my rage for the past week. But what I struggle with is the brass neck of being in my bed. I’m at the point where my opinion of men is very low right now but for a woman to knowingly do this seems worse some how.

Blaming her absolves him - don’t go down that route OP.

To be blunt - this woman owes you nothing, she hasn’t betrayed the ‘sisterhood’, she hasn’t betrayed you- she doesn’t know you.

The betrayal is entirely on your “D”P.

Wheresthebloomingsummersunshine · 02/09/2023 18:22

Your anger is misdirected. He's the one who cant keep his dick in his pants.
You need to take charge of you and your DCs future.

Aquamarine1029 · 02/09/2023 18:23

You are the biggest problem you've ever had. No one is forcing you to settle for this absolute dog shit of a man, yet there you are, making yourself look like a desperate lunatic by contacting the other woman when you should be getting rid of the man.

You've known exactly who he is right from the start. When is it going to sink in that he's not changing?

pilates · 02/09/2023 18:23

I hope you're not still with him

FourFourOne · 02/09/2023 18:23

Time to wake up, OP! As PP said, you’re angry at the wrong person. Your partner sounds vile and clearly has no respect for you. Unfortunately if you keep forgiving him, nothing is going to change. He will keep screwing around. He will also be the one to blame every single time, as he is the one who is committed to you, not the woman.

ElFupacabra · 02/09/2023 18:24

You get pricks of all sexes and genders. Your husband just found a female prick willing to do something shitty for their own desires.

Yes it’s a shitty thing to do, to knowingly do something that would cause another pain, upset and their life to change, but the cool girls will say otherwise…. Until one of them is snubbed at the school gates then it’s all #bekind and “women should support women”.

WhatWouldHopperDo · 02/09/2023 18:25

So are you going to finally dump
him?

Iamacatslave · 02/09/2023 18:25

Are you going to stay with him?

Icycloud · 02/09/2023 18:26

But why would he suddenly admit to it now

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