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Original poster

I messaged OW

166 replies

Loomy · 02/09/2023 17:59

DP (well let’s call him that for ease) was acting odd so I confronted him and he admitting to sleeping with the same person he slept with when we first met five years ago.
I forgave him then as we’d just met. I messaged the woman then who said she didn’t know I existed and they were just friends and I had nothing to worry about. Along with calling me unhinged for messaging her and thinking something was still going on back then.
Five years later, he admitted he slept with her last week at her house and last year in my bed.
This woman isn’t the only one.
I messaged her and told her I knew, that she wasn’t the only one, that DP had taken an STI test, and how disgusted I was that she would treat another woman like this especially when I was grieving (DM died recently) and had DC (not his but still bonded after 5 yrs).
Obviously I told DP a lot more and he’s had a piece of my mind many times since but I’m finding it so hard to comprehend how a woman could treat another woman like this. I would never do this to anyone and if DP wants to associate with someone like her then more fool him.
She didn’t reply to the message, she just forwarded it to DP. Which in my book makes her more of a coward that she didn’t even acknowledge me, or the pain she’s caused, or apologise.

OP posts:
Original poster
Loomy · 02/09/2023 19:50

Thanks for all your messages. I was hoping for a thread about the OW —to send to her— to get all the rage out as DP has been having it and I’m still left with residual how the fk could someone do that vibes.

OP posts:
NannyGythaOgg · 02/09/2023 19:50

MumblesParty · 02/09/2023 19:29

OP as usual all the OWs will be on this thread, telling you the OW owes you nothing, and it’s perfectly fine to shag someone else’s partner as long as you’re not friends with that person. Twisted logic, but sadly predictable on here.

That is NOT what anyone is saying. The other woman is clearly in the wrong too BUT it is her partner that is living with her, children having shildren with her. probably telling her he loves her.

All this woman knows is what he is telling her
'I'm only staying for the kids'
'We don't talk - she doesn't understand me (like you do)'
She's psycho, she's mental etc etc
We're not really together any more, we both live our own lives'
etc etc

The other woman is not innocent but she hasn't made the commitment that the partner has.

It's other women that have been in the situation of the OP rather than the other woman

Vitriolinsanity · 02/09/2023 19:52

Aquamarine1029 · 02/09/2023 18:23

You are the biggest problem you've ever had. No one is forcing you to settle for this absolute dog shit of a man, yet there you are, making yourself look like a desperate lunatic by contacting the other woman when you should be getting rid of the man.

You've known exactly who he is right from the start. When is it going to sink in that he's not changing?

I have to say, that's hit the nail right in the head.

How is he still in your home, anywhere near your child?

Figgygal · 02/09/2023 19:54

Don't waste your time on her op
If you staying with him after this you are mad!!

TheYadaYada · 02/09/2023 19:55

Loomy · 02/09/2023 19:50

Thanks for all your messages. I was hoping for a thread about the OW —to send to her— to get all the rage out as DP has been having it and I’m still left with residual how the fk could someone do that vibes.

You're still focussing on the OW. She owes you nothing.

Direct your anger at the cheating sleaze you are/were with.

Mrsttcno1 · 02/09/2023 19:56

Hi OP, I’m sorry your DP has done this to you, especially in your own bed that is honestly awful.

But I really wouldn’t bother contacting her any further, it is your DP who has done this to you- he owed you that loyalty not her, and unfortunately some women truly do not care whether the man they are sleeping with have partners or not! Although who knows what he told her, she may have believed you had separated?

Regardless of what she thought, it is your DP who has caused you this pain, so leave him and move on, don’t bother messaging her any further. She is a (presumably) single woman, she can technically have sex with whoever she likes, it’s your DP who should have held back.

Vinrouge4 · 02/09/2023 19:57

Why on earth haven’t you shown him the door? You are worth more than this. Have some respect for yourself.

MrsSkylerWhite · 02/09/2023 19:59

Blackscrackleanddrag · Today 18:04
She’s not responsible for your cheating partner.

She hadn’t really treated you like anything as she’s not responsible for where he puts his dick, he is. He’s treated you like shit.

Save your rage for him and kick him to the kerb.”

This. Why do so many women save their hatred and anger for the OW. She owes you nothing. Your partner is the deceptive, morally deprived arsehole.

PyongyangKipperbang · 02/09/2023 20:00

Loomy · 02/09/2023 19:50

Thanks for all your messages. I was hoping for a thread about the OW —to send to her— to get all the rage out as DP has been having it and I’m still left with residual how the fk could someone do that vibes.

Realistically....what would that achieve?

Nothing.

You would do it, and then look back and cringe. I promise you, cos thats exactly how I feel about the messages I sent to OW.

Its not about dignity or head held high or any of that shit, its about the fact that it wont make a tiny bit of difference to her. She doesnt care.

There is a saying about resentment being like swallowing poison but expecting the other person to die. Thats similar to this. Your anger makes you want to hurt her, but you are just hurting yourself.

Berlinlover · 02/09/2023 20:02

Your anger should be directed towards your cheating partner not the OW.

itsmyp4rty · 02/09/2023 20:02

I feel like he has sex with someone else, you get angry, he says sorry (or whatever), you fixate on the OW and forgive him - and then of course it happens again as he knows you're never going to leave him because if you were you'd have done it already.

Basically you've told him that he can do whatever he likes and you'll put up with it because you're worthless and have no self respect. It's sad OP, why are you treating yourself so badly?

WhisperingHi · 02/09/2023 20:02

I would stop focusing your efforts on a random woman and start thinking about why you're staying with a man who cheats on you continually and probably will do for the rest of your relationship. Why is your self esteem so low that you don't think you deserve better?

It sounds like you all need to grow up to be honest. Poor children stuck in the middle of all of this mess.

Hiddenvoice · 02/09/2023 20:07

Get rid of the dp op. He’s a cheat and has proved to you that he won’t be changing. He has no respect for you whatsoever as he’s cheating in your bed. He deserves all your rage but I’d be wondering what the point is, are you still with him? All I’d be saying to him is that he’s a low life and it’s over . You’ve given the ow a piece of your mind, now be the bigger person and don’t message her again.

If you send her a thread about her and how everyone thinks she’s disrespectful and rude then she will just think you’re crazy and potentially jealous. Your low life cheating partner slept with a few other women too, are you going to contact them all?

What she did was wrong but she wasn’t committed to you. She owes you nothing sadly. Your dp did this, yes it takes two to tango etc but to me it shows how little he cares if he carries on cheating and thinking he can get away with it.

MsRosley · 02/09/2023 20:07

Vitriolinsanity · 02/09/2023 19:52

I have to say, that's hit the nail right in the head.

How is he still in your home, anywhere near your child?

Show quote history

Yup. Rage all you want, OP, but for god's sake get some self respect and kick him out of your life.

Myworldjusthim · 02/09/2023 20:16

itsmyp4rty · 02/09/2023 20:02

I feel like he has sex with someone else, you get angry, he says sorry (or whatever), you fixate on the OW and forgive him - and then of course it happens again as he knows you're never going to leave him because if you were you'd have done it already.

Basically you've told him that he can do whatever he likes and you'll put up with it because you're worthless and have no self respect. It's sad OP, why are you treating yourself so badly?

I get the same from her posts. It’s almost like she’s caught her young DC smoking or skipping school and is telling him off and then just moving on with life like everything is normal. Children makes mistakes and learn about life from them. This is an adult man who has clearly realised his DP believes that “men will always be men” and will blame the OW. He really has no respect for OP as OP has no respect for herself.
I’m sorry he cheated OP, but it’s women like you that allow men to take the piss and be unfaithful. Has some self respect and raise your standards. Just like you feel that women should be loyal to the “sisterhood” and not cheat with married/taken men, some women feel that women like you are the ones that give the message to men that they don’t need to take responsibility of being loyal in relationships

Alwaysdecorating · 02/09/2023 20:21

Loomy · 02/09/2023 19:50

Thanks for all your messages. I was hoping for a thread about the OW —to send to her— to get all the rage out as DP has been having it and I’m still left with residual how the fk could someone do that vibes.

Ah so you wanted us to to slag her off so you could direct your rage at her…..then move on with your partner? That would make all better?

Why are so angry at her? Your partner is still your partner. Him shagging someone else isn’t a big enough deal to get rid of him….but it’s a big enough deal to harass her, try and get a load of strangers to slag her off to send to her, get your rage out at her?

If it’s not a big enough deal to get rid of him, it’s not a big enough deal to be carrying on like this at her.

Does he have a golden cock? A lot of money? What’s the reason you are willing to stay with some who thinks so little of you? At this point it’s not even really cheating. He shags around. You know it and move on from it. You accept it. It’s an open relationship

excelledyourself · 02/09/2023 20:25

if it wasn't her, it would be someone else.

He's the problem, and the only one you can have any real impact on.

continentallentil · 02/09/2023 20:33

if DP wants to associate with someone like her then more fool him.

OP I am sorry you are in this fix, but focusing on her rather than him is bonkers. He’s the one that’s fucked around on you, not her.

Letting it go the first time was a bad idea, please don’t do it again. Get rid.

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 02/09/2023 20:36

You're putting the blame on the wrong person.

Chippy4me · 02/09/2023 20:37

Loomy · 02/09/2023 18:14

No I don’t think the woman is responsible at all. DP has had my rage for the past week. But what I struggle with is the brass neck of being in my bed. I’m at the point where my opinion of men is very low right now but for a woman to knowingly do this seems worse some how.

So is he your DP or your ex?

If you’re not planning to get rid of him then messaging the OW was pointless as she’s probably just laughing at you and will 100% carry on doing what she’s doing, as will the other women.

Messaging the OW is not going to make DP stop cheating on you.

NotMyFinestMoment · 02/09/2023 20:45

You are projecting on to the wrong person. She is not in a relationship with you, he is.

User452023 · 02/09/2023 20:52

Him and the OW deserve each other. They don't have any respect for themselves or anyone else.

I hope your not going to stay with him.

You forgave him the last time.Please don't allow him to continue treating you so badly. If you stay you're just condemning yourself to a life of misery.

Kookookachooo · 02/09/2023 20:58

You will probably just have to accept it. You’ve let him get away with it so he will carry on shagging people in your bed.

If he doesn’t care, as your partner, why would the women who don’t know you?

Eddyraisins · 02/09/2023 21:01

Are you going to forgive him op?

WedRine · 02/09/2023 21:03

He showed you very early on in the relationship what kind of guy he was and you decided to turn the other cheek. He is a twat, but your fear of not being in a relationship is setting your bar for men far too low.