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Original poster

I messaged OW

166 replies

Loomy · 02/09/2023 17:59

DP (well let’s call him that for ease) was acting odd so I confronted him and he admitting to sleeping with the same person he slept with when we first met five years ago.
I forgave him then as we’d just met. I messaged the woman then who said she didn’t know I existed and they were just friends and I had nothing to worry about. Along with calling me unhinged for messaging her and thinking something was still going on back then.
Five years later, he admitted he slept with her last week at her house and last year in my bed.
This woman isn’t the only one.
I messaged her and told her I knew, that she wasn’t the only one, that DP had taken an STI test, and how disgusted I was that she would treat another woman like this especially when I was grieving (DM died recently) and had DC (not his but still bonded after 5 yrs).
Obviously I told DP a lot more and he’s had a piece of my mind many times since but I’m finding it so hard to comprehend how a woman could treat another woman like this. I would never do this to anyone and if DP wants to associate with someone like her then more fool him.
She didn’t reply to the message, she just forwarded it to DP. Which in my book makes her more of a coward that she didn’t even acknowledge me, or the pain she’s caused, or apologise.

OP posts:
DesertIslandHereICome · 02/09/2023 22:17

Better off showing these replies to your lowlife cheating scumbag of a partner.
A real man would want to be there for you whilst your grieving your Mum.
Not shagging another woman in your bed.

MsCactus · 02/09/2023 22:21

If she was single I would say that she's not really done anything to you - or anyone else - at all.

Your DP was in a relationship and made a commitment to you. He's the only one who broke a commitment to you - she hasn't promised you anything or broken any commitments to you, from what you've said.

So I would reserve your dislike for DP. Single people can sleep with who they like - and your DP might have told her he was single anyway, you don't know.

Onlinetherapist · 02/09/2023 22:24

You’re going to stay with him aren’t you?

Gladtoblasto · 02/09/2023 22:32

This feels like the classic 'focus on the OW'. Focus on splitting up with your 'partner'.

ihadamarveloustime · 02/09/2023 22:36

Loomy · 02/09/2023 18:14

No I don’t think the woman is responsible at all. DP has had my rage for the past week. But what I struggle with is the brass neck of being in my bed. I’m at the point where my opinion of men is very low right now but for a woman to knowingly do this seems worse some how.

It is not worse because she's a woman. She doesn't bear more responsibility than your DP because she's a woman.

The one who is supposedly in the committed relationship is the one who behaved 'worse', in this case, your DP.

FOJN · 02/09/2023 22:37

Loomy · 02/09/2023 19:50

Thanks for all your messages. I was hoping for a thread about the OW —to send to her— to get all the rage out as DP has been having it and I’m still left with residual how the fk could someone do that vibes.

Wow you thought you would use us to create a thread to punish the OW. That's shitty behaviour too.

See you in a few months when your arsehole partner is unfaithful with someone else. You are clearly looking to blame the OW to justify staying with him, you are no longer a victim you are a volunteer, you know exactly what he's like.

Feetupteashot · 02/09/2023 22:38

The issue is with your partner, not with her.

Itick8outof10boxes · 02/09/2023 22:43

OP you need a kick up the arse for putting up with this shit behaviour, stop contacting her, she doesn't care and it makes you look like a complete loon.
Boot him out and keep yourself respect in tact.
Don't be one of these women who want a man at any cost and put up with any shit. He's doing this because he knows he can, you'll shout and rant a bit but then it moves onto the next domestic drama and it's all forgotten again.

AllOfThemWitches · 02/09/2023 22:46

I mean, just because you don't HAVE to avoid sleeping with men in relationships, doesn't mean you shouldn't... both the so-called partner and the OW are desperate and cuntish.

MsDogLady · 02/09/2023 23:09

@Loomy, I hope you’re making plans to dump this morally bankrupt pig who has made a fool of you, risked your sexual health, and robbed your consent and choices for the past 5 years.

This practiced cheat thought that defiling your and DC’s home and your bed with OW was a really sexy idea. She certainly did her part to harm you and your child/children. Both are severely lacking in decency and integrity.

I would not be exposing my child to such a horrible role model who has no respect or loyalty to the family. Your raging at him will be a temporary nuisance to this kind of low individual, but will not deter his thirst for adultery.

Get him out, @Loomy.

2jacqi · 02/09/2023 23:10

dont know what you are playing at!!! you need to just get rid of this bloke and kick him into touch!! he is a waste of space and not good for you or your child!!! What are you waiting for????

wavws · 02/09/2023 23:11

Eh? I don’t get how she’s the target of your thread rage. She has no loyalty to you, she never did. He’s the one who has disregarded you, your bereavement and your children

Original poster
Loomy · 02/09/2023 23:22

Thanks for all the messages. It seems most of you decided to make this about DP which was the last thing I wanted. That man has had enough of my time and energy.
I was just raging about how a woman could behaviour so shitty also.
For those asking, I have moved out and renting a house. It was DPs house so I left. DC aren’t young as someone up thread mentioned they are almost adults.
Thanks for the perspective. I was tempted to drive round and speak face to face to see if I could talk sense in to her but you’re all right, if she can do this then she wouldn’t give a shit and would convince herself I’m unhinged.

OP posts:
Seashellies · 02/09/2023 23:30

It would be unhinged to drive round to hers and speak face to face, she wouldn't have to convince herself of that to be fair!

FourFourOne · 02/09/2023 23:33

Oh my god! You were seriously considering “talking sense into her” face to face?! I’m sorry but that sounds seriously unhinged!

You don’t seem to want to hear it, OP, but this is ALL about your partner. He is the problem. This woman is irrelevant - if not her, it’ll just be someone else (if it hasn’t already).

It’s time to stop blaming other women and face the reality of the situation.

ConnieTucker · 02/09/2023 23:45

I’m finding it so hard to comprehend how a woman could treat another woman like this
because you expectations of women are significantly higher than your expectations of men.

he has sex with multiply women and in your bed. But your rage is focused on one of the women. Youve already left him. Head up high and stop contacting her or you end up sending sympathy his way for having an unhinged partner.

surreygirl1987 · 02/09/2023 23:47

He's the issue, not her...

Nandocushion · 02/09/2023 23:49

It's okay to be angry at her as well as your ex, OP.

Solidarity.

Myworldjusthim · 02/09/2023 23:52

Loomy · 02/09/2023 23:22

Thanks for all the messages. It seems most of you decided to make this about DP which was the last thing I wanted. That man has had enough of my time and energy.
I was just raging about how a woman could behaviour so shitty also.
For those asking, I have moved out and renting a house. It was DPs house so I left. DC aren’t young as someone up thread mentioned they are almost adults.
Thanks for the perspective. I was tempted to drive round and speak face to face to see if I could talk sense in to her but you’re all right, if she can do this then she wouldn’t give a shit and would convince herself I’m unhinged.

Why would you drive round? Are you under the impression that she forced your DP to have sex with her in your bed? Your poor DP I don’t know how he managed!
Is the OW cheating on a long term partner/DH? If she is then she is as bad as your crappy DP, but if she isn’t then she’s not really done anything wrong. It’s not her fault your DH thinks so little of you, that he’s willing to have sex with other women.
Willing to bet she isn’t married or with someone because I guarantee you would’ve been knocking her door down already by now

BosworthBosworth · 02/09/2023 23:53

She probably thinks you don't mind, since you seem to keep taking him back.

WallaceinAnderland · 03/09/2023 00:00

They can do what they want, they are both adults.

All you can do OP is decide if you are going to stay with him.

If you stay then you have to accept that you are choosing to live with a cheating man.

Screamingabdabz · 03/09/2023 01:23

“…if she can do this”

Op are you deluded? Or thick? SHE hasn’t done this to you. HE has.

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 03/09/2023 01:32

Actions speak louder than words. He doesn't care and she doesn't care either. I'm sorry he betrayed you.

SpiderExtinction · 03/09/2023 01:48

Screamingabdabz · 03/09/2023 01:23

“…if she can do this”

Op are you deluded? Or thick? SHE hasn’t done this to you. HE has.

Sorry but that's mean. No need for that.

WandaWonder · 03/09/2023 01:54

He is at fault not her, your problem is with him