I messaged OW

[Loomy]

DP (well let’s call him that for ease) was acting odd so I confronted him and he admitting to sleeping with the same person he slept with when we first met five years ago.
I forgave him then as we’d just met. I messaged the woman then who said she didn’t know I existed and they were just friends and I had nothing to worry about. Along with calling me unhinged for messaging her and thinking something was still going on back then.
Five years later, he admitted he slept with her last week at her house and last year in my bed.
This woman isn’t the only one.
I messaged her and told her I knew, that she wasn’t the only one, that DP had taken an STI test, and how disgusted I was that she would treat another woman like this especially when I was grieving (DM died recently) and had DC (not his but still bonded after 5 yrs).
Obviously I told DP a lot more and he’s had a piece of my mind many times since but I’m finding it so hard to comprehend how a woman could treat another woman like this. I would never do this to anyone and if DP wants to associate with someone like her then more fool him.
She didn’t reply to the message, she just forwarded it to DP. Which in my book makes her more of a coward that she didn’t even acknowledge me, or the pain she’s caused, or apologise.

OP, Firstly I'm so sorry you are going through this, but you've done the right thing by moving out as it seems that this leopard doesn't change his spots.

I think women and men get their head turned without thinking of the consequences, the hurt they cause others,all for a-bit of excitement because they are bored or don't have the guts to finish with the person they are with in the first place. They probably like the attention also.

The thing is now, its time for self healing and if you need counselling to move on, go for it, it may help you understand why your partner did this, I don't know.

I do know they won't change and they will probably continue with the same behaviour, ppl who do this to others have no self worth or respect for themselves, will they regret it?, you would hope so in time.

I don’t get some of these answers. Absolutely not one person spouting off about this woman’s morals knows anything about what he told her. For all anyone knows she thought the relationship was over and they just Co habited till they could get something else sorted. Or he was letting her stay due to the kid.

all we do know for a fact is the op is with someone who cheats with multiple different women on her, even in their own bed.

and if I’d to put money on it, she’s still there and focusing on this one woman, as a way of diverting her anger, so she can stay with him.

the people with issues here are the op and her husband. It’s beyond fucked up.

Yep, bit pathetic, sorry. I've been the OW - in fact my partner and I are still,together several years on - and to be brutally honest, I never thought about his wife at all.

Hahaha I hope you remember this when he cheats on you 😆

Being an OW is also pathetic honestly.

I would be packing DP stuff instead of messaging her. Maybe you should really be asking "what type of woman, puts up with a man like this " no good blaming the other woman. If it wasn't her it would be someone else, and she isn't in a relationship with you and wouldn't have any loyalty to the OP.

What a stupid statement. You could easily flip that around to be that men would happily sleep with someone else’s partner because why shouldn’t they?

If people are going to cheat it’s because that’s who they are as a person. It’s nothing to do with gender.

What are you on about? Lots of men probably would but don't pretend you're better than them when you think women who knowingly sleep with other women's partners shouldn't take a long hard look at themselves.

Pretends I’m better than who?

I don’t know why you’re making this a gender thing, you seem to be saying it’s worse for women to cheat? Why should only women have a long hard look at themselves for doing the exact same thing as their male counterpart did?

You're calling me stupid but you seem to be struggling to understand me? Can you tell me exactly where I suggested that women who sleep with other people's partners are worse than men who do? I mean, they are equally shitty yet everyone is berating OP for feeling negatively towards the woman as well as her partner. I wonder why?

If you really want to speak to her then calm down first and journal about your feelings about it all. Give yourself time to process everything and heal for a bit and then once you are reasonably calm then you can write down what you want from the conversation then you can go and speak to her. But if you go now whilst you’re angry intending to fight/argue then what is going to come out of that productively?

daliesque. Yep, bit pathetic, sorry. I've been the OW - in fact my partner and I are still,together several years on - and to be brutally honest, I never thought about his wife at all.

Hooray for you! You and your cheating partner are still together several years on and you never thought about his wife at all. Do you want a medal?

Are you proud of your behaviour because you sound proud.. and also very selfish... How dare you call the OP pathetic.. You're one to talk.

You need to look at yourself because if anyone's pathetic it's you to be honest for boasting about sleeping with some other woman's man and having the cheek to pass judgement on other people. You lack moral decency!

Yes, the OP's guy is a loser, as has been said already, but if it wasn't the woman he went for, he'd easily go for some other loose woman that has so little respect for themselves that their willing to be with someone who already has a partner.

That's nothing to be proud of.

OP don't lower yourself by engaging with this man any further on any level. He's chosen to be with someone with little respect for themselves so let him now go and get on with it.

They make a good match!

But in the OP’s fevered mind it’s the OW who has completely masterminded this betrayal. Just to get at her personally. The OW is completely at fault. The man is a hapless fool that has just been led astray by the evil OW. Op is so completely consumed and obsessed by this random shag she’s probably already forgiven the cheating prick and posting lovey-dovey bullshit on Facebook but will hate the woman with a red hot fury for life.

Internalised misogyny at its finest.

Screamingabdabz · Today 00:07

I agree. Definitely OP's partner is solely to blame. He's the one who chose to be in a relationship with OP (unless from the start he said it would never be exclusive)

OP there's no point contacting the OW.

Just like the men involved in infidelity they are selfish individuals, with little respect or empathy for others. And as daliesque put it 'I didnt think about the wife at all'.

This shows why these women are able to sleep with other peoples partners.

Not all women would do this because we have self respect and morals. Maybe this is the point the OP was trying to make.

But as everyone has said, OP it's time to move on from this guy. OP you made a mistake by staying with him before.

He's dragging you down to his level which is a lack of respect.

Now you really need to put this relationship behind you once and for all.

@Screamingabdabz "But in the OP’s fevered mind it’s the OW who has completely masterminded this betrayal. "

WTF? You're just making things up now. You should run a masterclass on taking a couple of statements and twisting them so much that they're beyond recognition, you seem to be excellent at it.