Did/do you look for a man to 'protect' you as a significant aspect of a relationship?

[Echobelly]

Asking this as 'menosphere' social media types seem really obsessed with this idea that all women are looking for a man who will 'protect' them. Which never even occurred to me and I can't imagine has been a factor for any woman I know.

I wonder if to some extent it is more an American cultural thing, but even there it's probably bollocks and it's a projection of insecure men trying to find some reason women 'need' them? Like 'I'm stronger, so only I can protect her!', although that's messed up because it would mostly mean... protecting her from other men. And of course, the greatest danger to women is probably intimate male partners in the first place.

I can imagine a situation, perhaps where a woman has been hurt by a man she should have trusted as a child, where she may consciously look for a man she feels protects her when that man in her earlier life didn't, but I don't think women are even thinking about how much a guy can 'protect' her when looking for a life partner.

How bizarre.

“Protect” from what?

Absolutely I chose a partner who had the qualities to be able to 'protect' me/us as a family. Personally I find it most bizarre that a woman wouldn't find that attractive in a man!

Yes

Protect you from what? Personally it has never occurred to me that I need protecting. I'm almost 40 and haven't needed protecting yet.

Yes, I probably did but I couldn’t articulate what I wanted protecting from. It didn’t work. I don’t anticipate being in another relationship now, partly because I now couldn’t trust anyone that much.

It’s kind of something from the 1950’s though isn’t it?

I don’t understand what is meant by protect, protect from what?

Well I wouldn't use that word, and it goes both ways...I think of it more like looking after each other.

I think one can find the ability to protect attractive but these bro types think it's an quality all women must be actively looking for. I can imagine finding a bloke attractive for physical strength and willingness to be protective (as long as it's genuine protectiveness and not possessiveness, which is what bro types mistake it for) - but that kind of thing would be a 'bonus feature' not a requirement.

Romantic books and films wouldn't have some so well if this wasn't something women want.

Well I feel protected because I married someone I consider physically and mentally strong, loyal and true to his word. I suppose because I wouldn't want a partner who would buckle under pressure in difficult and dangerous situations. That is a real man who protects his partner/family.

Its not really protection as such, its more like being trustworthy and reliable. In the words of Rick Astley, a man who is:

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Not really. I’m sure he could, but the opportunity has never arisen. We don’t live in the Hunger Games.

There is an element of social conditioning which means I’m sure some women do seek out strong, manly men who could e.g. defend them in a physical confrontation, but unless you live the sort of lifestyle or in the sort of community where that’s likely to be something you need a man for it’s unlikely to be top of the list.

No. I looked for a man who I was sexually attracted to, who was bright enough to not be intimidated by me, who had integrity and an evil sense of humour.

Being protected sounds nice but I’d never then met a protective man, so it never crossed my mind.

A couple of decades later, I have met a few men (other women’s husbands 😂) who are protective of their wives and it looks really lovely 👀

But, if I had to tell a teenager what kind of guy to look for, I’d say the top priority is he comes from a pleasant family (by which I mean nice kind fun people without insecurity/competitiveness/addiction / mental health issues). People really do turn into their parents…

It has absolutely never entered my mind. So no.

It never occurred to me. No.

No, I looked after myself for years before DP came along and I’m not going to stop now.

Yes, when I think of protecting its not so much fending of a random mugger or attacker but more if someone from outside our relationship is being nasty to me or speaking poorly of me to him, they would defend me.

Or if I was having a battle at work , or with my family he would be emotionally protective of me. And also with some physical things, if I’m struggling to carry something he would rush in and lift the load so I won’t hurt myself.

I guess I like a man who is “protective of me “ which perhaps, has a slightly different meaning from a man “who protects” ?

No. I can do it myself.

Nope. I’m more than capable, thank you.

I wonder if I might feel differently if I was petite. At 5’10” I’ve never been able to try the ‘cute little girlfriend’ thing (my DH’s shirts don’t cut it for decent nightware, for example).

To add, some of this might come from not coming from the most secure family unit but it’s a dealbreaker for me.

As a POC woman I’ve done so much fighting on my own my entire life from a very young age against system, individuals, workplaces etc and I’ve heard all the “you’re so strong” words of praise from people around me and marvelling at how I do it all…and I’d rather someone come in and be a bit strong for me! Doesn’t mean I’m going to be melt and be a complete puddle but I would like a break.

I read threads on here about men who take their friends/siblings/parents side over their wives all the time or don’t step up to emotionally support them or even stay silent when a stranger is rude to them in a restaurant, and I feel nah..this is not what I’d like. I’d rather stay single.

Absolutely not. I find the idea insulting.

I have never in my life been attracted to a guy who has shown any signs of wanting to protect me.

Protect me from what anyway?! What kind of lives are these people living?

Yes. I didn't look for a protective man as such, but my DH is loyal and dependable, he always has my back, and I love that he has those qualities.

Fuck no.

I love my husband but I don’t need him to protect me. I can do that myself.

The guys the OP are talking about definitely mean physical protection.

No. Not only would it not have remotely occurred to me to seekout a protector, I would consider it a red flag if a man considered himself my protector.