Things your parents didn't believe in

[Aspergallus]

Inspired by the Timotei thread where someone mentioned that their mum didn't believe in hair conditioner, I realised there is actually quite a long list of things my parents didn't believe in that still leave me, at nearly 50 with DC of my own, feeling like I'm being ridiculously extra for doing every day things:

Hair conditioner as above -deemed totally unnecessary, not a real thing, and drain blocking by my parents. I had long, dry curly hair...

Vitamins -I bought my own as a teen as I thought it might help with acne. They behaved like I was shooting up H.

Make up. My mum believed that all make up (but particularly foundation) was the cause of all skin aging and would tell me (when I was wearing it to hide teenage acne) that once I was 40 I would look older than her as a result.

Tampons. Apparently if you used tampons, you'd have to go for a D&C every year or so due to "build up".

Deodorant. Not necessary if you washed apparently. They considered it something dirty people used in lieu of washing.

Sunglasses, especially when driving. Could make you go blind. Like the reading in the dark old wives tale. As a result my mum spend many a summer gardening with no eye protection and got early cataracts. Yet she still looks at me suspiciously, like I might crash, if I put them on to drive on a sunny day.

Contact lenses -seriously dangerous in their view.

Sun block -they were of that generation that used baby oil and encouraged me to do the same because I was so pale and unhealthy.

Changing job -you got one job and stuck with it or your CV would be ruined forever. And they took this literally, expecting me to stick with chambermaiding as a 17 year old. When I was in a professional role and given rotating training -shifting every 6 months, they were horrified. I'd never work again etc.

Hobbies including sport. They simply did not believe in hobbies or interests unless you were going to make it your whole life's devotion, career or it was going to take you to the Olympics. The idea that you might try something out, and not stick with it was outrageous.

I think my parents might have been particularly odd. There are other examples I can't bring myself to say out loud.

Please tell me other people have similar tales of things their parents didn't believe in...

I remember bringing a loofah home from the body shop once. Mum sniffed at it and moaned it was ' hard to dry out' in the bathroom
It mysteriously disappeared after a few months
I was given a copy of ' my guy ' a teen magazine that was poplar in the late 70s by a friend that also disappeared after a few days of being given ' a look ' by my mum who disapproved of fashion or boyfriend columns and magazines like this in general. Gave people 'ideas '!

Yes my mother is like this. She lets things sit out all day without refrigerating. Pays no attention to use by dates at all. Mouldy food in the fridge. I’m amazed she is still hale and hearty at 86! I remember having numerous bad bouts of food poisoning as a child. The doctor was never called.

I think it stems from not having a fridge for many years and not having central heating.

Same I had a hour and a half journey to school on the old routemasters I was the only one out of 9 of us to get to 8/9 and had to go by myself plenty of perverts about too but of course I was lying I mean wtf 😂🙄

We have a rule to have always ‘just eaten ‘when we go round to her house. Also people used to buy smaller amounts at a time and eat them within a couple of days rather than do big supermarket shops . She has never had a freezer and doesn’t understand the concept of them. Never had a dishwasher .

A lot of these are generational. My mum was a teenager in the 60s and she didn’t believe in getting washed more than once a week, because when she was young they could only afford to heat the water for a bath once a week. She also didn’t believe in wearing makeup other than mascara, and she prevented me wearing it until I left home in my twenties.

Ditto other things that she didn’t have access to in her youth - she didn’t believe in moisturiser, deodorant, shaving, or using tampons instead of pads. I wasn’t allowed to wash my hair when I had a period in case I got a brain tumour. She didn’t believe in yogurt (wasn’t available in the UK till the late 60s apparently), or olive oil (too expensive, just use sunflower oil).

She strongly believed that I had to “give in” to my husband and let him have sex with me whenever he wanted. She thought I should be a housewife and do the housework, and cook his dinner even though I worked too. And she was furious when I had a baby and wanted to go back to work, she thought I should give up work and do all of the childcare so my husband could have a career.

Needless to say, these attitudes that were forced on me made me a target for bullies in my youth. Because I wasn’t allowed to bath more than once a week, or use deodorant or makeup etc. And her attitude about marriage and motherhood drove a huge wedge between us, because it made me feel like she didn’t give a shit about me and just thought I should be a servant for a man.

I used to travel to school aged 5 on the back of my friend's bike - she was 8. In our defence, it was a small town.

My Mum was a teenager in the 40s and she wasn't like that at all when I was growing up.

Nor my dm

Always encouraged to bath or wash

@Piranhaha my mother had a lot of the same views and they suited her, she married a man who never used the power of being the earner against her. In a changing world, she utilised a few mental gymnastics to rationalise all of her high expectations on me. She considers herself superior to women who needed a career to have an identity. (Herbconclusion) She apparently didn't need such a prop. She knows who she is.

So, you can never get through, conversation is futile.

My mum also never wears make up. I do.

Once she called early and told me I looked like death warmed up 😅

Remembered a bit more.....

More on my parents' food buying, cooking, buying.

My parents lived in a small village across the other side of the country to all of their children. No shop, 1 bus daily but a mile walk to the stop. When they could drive it was fine.

However when illness stuck and neither could drive they were a bit stuck. I'd said that might happen, and that moving might be a good idea, but was shouted down.

So my Dad, being the only computer literate one in the house* , discovered Tesco on line. They'd sit down and my Mum would tell him what they needed for the next week. he'd type it in.

Except she'd no idea what was needed/he ignored her. So they got the same shop every week.

I'd go over every weekend and end up chucking rotting, still bagged salads, half eaten but rotting left-overs etc out of the fridge.

As someone above me has written 'we'd always just eaten'. We had the excuse of being vegan and so needing to take our own food.

*He wasn't as literate as he thought.

Ive just thought of another- public toilets. If we were absolutely busting we could use one but we were not allowed to sit on the seat as we might catch aids 🤦🏻‍♀️ this was 80s

yep used to walk to and from school from age of 5 numerous roads to cross side roads but never the less sometimes I was given money to get the bus home surprised nothing ever happened to us
No suncream here and living near a beach and being pale skinned and freckled I fot sunstroke on more than one occasion. Never offered water to drink on days out either
As someone else said a lot of these are generational things but even so
Oh yes and another dor years my mum never wore underwire bras as that would give you cancer
used to ride to my grandparents on my bike at age 7 no one knew I was coming and no phones anything could have happened no one would be any the wise for hours I suspect

This has reminded me of the time my mother bought a wooden toilet seat and my father went mad thinking that we'd all catch crabs.

I used to ride my bike round a lake on my own at 11. One winter I rode across it when it was iced over. No one knew where I was or what I was doing.
Also told never to sit on a toilet seat. I still don’t!!

There is a link to underwired bras being bad for health actually. The pressure affects the ability of the lymphatic system to work effectively . There is a school of thought which links them to increased risk of cancer .

Although if you are very busty, an underwired bra will be sort of necessary.

mainly my dad;
Vaccinations
painkillers
antibiotics
flouride

my mum:
spending money/doing up the house
tampons - didn’t stop me as I was 18 until
i could do them but didn’t approve
sex out of marriage ( I lived with ‘a friend’ in my 20s if anyone asked)
Going out to eat as an evening activity if you weren’t doing anything else after

Fluoride is a toxin and antibiotic resistance is a big thing now. Also vaccinations are a fraught area if you really look into it.

Fluoride has done an enormous amount to improve dental health in my lifetime. Antibiotics have saved countless lives. The fact that they've been overused is a problem, but doesn't mean we should be sceptical about antibiotics themselves. Let's not get onto antivaxxing on this thread. Plenty of others on MN where you can do that.

Yes this has now made me anxious about my underwires bras which I have worn for years'

I actually cannot wear a non wired bra have to wear them

I don’t believe in overuse of antibiotics but they save lives as do vaccines. Obviously.
as for fluoride, my teeth were terrible as a child as we didn’t use fluoride toothpaste. As soon as I bought my own I have had no cavities.

I loathe underwired bras and haven't worn one for many years. I'm not that small. Perfectly comfortable.

I loathe underwired bras and haven't worn one for many years. I'm not that small. Perfectly comfortable.

Me too. I've got some from M and S that are not underwired and I do fine with my large boobs. I had to get away from the awful feeling of the wire cutting into me.

Apart from gym bras, I’ve worn nothing but underwired bras my whole life. Never found them remotely uncomfortable.