Things your parents didn't believe in

[Aspergallus]

Inspired by the Timotei thread where someone mentioned that their mum didn't believe in hair conditioner, I realised there is actually quite a long list of things my parents didn't believe in that still leave me, at nearly 50 with DC of my own, feeling like I'm being ridiculously extra for doing every day things:

Hair conditioner as above -deemed totally unnecessary, not a real thing, and drain blocking by my parents. I had long, dry curly hair...

Vitamins -I bought my own as a teen as I thought it might help with acne. They behaved like I was shooting up H.

Make up. My mum believed that all make up (but particularly foundation) was the cause of all skin aging and would tell me (when I was wearing it to hide teenage acne) that once I was 40 I would look older than her as a result.

Tampons. Apparently if you used tampons, you'd have to go for a D&C every year or so due to "build up".

Deodorant. Not necessary if you washed apparently. They considered it something dirty people used in lieu of washing.

Sunglasses, especially when driving. Could make you go blind. Like the reading in the dark old wives tale. As a result my mum spend many a summer gardening with no eye protection and got early cataracts. Yet she still looks at me suspiciously, like I might crash, if I put them on to drive on a sunny day.

Contact lenses -seriously dangerous in their view.

Sun block -they were of that generation that used baby oil and encouraged me to do the same because I was so pale and unhealthy.

Changing job -you got one job and stuck with it or your CV would be ruined forever. And they took this literally, expecting me to stick with chambermaiding as a 17 year old. When I was in a professional role and given rotating training -shifting every 6 months, they were horrified. I'd never work again etc.

Hobbies including sport. They simply did not believe in hobbies or interests unless you were going to make it your whole life's devotion, career or it was going to take you to the Olympics. The idea that you might try something out, and not stick with it was outrageous.

I think my parents might have been particularly odd. There are other examples I can't bring myself to say out loud.

Please tell me other people have similar tales of things their parents didn't believe in...

This was the 1970s when most people way over cooked meat...

We're lucky to have posters who are able to 'see all'. How do they do it?

My parents couldn't deal with anyone who wasn't heterosexual or anything too they thought of as too modern. If a marriage broke up it was always the woman's fault , regardless. Divorce was frowned on big time.
Having a drink or any food whilst out shopping was an extravagance and I was told that tea could be made back at home.
Meals were always at set times and take ways were the odd treat once a year ( fish and chips )

Just smarter than you I guess.

My mum was the opposite. Two women living together have to be lesbians!

Especially if they have very short hair lol

My father always tried to say 'homosexual' without moving his lips.

My father never believed in ADHD, despite having a child who got up at 5am every single day, wreaked havoc, etc. As far as he was concerned it was something made up by Americans to excuse their permissive parenting. (Brother is textbook ADHD, diagnosed now, much happier.) Nobody point out that his parenting then was presumably "causing" my brother's behaviour: he can't accept that sort of logic.

Never believed that you talk nicely to children. If you do that, they don't toughen up. Just smack them and don't let them get too big for their boots.

He doesn't believe that fat people have any other reason for their weight than a lack of discipline. I'm fat now because of menopause and depression so that's always nice to hear from him.

Mother doesn't believe in brand name goods. She thinks every last thing is made the same way in the same factory from the same ingredients. She won't be swayed. There's nothing wrong with this per se, off brand is good now, but it didn't used to be in the 80s I don't think. The point is more that she sneers if I bring out something that's a brand name, tells me every time I could have paid less for the same thing. It's just tedious as fuck. I'm sure she's occasionally right but I don't care. If I want a McVities Hob Nob I will have one, it's not doing any harm.

<snigger>

lunch at 12
tea at 5
every day was often starving by bedtime !!

Oh yes. Paying for anything online. Far too dangerous. Instead they call up a call centre and provide a poorly treated minimum wage worker with all their card details instead.

If something needs to be purchased online then I must do it with my card as clearly I have some kind of immunity from online thievery.

Same here!

Clearly my money and details can be thrown around online with impunity, but their own?! Good God no!!!

My father will now do it, but my mother wont and insists that he do it on his card. But then this is a woman who until covid (in her 60;s so not ancient) would cut up debit cards when they arrived at the house and would only withdraw cash at the bank by cashing a cheque over the counter. Her fear of catching Covid was greater than her fear of "someone" stealing all her money so then she accepted a card and went contactless, I think she still withdraws cash over the counter though although admittedly with her card now.

When I first got the mobile banking app she went crackers and actually said "Well I hope you dont mind some one stealing your house!" and she meant it. Says now that she was joking but she really wasnt. Her level of paranoia is next level, always has been. I feel for her as she is always so stressed about things like that.

Lol I recognise some of these. My parents were

suncream - expensive waste of money, i got badly burned every.single.summer. Since buying suncream as an adult, its very very oddest occasion i get burnt now…

make up- will clog your pores and make you get spots/age you

Currys or any foreign foods inc pizza!! This was 90s- would never try them (dont know what was in them) and stuck to traditional meat and two veg dinners, liver and onions, tinned spam, sliced tongue from butchers etc 🤮

My parents same. A particularly violent aversion to garlic, which 'ruined' good food. Suspicious of coffee unless made with a mug of milk, one teaspoon of instant and a ton of sugar. No 'funny teas' like Earl Grey. Cauliflower was 'tasteless' without white sauce. Dried fruit like dates and figs was made in some foreign country by being 'stamped on by people with bare feet'.

OMG garlic! I had forgotten that one!

I remember once, when I was a teen, I was making something for Home Economics and the recipe said garlic and ma said "Well you can leave that out, no one likes garlic do they?" What she meant was that SHE didnt like it, so my father couldnt have it and my sister and I didnt get to find out if we liked it!

As it was, I had to do it as per the recipe as it was for a GCSE assessment thing, and everyone loved it. Except her. But it turned out that actually she did, but couldnt back down from her "no one likes garlic" stance. It got gradually forgotten in the next year or so funnily enough!

As for why I was doing Home Ec at GCSE....well that is for the same reason that I was forced to take Typing instead of History (easily my best subject). Because "You need GCSE's that will actually be some use to you". Even the headmaster of the school got involved over the history one, but no, they were not moved. Typing would get me a job.

Except it didnt. All my RSA III has got me is the ability to tell strangers on the internet that they are wrong faster than anyone else!

the "5 year old left for two minutes" restaurant thread just got me thinking....

My mother is so insanely paranoid about someone getting one over on her financially. I mean she is so fiercely protective about her money (of which she has a lot) that she once kicked right off at me for not paying back the £3 bus fare I owed her when I went round the next day. I was there to drop off something they were borrowing, ironically, and hadnt bought my purse with me. The only reason I owed it was because I was buggy wrangling and she paid it so we could get on quicker.

But......me and my sister would be left outside the shop for half an hour in the pram while she shopped. Pushed out of the house in the morning and not bothered about until lunch time and then again until dinner. Sent to the shops/school/friends alone from the age of 5. And as an adult when I was in emergency midnight surgery because I almost died she laughed, went on holiday and didnt call to see how I was.

Not sure where I am going with this but it has just shone a light on priorities. I think she kept a closer eye on her purse than she did us!

Jesus @PyongyangKipperbang .Your mother sounds a monster. We are all swapping memories of our parents' little idiosyncrasies and old fashioned beliefs here, but I have no doubt that I had really good caring parents regarding the things that matter. I am sorry you got lumbered with such a nasty uncaring miser.

The weird thing is, that she isnt a monster.

Well she isnt now. She was when we were kids, it was an abusive upbrining no question but she changed on menopause. She was at her worst the week before her period, violent, angry, volatile. But I dont think she could help it, I really dont and this was 70/80's....no help at all.

Then she hit 50 ish and spun on a sixpence. It was like the person she could have been all along was suddenly there. She is still on the snappy side of normal and is very "if I dont like it, no one should like it/want it/do it" but I guess its ingrained. We are very close now, we never were until I was well into my 30's because of how she was.

I think that the restaurant thread has just got me thinking that maybe the hormone related violence wasnt actually the worst thing, that she really couldnt help her reactions but lack of care emotionally was the worst thing. Going to be thinking a lot I think. Daft thing is I have posted a lot on this thread about lighthearted things which, in light of these thoughts, maybe dont seem so lighthearted at all. Sorry to have an existential crisis on a LH thread!

She still sounds like she has a personality disorder, sorry. I’m amazed you are close now.

@PyongyangKipperbang I’m trying to imagine myself laughing when my daughter’s having emergency surgery at midnight. It’s just impossible. Maybe you’re right and she couldn’t help the way she was, but bloody hell.
I think a lot of us have looked back at things that happened to us and realised just how bad it was.

My mother didn't believe in walking me to or from school once I reached the ripe old age of four.
We didn't live near the school,I had to cross five roads and I was absolutely terrified.

Crikey! I wanted to walk to school on my own at 5, but the school wouldn't allow it. My mum would have done, but it was a 2-minute walk involving crossing one very quiet residential road (mid 1960s). No way would she have let me go further on my own!

Back then the school would just let you out and shut the door behind you,teachers didn't hang around to make sure there was someone there to meet you.
When my son went to that same school there was a woman who never bothered to meet her kids,she taught them to pretend they'd spotted her in the crowd and the teachers would let them go.

So many of these.

Showers to the point I was scared of showers!

Deodorant make up and conditioner! I'm another one with thick hair!

Any kind of skin care - they were v suspicious of loofahs and body scrub and that kind of thing.

Again the dishwasher. What was bizarre is that my mum bought a house in the 90's with a garbage disposal unit and a dishwasher and refused to use them!

I got the bus to and from school at 8. I walked there and back from nine .

Are you my long lost sibling?

My Mum (and it was only my Mum) seemed to have a thing with mild, but regular, food poisoning of the pair of them. (My Dad was inordinately proud that he'd made mushroom soup when my Mum was in hospital having my sister in 1963 - he rarely ventured into the kitchen)

I'd call up with my regular call to hear the news that one or other or both were experiencing tummy upsets or the trots.

My Dad has long since died and I'm a part carer for my Mum. I can now see why they had so many upset stomachs. A general lack of food hygiene and understanding.

When she was still cooking we'd cull the living and dead contents from the fridge when we visited.

She has far fewer now that I or my brother cook for her and we send her back if she returns from the toilet too quickly.

Ah yes the stomach upsets - my mum if she cooked a chicken or joint of beef would carve some bits off for Sunday lunch then leave it sitting in the kitchen at room temperature until sometimes the next day, the Christmas turkey would sit on the worktop under a tea towel for about four days, being slowly 'used up'. The idea of putting cooked meat in the fridge wouldn't have occurred to her.