Things your parents didn't believe in

[Aspergallus]

Inspired by the Timotei thread where someone mentioned that their mum didn't believe in hair conditioner, I realised there is actually quite a long list of things my parents didn't believe in that still leave me, at nearly 50 with DC of my own, feeling like I'm being ridiculously extra for doing every day things:

Hair conditioner as above -deemed totally unnecessary, not a real thing, and drain blocking by my parents. I had long, dry curly hair...

Vitamins -I bought my own as a teen as I thought it might help with acne. They behaved like I was shooting up H.

Make up. My mum believed that all make up (but particularly foundation) was the cause of all skin aging and would tell me (when I was wearing it to hide teenage acne) that once I was 40 I would look older than her as a result.

Tampons. Apparently if you used tampons, you'd have to go for a D&C every year or so due to "build up".

Deodorant. Not necessary if you washed apparently. They considered it something dirty people used in lieu of washing.

Sunglasses, especially when driving. Could make you go blind. Like the reading in the dark old wives tale. As a result my mum spend many a summer gardening with no eye protection and got early cataracts. Yet she still looks at me suspiciously, like I might crash, if I put them on to drive on a sunny day.

Contact lenses -seriously dangerous in their view.

Sun block -they were of that generation that used baby oil and encouraged me to do the same because I was so pale and unhealthy.

Changing job -you got one job and stuck with it or your CV would be ruined forever. And they took this literally, expecting me to stick with chambermaiding as a 17 year old. When I was in a professional role and given rotating training -shifting every 6 months, they were horrified. I'd never work again etc.

Hobbies including sport. They simply did not believe in hobbies or interests unless you were going to make it your whole life's devotion, career or it was going to take you to the Olympics. The idea that you might try something out, and not stick with it was outrageous.

I think my parents might have been particularly odd. There are other examples I can't bring myself to say out loud.

Please tell me other people have similar tales of things their parents didn't believe in...

Eating beef (mad cow disease phobia).

My Nan did not believe in shaving legs and was very cross when I did so. She said they would grow back thick and twice as much.

She also didn't believe in eating 6 hours before swimming, and no big meals 24 hours before either.

So I know this is very much a Midland and Northern working class thing, but a belief that you should put clean underwear on each day because if you get run over and taken to hospital, the Doctor will be disgusted if he sees you have dirty knickers...

She couldn't be bothered, she was too tired. She was angry atme. Take your pick

@Feelingafailureagain Shame on your mother and also your school, too.

Also a Scottish thing.

My mother had to iron the sheets in case anybody would see them. When I asked her who, apart from her and my dad would see them, she said that she might be ill in bed and have to call the doctor! Yeah, like the doctor is going to go around the town gossiping about who had creased sheets .

Sadly her mindset was very much, "What will people think" and it pervaded every aspect of my life - even as an adult.

Thanks @Ameanstreakamilewide I begged for an apple and the school dinner ladies refused. Teachers never paid attention despite the obvious signs of neglect. Makes me so angry!

I can't fathom any adult witnessing a child's obvious distress like that. Bless your little heart. 💐

wearing your hair in anything other than a French plait to school - for smartness and it will keep away nits

never wear patent shoes because people will see your knickers

you don’t need to get your hair cut professionally / too expensive and she can do just as good a job at home. No one needs layers in their hair

NO FRINGES

shaving your armpits - she and my sisters barely have any armpit hair and my thick dark hair is obviously because I shave them

mouthwash - unnecessary and it was invented to get you to spend more money. Ditto for electric toothbrushes

tumble dryers

wallpaper - it’s “common”

using anything other than bleach diluted in various ways to clean

cloth nappies - she used to look after my oldest when we worked two days a week and couldn’t afford nursery. Refused to use them despite me leaving plenty in the bag and bringing a bucket with a lid she could chuck them in for me to take home and wash

any mention of periods/puberty/sex … we had to get our schoolbooks signed every day so our parents could see what we were doing at school and when we did sex education she refused to sign it so I got in trouble

Omg there’s so much more but I do love my mum very much 😂

so many women I've known have insisted on giving the house a clean from top to bottom before they go away on holiday, not because it's nice to come home to a tidy house (which it is) but 'in case the plane crashes and what people would say'. Yes, that's clearly going to be your last thought as a 747 plummets towards the ocean - 'oh no, my stairs need hoovered.' 🙄

Another of my DF’s and my PILs was that you never, ever phoned in sick to work. You went to work, even if it meant you’d then have to leave work midway through the day. I remember MIL giving me a scornful look because I was floored with the flu and couldn’t go to work.

Another was that you were not allowed to eat any food before you went to mass on a Sunday.

Yes! Same here! Weetabix with a big mound of sugar was fine, but Frosties? An absolute no!

My mother has this. When I was 8 and about to go on holiday, she warned me very seriously about a new drug available in Europe, which was painted onto stickers- like for sticker books- and temporary tattoos. I'm not denying that there could well have been a drug with a delivery method like this, but the way she talked, I'd have been forgiven for believing mainland Europe was simply rife with ruffians proffering drug laced stickers to children who had no means of buying them anyway, which seems like a dubious business model. Even at the time, I recall being a bit 'wtf'? She denies the conversation ever took place now, which is odd given that I'd absolutely understand a rueful 'yeah it was all over the papers and I lost my head a bit.'

The other big bug bears were:

• not allowed a drink if the meal was soup because 'soup is a drink'.
• not allowed to shave my legs. This one was my dad. Fine at 10, socially mortifying at 14.
• not allowed to dye my hair. Dad again. He was weirdly ok with makeup though.
• my mum had an aversion to changing rooms and forced us to try clothes on ON THE SHOP FLOOR.
• A genuine fear of me getting pregnant despite the fact that I looked like a dumpy maiden aunt and the chance of a boy holding my hand, let alone sleeping with me, was slim to none.
• Bob haircuts. Every time. Despite the fact I had massively thick, very wavy hair. I looked like I had a brown sponge on my head. Apparently the bobs were 'easier'. Whereas, actually, any woman over 20 knows that, to look good, a Bob requires a fair old bit of daily styling and upkeep.

Another was that you were not allowed to eat any food before you went to mass on a Sunday.

That is Canon Law to be fair… one must abstain for one hour from all food and drink, with the exception of water or medicine, prior to receiving the Eucharist (Canon 919).

Thats why the cafe over the road from my church does a roaring trade in brunch on a Sunday!

My mother was obsessed with ‘white slave traders’. She thought if I went travelling in France I would be abducted .

@Tiredanddistracted oh my god my mother used to make me try clothes on on the shop floor as well! Bloody mortifying! At the age of about 13 she tried it and I lost my rag, stormed out of the shop and went and caught the bus home!

Peel on fruit - my granny took all the peel off apples, peaches, pears etc, before handing it to us. Was it meant to be dirty or something? She was actually throwing most of the fibre away!

I don't understand people who don't eat baked potato skins either, that is my favourite bit.

I think in our parents generation much of what they believed in was based on what will people think!!
Another one my mum believed in is you should always wear a slip under every dress or skirt so no one could see your knickers!!

Flashback to being made to wear a petticoat to school!

True about what people think. Though when you consider many of them lived in, or grew up in, close-knit communities rife with gossip and judgement, they probably had reason!

This is horrifying. I'm so sorry.

I’d bet my house those same women don’t clean the house before they go out in the car. Yet they’re far, far more likely to die in a car accident close to their home that’s in a plane crash!

That was a very commonly accepted idea. I remember them myself .

Not true. Over the course of a years' driving you're more likely to die in a car, by comparison with a single plane journey, but if you compare a typical flight with a typical drive as per your assertion then a return flight is more risky.

Deaths on passenger journeys on commercial planes are currently around 0.1-0.2 per million so for a return flight let's call it 0.3.

Deaths of car passengers are around 17 per million per year. Much higher obviously, because you're comparing a year's car journeys with only two flights. But if you assume that most people take on average one car journey per week then your average return flight abroad on holiday is just as dangerous as a drive to the shops.

And that's without allowing for the fact that a) if you're going away on holiday for a week you may well be also be doing several coach/taxi/hire car journeys while you're away (in a country where the roads are far more dangerous than ours), and b) these stories come from decades ago when flights were far more dangerous (road deaths have also improved, but not quite as much).

Style & Beauty are still very keen on the full length slip in certain circumstances.

Either to conceal your knickers if your skirt/dress is a bit transparent, or to smooth out lumps, bumps and VPL. More of a thing when dresses were more bodycon - not so much right now, but they'll probably come back again, along with Spanx.

My parents were fairly normal. A friend’s parents had an absolute fixation with never paying for parking. Meaning they would drive around for an hour plus to find somewhere to park that they wouldn’t have to pay for.

Another friend’s mum would park, not pay for parking then either make up a weird lie to explain why she couldn’t pay for parking or moan about the parking ticket. Maybe this was a big thing in the late eighties.

My MIL told me ‘Taken’ was a true story and I should never go to France.