Things your parents didn't believe in

[Aspergallus]

Inspired by the Timotei thread where someone mentioned that their mum didn't believe in hair conditioner, I realised there is actually quite a long list of things my parents didn't believe in that still leave me, at nearly 50 with DC of my own, feeling like I'm being ridiculously extra for doing every day things:

Hair conditioner as above -deemed totally unnecessary, not a real thing, and drain blocking by my parents. I had long, dry curly hair...

Vitamins -I bought my own as a teen as I thought it might help with acne. They behaved like I was shooting up H.

Make up. My mum believed that all make up (but particularly foundation) was the cause of all skin aging and would tell me (when I was wearing it to hide teenage acne) that once I was 40 I would look older than her as a result.

Tampons. Apparently if you used tampons, you'd have to go for a D&C every year or so due to "build up".

Deodorant. Not necessary if you washed apparently. They considered it something dirty people used in lieu of washing.

Sunglasses, especially when driving. Could make you go blind. Like the reading in the dark old wives tale. As a result my mum spend many a summer gardening with no eye protection and got early cataracts. Yet she still looks at me suspiciously, like I might crash, if I put them on to drive on a sunny day.

Contact lenses -seriously dangerous in their view.

Sun block -they were of that generation that used baby oil and encouraged me to do the same because I was so pale and unhealthy.

Changing job -you got one job and stuck with it or your CV would be ruined forever. And they took this literally, expecting me to stick with chambermaiding as a 17 year old. When I was in a professional role and given rotating training -shifting every 6 months, they were horrified. I'd never work again etc.

Hobbies including sport. They simply did not believe in hobbies or interests unless you were going to make it your whole life's devotion, career or it was going to take you to the Olympics. The idea that you might try something out, and not stick with it was outrageous.

I think my parents might have been particularly odd. There are other examples I can't bring myself to say out loud.

Please tell me other people have similar tales of things their parents didn't believe in...

Ear piercing - if you were meant to have holes in your ears you would be born with them.

Cash points.
I think they went to the bank to withdraw cash right up until they died. It couldn't possibly be safe to withdraw money from a hole in the wall and you were bound to be robbed if you put your "cheque card" in one.
It's probably as well that they died before contactless payments started!

Central heating - they still refuse to have it installed in their 70’s & instead spend the whole winter freezing and lighting fires that don’t actually lift the chill in the house

Macdonalds - it’s capitalist junk food and should never be touched. I’m a 40 year old woman with my own house, married, two kids, responsible, professional job & I never would tell them I’ve eaten a Macdonlds even now. And as for ever feeding the children there - forget it

Talking about bodily functions

Also one should never discuss one’s salary or financial affairs in company. It’s considered inappropriate. They would never ever ask how much someone earns, for example. That topic is politely avoided

My mother in her 70s must be the only woman alive who still writes cheques for everything! Window cleaner.milkman,kids pocket money cheques for everything. It drives me insane.

Yes what will people think seemed to go on the end of lots of sentences
And as for divorce that was something to be very ashamed of and not spoken about
you were never allowed an apple after a certain time of night as it could lay on your stomach??
And nothing between meals as it would spoil your dinner even if said dinner was hours away!!
And sunday afternoons it was time to sit down and nothing would be done then we children were expected to amuse ourselves
parents also believed if you were on a late flight on holiday ie not one at the crack of dawn it was a con as you lost a day of your holiday despite me saying to them numerous times yes but you will then have a later time coming back
Meat was always bought from the butchers not the supermarket as it was cheaper cheese and sliced meats were also always bought from the deli never the pre packaged stuff of the supermarket shelves
For years my mum never put any fabric conditioner in the wash presumably because it cost
mum always wore her roĺl on basically tummy control pants you wore over your knickers she wouldnt leave the house without it

My mother bought cheese in British Home Stores cut with a wire. And assorted things from the food hall in Marks. Everything else was from local shops every day
Except Sunday. Money,costs,salries never discussed.
Mil demands to know everything financially related. We are vague in replies. She shops as cheaply as possible and has a freezer which has goodness knows what in it. She had eec intervention beef and butter for years. Nothing is thrown out.

If you're sitting fairly close together, along a loooong table, then leaning forward, elbows on the table means the people either side of you can't see/talk etc - and your elbows are probably in their way.

Since most people don't sit at tables like that now and if people have tables, they have plenty of room and often round tables, its not really important.

We had this rule and it really caused me problems - I didn't know why at the time but I have a bunch of physical problems that mean sitting up unsupported is horribly uncomfortable (makes my back ache and shoulders burn) and leaning forward a bit, elbows on the table far far more comfortable - I got shouted at and smacked a lot as a kid!

We also had to ask if we could leave the table 'please may I be excused from the table?' which again, made a lot more sense if you've got a lot of people around a table and not a lot of space - and it is also rude to just up and piss off whilst others are still eating. I don't think I've heard a kid ask that since I was a kid myself though!

There was only 5 of us in the family and we easily sat round a table. We were not well off at all but my mother was a social climber. So I assume ( dont know) that the no elbows rule was to emulate people from a different class?
The no elbows rule included forearms as well. Because if your forearms touched a table it is likely your elbows might too.

When my own family ( and friends) finish dinner we often sit round chatting afterwards and people put their elbows on the table as they are relaxed. Maybe cup their head in their hands whilst doing it- listening. Sometimes this might happen during a meal if someone pauses eating to listen. I can't believe that this is considered bad manners.

I thought the clean knickers in case you get run over was said tongue in cheek!

Much of it is to do with posture. To rest forearms and elbows on the table, one's posture isn't at one's best

Not as far as my paternal grandmother was concerned!

She was NOT happy when her sons were laughing about her saying it when they were kids and my Uncle (by then a retired police officer) said "Well in my experience, the first thing anyone does when they get hit by a bus is shit themselves!" Everyone else was laughing, as you do. She had a right go at him for swearing and being disrespectful.

She was loving and kind but had "views". Bless her, I do miss her!

Do you remember a strange brownish grey tights colour in M&S called Chinchilla? All the rage when I was a teenager!

Hearing aids. Far too embarrassing, much better to pretend that hearing loss doesn’t exist whilst you become more and more isolated.

Women having relationships with other women. Any cohabitating were either just friends or cousins.

Hanging around. Not allowed under any circumstances. Go to the shop but no hanging around. Don't hang around after school. My extended family all lived locally and there was no getting away with anything, they were all on patrol. 'if you are seen hanging around we'll hear about it and there will be consequences young lady.' There was a teenage hangout place in a park so we were banned from the park for fear we too would hang around. Basically it meant we were not allowed socialise with other teens. Bloody ridiculous 🙄

Chinchilla tights! Yes, I do remember those. That's a blast from the past!

My parents never use an ATM. The penny is slowly dropping that sending cheques as gifts is very old-fashioned! They are 89 and 90, though.

My DP wouldn't let us watch Grange Hill. Apparently we'd start talking like 'common people' if we did.

We were also sent to bed and expected to sleep at 7pm every night even when I was a teenager. I wasn't allowed up beyond 9 at night until I was about 15.

Made to call DPs Mummy and Daddy rather than Mum and Dad. If I invited friends over, I'd do anything to avoid calling my parents this to avoid the embarrassment. Using Mum and Dad was also common.

Haven't RTFT yet but I relate to a lot of what I've seen so far. I was born in the 80s.

My parents didn't believe in...
Children choosing their own friends, socialising with them, going to their houses or having them round ours.
Listening to kids or believing them.
Birthday parties.
Nights out of any kind.
Going outside at night for any reason.
Discos of any sort, whether that be nightclubs, school discos, wedding reception discos, a disco at a kid's birthday party, etc. They thought they were ALL hotbeds of drugs and people would think poorly of you for attending them so wanting to go to one meant you were mentally ill.
Concerts and festivals.
Pocket money.
Any kind of music except classical music.
Music videos, MTV.
Hobbies and interests, entertainment, holidays, having fun, learning through fun, anything that wasn't educational.
Cycling and jogging (again this meant you were mentally ill apparently).
Spending money on anything that was not food or education.
Talking about sex or about sexual abuse/harassment.
Seeking help for things like period problems, menopause, mental health.
They pretty much didn't believe in leaving the house!

I wasn't allowed:
Any hair removal, washing regularly, choosing clothes myself, changing clothes regularly, and not really allowed makeup (was occasionally given mum's old makeup even though we had different colouring). I had to really fight to get deodorant, bras and sanitary towels. My mum didn't allow me to wash at all when I was on my period!

Oh yes all these as well for me. I thought I had really odd and punitive parents but going on this thread it could have been much worse. I also wasn’t allowed birthday parties or presents. Or Xmas.

Oh yes I remember all that too! Haven’t worn tights in so long now I can’t even remember!

My Mum used to say "uncooked joints off the table, please"!.

I must admit, if I need to draw cash I use ATM's inside banks or shops. I figure there's less chance that anyone's fitted a skimming device to it.

My dad's nephew is gay and was out in the 1980s and lived with his boyfriend, and then a subsequent boyfriend whom he later married. I have really never heard anyone say the word 'friend' in the way my mother did when she was talking about these men. 'X and his friend'. You know, X's friend.' Lesbians were 'very unnatural women'. The idea that same sex relationships were somehow bogus and ridiculous was very prevalent.

My mother always referred to our friends' aunt's partner as 'Linda's friend' in a tone that implied she was anything but.

Yes what will people think seemed to go on the end of lots of sentences
And as for divorce that was something to be very ashamed of and not spoken about

I got divorced in 2010 and my mother changed her will so that I only got 1/4 of what my sister got because "I had brought shame on her"

It was considered a big disgrace to be pregnant before marriage and there were lots of girls who had to bring their wedding dates forward rather than be an unmarried mother..

My sister and I were warned not to come and announce we were "In the family way" as we would be put out of the house.

Not cooking meat properly.

This was the 1970s when most people way over cooked meat, ours was always half cooked.

Fine for beef and lamb, it's the normal way now to have it red in the middle, my mother was ahead of her time.

But chicken? If it needed 90 minutes she would only do 60 or even less, it meant the meat was still sinuery and pink.

Other than that they were pretty normal.