Things your parents didn't believe in

[Aspergallus]

Inspired by the Timotei thread where someone mentioned that their mum didn't believe in hair conditioner, I realised there is actually quite a long list of things my parents didn't believe in that still leave me, at nearly 50 with DC of my own, feeling like I'm being ridiculously extra for doing every day things:

Hair conditioner as above -deemed totally unnecessary, not a real thing, and drain blocking by my parents. I had long, dry curly hair...

Vitamins -I bought my own as a teen as I thought it might help with acne. They behaved like I was shooting up H.

Make up. My mum believed that all make up (but particularly foundation) was the cause of all skin aging and would tell me (when I was wearing it to hide teenage acne) that once I was 40 I would look older than her as a result.

Tampons. Apparently if you used tampons, you'd have to go for a D&C every year or so due to "build up".

Deodorant. Not necessary if you washed apparently. They considered it something dirty people used in lieu of washing.

Sunglasses, especially when driving. Could make you go blind. Like the reading in the dark old wives tale. As a result my mum spend many a summer gardening with no eye protection and got early cataracts. Yet she still looks at me suspiciously, like I might crash, if I put them on to drive on a sunny day.

Contact lenses -seriously dangerous in their view.

Sun block -they were of that generation that used baby oil and encouraged me to do the same because I was so pale and unhealthy.

Changing job -you got one job and stuck with it or your CV would be ruined forever. And they took this literally, expecting me to stick with chambermaiding as a 17 year old. When I was in a professional role and given rotating training -shifting every 6 months, they were horrified. I'd never work again etc.

Hobbies including sport. They simply did not believe in hobbies or interests unless you were going to make it your whole life's devotion, career or it was going to take you to the Olympics. The idea that you might try something out, and not stick with it was outrageous.

I think my parents might have been particularly odd. There are other examples I can't bring myself to say out loud.

Please tell me other people have similar tales of things their parents didn't believe in...

That was my parents as well.

When we went to the nearest big town we'd park in the nearest free parking. That was restricted to an hour's parking. The town was a good 15 minutes walk away, so we'd run in, rush round the shops and sprint back praying that the traffic warden wasn't late.

It cost 30p to park for 2 hours, and if you bought stuff from Asda (which we could have easily done) they refunded 20p of it.
If we'd been caught once and fined that would have been about 10 years worth of saving on parking, because we didn't go in that often.

One of the smaller towns had a nice little car park that cost 5p to park for an hour, but we couldn't possibly use that. There weren't many spaces to park on the road, so we'd drive round and round waiting for one to come up. Again it was restricted to either 30 minutes or an hour, so no leisurely shopping for us.

@MargaretThursday my parents are the same, we used to go to Newcastle but they’d insist on parking in a really rough part of town that was a 15 minute walk in rather than just paying a couple of quid to park, they also hate paying for food when they’re out so insist on having “brunch” before we leave the house, so if you’re going for a day out it’s almost 12 by the time you leave the house and you’ve lost half the day, but hey they didn’t have to spend £2 on a sandwich in Greggs so they think they’re winning!

Any kind of skincare except Nivea in a blue pot

Upstairs bathrooms

Showers

Snacks

Paying for parking

Using the car in general except to go to the supermarket once a week

My aunt told me not to eat jam with pips as a tree could start growing inside me!

Not allowed to wash hair during your period because it would stop it.
Not allowed tampons, unhygienic because your wee came out the same way.
Don't eat the last slice of cake/pie because somebody else might want it (so it got left until it was inedible and had to be thrown out.)

My father was deeply suspicious of upstairs bathrooms and would only use the downstairs toilet in our house.

Education - further education was for lazy people who wanted to avoid working, I was allowed to go to college but had to get a job too.

Passive smoke isn't dangerous- I suspect this was common in the 80's and 90's but I still repeatedly had to leave the room when I was pregnant a few years ago as I was just "making a fuss" when everyone was smoking around me in a small room.

Sharing the bath water, I remember asking my husband if he wanted me to "leave the water in for him" and he looked at me in horror 😂

These posts are making me laugh, I am your parents’ age but I can promise you am not like them at all. ‼️

Oh I like slips, a lot of summer dresses are see through these days (you may not notice until standing in the sun) so they are great in that instance.

I have so enjoyed this thread- thanks everyone who has contributed as it has made me feel less alone. Funny and tragic.
So my mother.... how long have you all got?!
My mother did not believe in elbows on the table at meal times. So the start of any meal was stressy as we got our arms slapped hard if we put elbows on the table. So we all had to eat with our arms rigid by our sides. Even as a small child I thought this was barking mad. Did anyone else experience this? I was brought up in the late 60's/70's.
I put my elbows on the table all the time now! Like the rest of the world.
In fact mealtimes were just a stressed out occasion that happened 3X a day.
You were not allowed to leave any food on the plate regardless of whether you liked what was served or not.
Puddings had to be eaten up too- lots of tapioca ( never hear of it now thank God), tinned peaches and rhubarb. I hated all of these but was expected to eat them as there was no such thing as being a fussy eater. If you didnt want to finish your plate you got the silent treatment at best or a blazing row at worst.
You had to eat really quickly and were told to ' hurry up' continually. No idea what that was about as were never going anywhere.
I had to jump up immediately after mealtimes to start the washing up.

Brothers were allowed out to play with friends all day but as a girl I was expected to clean, wash, iron and cook and was never allowed anywhere. Cinderella without the prince- that was me.
Parents thought the worst thing in the world was a spoilt child. A spoilt child happened when you showed any kind of love or affection.
My childhood was an endurance event that went on for 18 years.
Like many others have said- my own family is SO SO different. No chance that awfulness being passed on here.

I thought no elbows on the table was just basic table manners like not chewing with your mouth open. It’s never occurred to me to question it and I don’t think I’ve ever eaten a meal with someone who has put their elbows on the table (other than young children whose parents would remind them not to at the time). Maybe it’s the difference between company manners and home manners for some people.

It never meant ‘arms rigid by your sides’ though and the most I ever got was a gentle reminder rather than physical punishment. That was just your mother.

Did you ever manage to get your Mum to accept that wee doesn't come out of the vagina? I understand my grandmother (born in the early 1900s) thought this too, but she never studied biology. Explains a lot of prudishness and assumption that sex is dirty, I suppose.

My Dad's family were very hot on having no elbows on the table during meals. I can only assume it dates from a time when a large family were all crowded round a small table. 'All joints on the table to be eaten!' was the standing joke. We didn't get slapped for it, though, just told off.

DGF- women driving, was very scornful of a relative whose wife drove them everywhere.

DGM- type 1 diabetes, was horrified when my DD was diagnosed at 14, it was something to keep quiet about.
DM- Careers, no such thing, you have a job.

If there's plenty of room, what on earth is the problem with putting your elbows on the table, though? It's not something that would put other people off their food, such as chewing with mouth open, or talking through a mouthful of food. I can understand table manner rules that are about stopping people behaving in a disgusting way, but not the ones that are all to do with showing you belong to a particular class.

@llyz. Yes - elbows on the table - massive sin! See also - talking with food in mouth, eating with mouth open even a tiny bit. I mean I agree the last two are undesirable but DMs partner was batshit about it. In addition; not holding knife and fork properly - I had to have a demonstration as to whereabouts in the palm the end of the knife and fork should be sitting so that one's hand didn't stray too close to the business end of the cutlery. Obviously eating with a fork only was discouraged, as was slouching.

Sorry should have been @lyzz! I've thought of another - not asking for seconds or anything else because one should wait until it is offered. Not even "please may I have some more?"! "No you damn well may not!! Wait until it's offered to you". I mean when out and about maybe - but at home?! This person was brought up by incredibly strict parents though so maybe that's why they saw it as impertinence.

Only prostitutes wore black or dark tights (or black socks). Hence DM wore American Tan tights or white socks with trousers and to this say I look at women my age and older, see if they're wearing white socks and think 'yup, your mother told you that as well.'

Same for knee boots. The eye-rolling when I bought a pair (flat, brown and zip up and about as unprovocative as it was possible to be).

You don't get a sticky head from conditioner if you rinse it properly, it really does work for most people. Thinking split ends don't exist is very strange, they quite obviously do and its not made up by hairdressers 🤣 I think you're correct, your daughter is probably on here...

I was trying to imagine a prostitute in black socks and then I remembered the one I saw in Amsterdam who was wearing an orange bra and pants, grey slouchy socks and high heeled sandals over them It was November mind.

because if you get run over and taken to hospital, the Doctor will be disgusted if he sees you have dirty knickers...

That all ties in to the 'what people will think' that was so pervasive when a lot of us were growing up. Looking back you realise how constricting it was (and what a silly fear to have, as if any doctor would care).

I was trying to imagine a prostitute in black socks and then I remembered the one I saw in Amsterdam who was wearing an orange bra and pants, grey slouchy socks and high heeled sandals over them It was November mind

I think it was more the impression that ANY black hosiery was morally suspect and that extended to socks as well. I can only assume that was the thinking, given the number of women in their 80s I see wearing white socks.

underwear other than fine ribbed white cotton.

At my all girls secondary school in the 1970s, we could wear either American Tan or a similar beigey/browny colour or we could wear grey, but as far as I can recall black was not allowed. Grey was definitely the cooler option.

I'm afraid my mother wasn't even convinced by an anatomical drawing in a biology text book.

I remember a friend's mum used to always call after her when we were going out "do you have clean pants on? I don't want to be embarrassed at the hospital if you get run over."
One day my friend shouted back "I hope if I am run over, you'll be more worried about other things than how clean my pants are!"
Her mum was good enough to laugh.