Things your parents didn't believe in

[Aspergallus]

Inspired by the Timotei thread where someone mentioned that their mum didn't believe in hair conditioner, I realised there is actually quite a long list of things my parents didn't believe in that still leave me, at nearly 50 with DC of my own, feeling like I'm being ridiculously extra for doing every day things:

Hair conditioner as above -deemed totally unnecessary, not a real thing, and drain blocking by my parents. I had long, dry curly hair...

Vitamins -I bought my own as a teen as I thought it might help with acne. They behaved like I was shooting up H.

Make up. My mum believed that all make up (but particularly foundation) was the cause of all skin aging and would tell me (when I was wearing it to hide teenage acne) that once I was 40 I would look older than her as a result.

Tampons. Apparently if you used tampons, you'd have to go for a D&C every year or so due to "build up".

Deodorant. Not necessary if you washed apparently. They considered it something dirty people used in lieu of washing.

Sunglasses, especially when driving. Could make you go blind. Like the reading in the dark old wives tale. As a result my mum spend many a summer gardening with no eye protection and got early cataracts. Yet she still looks at me suspiciously, like I might crash, if I put them on to drive on a sunny day.

Contact lenses -seriously dangerous in their view.

Sun block -they were of that generation that used baby oil and encouraged me to do the same because I was so pale and unhealthy.

Changing job -you got one job and stuck with it or your CV would be ruined forever. And they took this literally, expecting me to stick with chambermaiding as a 17 year old. When I was in a professional role and given rotating training -shifting every 6 months, they were horrified. I'd never work again etc.

Hobbies including sport. They simply did not believe in hobbies or interests unless you were going to make it your whole life's devotion, career or it was going to take you to the Olympics. The idea that you might try something out, and not stick with it was outrageous.

I think my parents might have been particularly odd. There are other examples I can't bring myself to say out loud.

Please tell me other people have similar tales of things their parents didn't believe in...

Soap

No one in my family ever washed with anything other than water. We had swarfega for if you were actually muddy or visibly dirty.

Parenting.

My parents are absolutely lovely, educated and fun people who I have a good relationship with. But goodness knows how I would have survived as a child without my Grandmothers!

My parents believed that the sun in Kent was entirely different from the sun in Northern France ie we were slathered in sun cream "on holiday" but left to sizzle to a crisp in the UK.

Absolutely agree I even push the boat out sometimes I buy prechopped carrots which is another thing my mother frowned upon.

@Gerrataere luckily our pilchards were on tomato sauce but still equally as vile I'd imagine! We had the tinned chicken in white sauce too with rice. But to be honest I actually quite liked it because it had salt in it, which is another thing my mum didn't believe it.

A teenager having their own deodorant. They can share the family roll on.
A teenager having sufficient sanitary towels. Funnily enough this changed when my golden child sister needed sanitary towels. She was kitted out with a full set.
I had bad period pains as a teenager. My mum didn't believe in them as she didn't have them. Mind you, she thought her friend in hospital with cancer was "putting it on. " He ended up dying of it. She's always been a hypochondriac about herself, just doesn't like the attention being taken from her with anyone else's illness.

Things that still totally perplex my dad (he's not controlling about it, he doesn't tell me I shouldn't do these things, he just genuinely gets confused and a bit agitated about it):

Having a shower any time other than 6.30am, or a bath any time other than 8.30pm.

Having a hot drink whenever you fancy. Coffee is drunk at 11am, and tea can be drunk at either 2pm or 4pm.

Doing hobbies for fun, without being particularly/competitively good at them.

Sorry @honeybonbon That's a tale of survival against the odds.

Face painting, my mum would never let us have our faces painted. I asked her why once as an adult, as I'd always thought there was an actual reason, turned out she just really disliked what it looked like!

My step mum was always really weird about using "too many" sanitary towels. The whole thing was a horrible, controlling, shame-inducing experience.

Make up. My mum believed that all make up (but particularly foundation) was the cause of all skin aging and would tell me (when I was wearing it to hide teenage acne) that once I was 40 I would look older than her as a result.

Whether she's right or wrong, I'm kind of with your mum on this. When I watch make up tutorials and make up is being dragged all over the skin (the already perfect beautiful young skin) and eyelids are being stretched for say eyeliner, I can't help thinking they'll regret it in the future.

I have absolutely no scientific basis for this and am now going to copy this post to the "what made you feel middle-aged" thread 😂

A few people have mentioned the sanitary towel thing.

Was this about cost? Were they just massively expensive?

I have a sister, so with three menstruating women in the house I guess that could have been pricey. Or maybe because my dad had control of the money it was seen as a frivolous women's thing that wasn't necessary?

Anyway, not only did we have the ban on tampons, but we were only allowed those massive mattresses that stuck out straight forward from the front and back of your pants rather than bending, we were limited to 4 a day. I remember one tea time conversation when I was chastised because I'd used 7 one day and compared unfavourably to my sister.

I remember that they were so massive they had a whole cupboard of their own.

Funny a few people mentioning hair conditioner. My mum also wouldn't buy conditioner and I had long thick hair as a child full of knots and tangles and I remember it being brushed and so painful!

Jesus @honeybonbon You poor thing. I hope you have some help and support in your life now.

For those whose parents didn't believe in hair conditioner - how old are you? I'm an 80s child and my mother was the same.

I'm beginning to wonder if there was some weird health warning or something around the time?

(I have long, thick naturally curly hair and the amount of product I use as an adult 'Curly Girl' horrifies my mother now 😄)

Specifically my mum (not really dad):

• Makeup. makeup was not worn. Ever. Not even lipstick to a wedding. In spite of this, expensive makeup and skincare were bought in vast quantities and left to go bad in the bathroom for literal years.

• Banks.storing thousands of cash in a sponge bag in the bathroom. Why? Who the fuck knows.

• Non readers. openly judging people who don’t read fiction books as a hobby. « I just cannot imagine not reading! I just cannot imagine it! » well mum you know how you don’t like watching sport? It’s like that.

• never consulting anyone on where we wanted to go /do on holiday. Even Dad never got asked!

• Cleanliness. being a housewife who never cleaned and never arranged for a cleaner to come over (they could afford it) so the house was always filthy - and I mean caked in dust.

• throwing things away. Every childhood toy we had were all stored on the landing covered by a dusty bed throw. Nice.

• Listening. For example, when she asks me about work, somehow everything back to her 4 years working as a secretary for a car company in the mid 80s. « We had cyber attack at work this week mum »… instantly cuts me off « oh that’s like at the car company in 1984 when blah blah blah ». How is that the same??? There was no internet then, cyber attacks didn’t exist?

• hanging pictures on the wall. She has lived in her new build for 10 years. Walls are all plain magnolia that the builders did and have no art or family pictures up at all. It’s giving asylum vibes.

there are more! She is a lovely mother but utterly mental

@CharlotteStreetW1 well I kind of agree with you on the way lots of young women apply make up now, like aspiring MAU going to a photo shoot every day...but this was the early 80s and I just wanted to pat on a little light foundation/powder. Take the shine off my oily skin and the redness off my spots.

I would guess if there was actual science applied to it the net gain would favour (good quality?) make up rather than be against it given that UV light is the biggest issue for skin aging...make up might be protective. But I'm certainly no expert...

Though my mum has had lots of pre-cancerous skin lesions removed from her face neck and back while my skin (wearing some light makeup 80% of the time) is doing ok as I approach 50.

Also hair conditioner, salt, pain killers, sun cream, sun glasses, any shoes other than clarks, leaving food on your plate, eating out, drinking anything except tap water, jeans, paying for parking, paying to visit anywhere, paying to go on holiday (they weren’t short of money), paying for any clubs (so it was brownies or nothing, not even swimming lessons).

My Dad didn’t believe that my Mum could possibly find the internet, emails etc useful.

To him is was effectively men’s stuff. He effectively said as such when he was in his mid 70s.
She may well have found it interesting, useful, nice to keep in touch etc etc.

Too late now as dementia has entered the equation and so learning anything new is out of the question.

But she could have had a good 10 years of it an be clinging onto remnants now.

Partly because of this I really dislike it when a couple have a shared email address.

My mum used the massive ones because they were cheaper, and gave those to me initially, but when she realised I was buying Always with my own money instead of using them, she was mortified that I'd felt I needed to. I'm not really sure now why I felt I needed to - maybe because the ones she'd given me did work? She wasn't the best at talking about periods and so on, so maybe I just didn't want the awkward conversation (though in fairness her explanations of the biological, theoretical side were very good, and she did tell me the practical stuff, she just clearly felt awkward during the conversation.)

Very happy to be proved wrong - especially with a logical explanation 😊

@WhatAPalaverer YES! All of this. It's actually reassuring that so much of this stuff wasn't just us.

"Oh bless you OP, that is a weird list, especially the tampon one 🤨"

There are religions that forbid tampons and you still see some weird ideas about them in the adverts for menstrual cups.
When I was young they were considered fine, but not for very young teens.