Things your parents didn't believe in

[Aspergallus]

Inspired by the Timotei thread where someone mentioned that their mum didn't believe in hair conditioner, I realised there is actually quite a long list of things my parents didn't believe in that still leave me, at nearly 50 with DC of my own, feeling like I'm being ridiculously extra for doing every day things:

Hair conditioner as above -deemed totally unnecessary, not a real thing, and drain blocking by my parents. I had long, dry curly hair...

Vitamins -I bought my own as a teen as I thought it might help with acne. They behaved like I was shooting up H.

Make up. My mum believed that all make up (but particularly foundation) was the cause of all skin aging and would tell me (when I was wearing it to hide teenage acne) that once I was 40 I would look older than her as a result.

Tampons. Apparently if you used tampons, you'd have to go for a D&C every year or so due to "build up".

Deodorant. Not necessary if you washed apparently. They considered it something dirty people used in lieu of washing.

Sunglasses, especially when driving. Could make you go blind. Like the reading in the dark old wives tale. As a result my mum spend many a summer gardening with no eye protection and got early cataracts. Yet she still looks at me suspiciously, like I might crash, if I put them on to drive on a sunny day.

Contact lenses -seriously dangerous in their view.

Sun block -they were of that generation that used baby oil and encouraged me to do the same because I was so pale and unhealthy.

Changing job -you got one job and stuck with it or your CV would be ruined forever. And they took this literally, expecting me to stick with chambermaiding as a 17 year old. When I was in a professional role and given rotating training -shifting every 6 months, they were horrified. I'd never work again etc.

Hobbies including sport. They simply did not believe in hobbies or interests unless you were going to make it your whole life's devotion, career or it was going to take you to the Olympics. The idea that you might try something out, and not stick with it was outrageous.

I think my parents might have been particularly odd. There are other examples I can't bring myself to say out loud.

Please tell me other people have similar tales of things their parents didn't believe in...

Bathing more than twice a week. Waste of water. Feel gross just thinking about it now 🤢.

Not quite of the same vein but my generation of parents believed going to uni was an absolute must otherwise you’d never get anywhere in life. Biggest con sold to my (millennial) generation. Now I don’t believe in higher education unless it’s absolutely necessary to a longterm career and won’t be encouraging my children to hard if they’re not sure what path to take at 18.

*too hard. Maybe I should have done better in my education 🤣

@Gerrataere it's interesting how that changed. I'm not a millennial. One generation ahead of you. I went to uni and my parents thought was a total waste of time. They believed in trades, and that uni was about avoiding adult life and sponging off the state. (I went to uni the last year that student grants were available). To be honest, though I did a vocational professional course that couldn't have been studied any other way, I probably think more like you now. I guess its all cyclical.

• washing everyday

-fabric softener

-tumble dryers

-microwaves

-buying new clothes

-snacking or treat meals

-spoiling any of us with presents.

-replacing broken things

I grew up in the 90's and we lived on war time food liver and onions, tinned Pilchards, pies, savoury mince mixed with oats to bulk it out.
I ever got nice things like fashionable clothes, or new toys.
When I left home and had a family I was so brainwashed that instead of making my life easier and buying a book day costume I would be up at all hours sewing one. Took me a good decade to realise I'm worth it.

I think it was a case with late boomers/early Gen x that university was seen as this once unattainable institution for the elites, that by the time it opened up to late Gen x/millennials from any background to go that it was simply the ‘must thing to do’. Of course they didn’t see that any old course as long as it was a ‘degree’ wouldn’t actually help in the long run. As my sister said to me once ‘psychology degrees are so common these days I almost expect to find one in a Christmas cracker…’.

Oh my god the tinned pilchards! Usually drowned in vinegar. Tinned chicken in white sauce as well, like some unholy meat custard. Cover that in Lea and Perrins to make edible 😂

The European Union 🙄

Oh bless you OP, that is a weird list, especially the tampon one 🤨

Mine don't really believe in showering. They have a stand up strip wash at the sink every day and only get in the shower occasionally. They have two showers in their house but hardly ever use them 🤷🏻

Drinking water. They talk about being thirsty and then put the kettle on to make tea

Sunburn. We're all fair skinned but apparently going pink/red after a day in the sun is not a burn but 'just your skin getting used to the sun' 🙄 they do use suncream on holiday though

• Headphones - they will make you deaf
• Listening to music in your room as is unsociable apparently. Watching TV with your parents and letting them change channel as they wished or interrupt for a 20 min phone call was the only acceptable way of being 'sociable'. Calling for friends in the evening was not allowed as its family time.
• any type of lifestyle other than university education because we would be automatically wealthy on qualifying.
• obesity. Fat did not exist, people were curvy or had put on a few lbs. Its better to feed your kids til they burst rather than have a skinny child. Morbid obesity was fine too cos hey, 'at least they aren't anorexic!'
• being a good friend. It was always why should you go over there/ call her/ give her a lift/ let her borrow this etc. What will you get in return?.
• being nice to people of a 'lower class'. They'd be so lucky to be talking to you or sitting beside you in the first place there was no need for niceties.

Thankfully I strongly disagreed with my parents about just about everything, I'd hate to think how I'd have turned out if I'd soaked it up. Still battling the obesity, thanks Mum!

@fullbloom87 it's such a relief to let yourself off the hook and solve some easy problems now and again, isn't it. Like with the book day costume, sometimes it takes me a while to realist I've been doing it the hard way...unnecessarily.

@Lottapianos mine were ok-ish about baths and showers (thank god, given their position on deodorant) but the really odd thing was that whenever we were on holiday we were instructed to take face clothes and do a strip wash at the sink instead of using the hotel/B&Bs shower/bath. Using up the hot water in such a situation would have been extremely bad manners!

Shaving. This will make your hairs darker and you will become a wolf woman.

Discussing bodily functions. Periods must not be mentioned ever. Never discuss sanitary wear. Poo, see, farts, all banned to the point of someone farting loudly accidentally will just be talked over and we will all pretend we didn't just hear a massive fart.

My parents thought Frosties and Coco pops were too unhealthy and low class as they had sugar on them so gave us cornflakes and rice crispies, and a bowl of sugar so we could sprinkle a couple of spoonful's on top!

Most things my mother didn't believe in were prefaced by , "I've heard........" usually some ridiculous scaremongering fact from goodness knows where.

Microwaves - they give you cancer
Breast screening (she never went for her appointments) - they do things to your boobs
Automatic washing machines - they damage your clothes
Flying - the plane is bound to crash
Epidurals - she'd "heard" of a woman who was paralysed after having one

Mine did this for showers. We were supposed to strip wash in campsite toilets rather than use the showers (possibly because those sometimes came with a 20p charge - but they were the same in B&Bs).

It was maddeningly difficult and embarrassing what with people using the loos as normal. And possibly why my sister and I were obsessed with going to check out the toilet and shower block as soon as we arrived at a campsite and found out what sort of bathrooms we were dealing with for a week.

Lots and lots and lots of things! The two that come to mind are hobbies - absolutely no point unless they are going to become your life's devotion.

Also dishwashers. My mother is still horrified that not only do I have one, but I use it every single day.

Foreign holidays, even though they could afford them.

Yes, shaving would make the hair grow back thicker and darker so not an option.

Our pilchards were in tomato sauce.

I add:

• Spending more than a penny necessary on holiday, e.g. on a civilised flight time or a reserved seat, or a non set menu meal (even if you really don't want the set menu)

• Leaving any food on your plate whatsoever.

• Eating more than one biscuit at a time.

• Drinking more than a thimble full of OJ per day.

• using more than 2 squares of loo roll per visit

I do appreciate that most of these are borne of a time when we didn't have much spare cash at all and a post war, no waste mentality.

I wonder if I’m your sister because my parents did the same. It was horrible having communal washing facilities in the first throes of puberty.

they also don’t believe in dishwashers or tumble driers.

Heating

Feeding us properly
keeping us safe
protecting us

I could go on but it’s ‘not in the spirit’.

Tumble dryers

fabric softener

ironing

deoderant

God. Which is fine. The first couple of days of school were confusing though (daily prayers in those days).

Easter was WTF? “There is a green hill far away” is quite disturbing, when you are 4.

The two that come to mind are hobbies - absolutely no point unless they are going to become your life's devotion.

Yes, my mother had this mindset. Unfortunately she only want us to do hobbies that were of her interest - music, theatre and dance. She wanted at least one of us to live her failed dream and got extremely angry when I wanted to quit (‘I’ve wasted years and money on you, you could have made a great career out of this!’). Didn’t take on board that I had little talent, especially for dance/drama, it was never a hobby but a dedication apparently….

Judging people. Mum still does this even if someone is clearly a wanker.