Things your parents didn't believe in

[Aspergallus]

Inspired by the Timotei thread where someone mentioned that their mum didn't believe in hair conditioner, I realised there is actually quite a long list of things my parents didn't believe in that still leave me, at nearly 50 with DC of my own, feeling like I'm being ridiculously extra for doing every day things:

Hair conditioner as above -deemed totally unnecessary, not a real thing, and drain blocking by my parents. I had long, dry curly hair...

Vitamins -I bought my own as a teen as I thought it might help with acne. They behaved like I was shooting up H.

Make up. My mum believed that all make up (but particularly foundation) was the cause of all skin aging and would tell me (when I was wearing it to hide teenage acne) that once I was 40 I would look older than her as a result.

Tampons. Apparently if you used tampons, you'd have to go for a D&C every year or so due to "build up".

Deodorant. Not necessary if you washed apparently. They considered it something dirty people used in lieu of washing.

Sunglasses, especially when driving. Could make you go blind. Like the reading in the dark old wives tale. As a result my mum spend many a summer gardening with no eye protection and got early cataracts. Yet she still looks at me suspiciously, like I might crash, if I put them on to drive on a sunny day.

Contact lenses -seriously dangerous in their view.

Sun block -they were of that generation that used baby oil and encouraged me to do the same because I was so pale and unhealthy.

Changing job -you got one job and stuck with it or your CV would be ruined forever. And they took this literally, expecting me to stick with chambermaiding as a 17 year old. When I was in a professional role and given rotating training -shifting every 6 months, they were horrified. I'd never work again etc.

Hobbies including sport. They simply did not believe in hobbies or interests unless you were going to make it your whole life's devotion, career or it was going to take you to the Olympics. The idea that you might try something out, and not stick with it was outrageous.

I think my parents might have been particularly odd. There are other examples I can't bring myself to say out loud.

Please tell me other people have similar tales of things their parents didn't believe in...

I'm curious, what do you think now about what you believed then?

Conditioner can be helpful in some cases. I don't use it, I hate having a sticky head.

Split ends? Haven't heard them mentioned for years. Still think it's hairdresser bollocks.

Set days - when I was a child, my mother at her house and my grandmother at hers each had set days for meals. This was deeply ingrained! So Grandma (Tuesday - homemade soup, Thursday homemade potato hash, Friday-fish, Sunday- roast dinner). Mother Monday-potato hash, Tuesday-steak diane for adults, fish fingers for children, Wednesday - roast dinner (pork joint), Friday - Chicken from the deli, Saturday- sirloin roast. So rigid I remember it fifty years later.

I'm nearly 50 some of the things my parents didn't believe in:

Hair Conditioner
Fabric conditioner
Microwaves
Tampons
Shaving body hair
Never having a meal that didn't involve sitting down at the table with full cutlery .
Pyjamas outside the bedroom
Sleeping during the day
Lie ins
Being unwell
Paracetamol - medication generally

They had and still do have a real fear of anything that could be perceived as lazy or slovenly .Didn't realise there were so many till now !!

Treating their kids with any civility, respect or kindness 😞

Fruit.
Medication (although I think she had some abusive disorder - always taking me to the drs but then throwing away what they px)
Sanitary wear that wasn't an inch thick.
Hair dye - I dyed mine purple once and she genuinely and repeatedly had a go at me for being on drugs.
Bras - had to use my own money.

Like you say, you then feel extra for doing it for your own kids. But also I think I go over the top with making sure they have plenty of all those things whenever they want and make sure I never question things like that when they ask.

Oh yes to both of these! I wasn't allowed to shave. I stole my dads once and you'd think I'd committed a murder, the grief I got. "I can't believe you'd do that to yourself...."

And we couldn't discuss sex either. She once said "if a boy comes up to you in the playground and says come and look at this, DONT EVER GO WITH HIM. You'll get pregnant and your life will be over."

Removing facial hair. That it will somehow go wrong and leave irreversible damage. I had a moustache til I was 30 and finally unbrainwashed myself into dealing with it. Such a relief. Can’t believe I listened.

Bras were a thing with my mum too - I used to steal hers, wash them and dry them down the back of radiators. I was a C cup by age of 14, but she never offered to buy me any apart from one for starting secondary school that got much too small. She had no idea about measuring me and I think she was just thoroughly embarrassed by breasts, busts or any notion that her daughter was developing. I remember feeling mortified buying my own for the first time, same with tampons - deserted shop, make sure no man serving. Strange how those attitudes are passed on.

The one that bothered me as a kid - Brownies! I desperately wanted to join but my parents didn’t believe in me swearing allegiance to the queen. . .

More common ones - microwaves, fabric softener, ironing, painkillers

Microwaves -if you must use them you can't be in the same room when they're on because you'd get radiation sickness

Mental health issues

Girls being equal to boys

everything was a competition,

loads I’ll be back

A cleaner - I invested in my wonderful cleaner a month ahead of my c-section, and I've kept her on since as my goodness, she has changed my life

I'm a full time working mum of 2 (toddler and 8 year old) with a 5 bedroom/4 bathroom/2 staircase house

Apparently I'm lazy for paying £30 per week for my cleaner

She takes great pleasure in telling me all about the days she had to wash the floors by hand - small 3 bedroom terraced house/1 bathroom etc. when I was a toddler

I must add - I can well afford my cleaner 👀 I appreciate I'm very fortunate but it's not as if my children aren't eating or are running around in rags

If I ever happen to mention I'm tired? Oh fuck me, I'm not allowed to be tired. Ever. I have a cleaner you know

Also - mum and dad now live in a 4 bed bungalow, it's dead cute - I love it

They're very financially comfortable in their 50s.. sick of hearing about my cleaner, I offered to pay for a few hours to see if it would change her mind

She didn't speak to me for a week. She's more than capable of cleaning her own house, thank you very much

Children having any independence or personal say over what happens - haircuts, food, etc etc

Charity 'it's all a scam'

Balanced diet - mum was a sugar affict and dad was clueless.

Shaving - once you've started it will be relentless etc.

Dogs and cats as pets.
Dogs/ cats food.
Where I grew up, dogs and cats were not considered as pets, these were just a working dog - guarding the house
and working cat- to catch mouses in the house.
None were kept inside, both stayed outside, dogs usually had their dog house in the garden, sometimes chained to it to deterr off a burglar and kitties roamed outside or in the loft, cellars ( they had free access) to catch mouse.
I remember I occasionally I brought my kitty in the winter for few minutes in, this was not allowed as cat are supposedly outside animals and people kept No animals inside.
The dog came occasionally in too for a quick swing around the house, usually very excited and run through the rooms and out, but his place was firmly outside even in winter when temperature reached -25 degrees occasionally.

Dogs/ cat food didn’t existed in our country until late 90s.
Dogs/ cats ate what we had, mostly leftovers, nobody distinguished if this is suitable or not, a leftover mixture of food was put out and that was it.
Nobody took dogs for a walk.
I remember once or twice per year a Vet came to our area, this was announced on the local tannoy and everyone brought their dogs for rabies vaccination.
I took our little sausage dog with me on a piece of spring ( we had no dogs lead, nobody had them as it didn’t existed) and I went with him very excited as he walked with me, this was so new for me and went to see the vet where my dog got his rabies vaccine.
Later in the late 90s my cousin got their dog and it became their pet, living inside, just like dogs live these days, she took it for walk daily, everyone was judging her, laughing at that she walks with dog on the street!
Please note this was in Eastern Europe country.
Apart from this dogs cats thing - I can’t recall anything my parents would not believe or refuse to do.
My mum was in the opposite like that, she would want try everything new, if she had a new hair conditioner or face cream ( rarely as limited supply in the country) she would greatly share with me, also sanitary pads, we only had 2-3 types but also she always tried to get the best ones with the sticking tape, when she was gifted a deodorant spray from the West, I could use it too.

My mother didn't believe in tampons - thought they caused cervical cancer, Partic tampax which expanded length ways
🙄

Mine don't believe in poor mental health, even though my mother clearly has depressive episodes

Doing any activity once you have left school really, mine were both v sporty at school, didn't keep any of it up later.

Agree with not "flitting" on cv

Suncream: me nor my brother wore suncream until we turned adults. Luckily were 1/4 Indian and it seems to have given us some genetic sun protection against sunburn. I have awful dark spots though.

Modern medicine: we were often told not to take prescriptions and were taken to see homeopath instead

Pensions: my dad saved so he's ok, my mum is screeeeeewed. ( they're divorced)

Shit. I am sorry to hear this.

Female emancipation
free will
anything for the simple pleasure of it.
wasting money on frivolities like heating

I didn't like them very much. Leaving home was good. 🙂

I was born in the 70s, we didn't have paracetamol/painkillers in the house - I still feel a weird guilt when I buy them. DM would still rather be in pain from a headache or suffer from a chest infection than take medication. So weird.

@Diddykong You too?

My mum had four dds and 9gdds and still couldn't bring herself to say the word 'period' Discussion of bodily functions was forbidden.

I once came home from school and said we'd had a lesson on contraceptives, and she threatened to wash my mouth out with bleach.

She was completely Insane. Thankfully by then, I was bigger than her.

This is a more....they did believe therefore so did I. My mum told me that men who wore leather gloves were murderers. Playing at my friend's house one day when her dad offered me a lift home. I was so excited to go in a car. When he started putting on his leather gloves, well, I freaked and jumped out of the car for my life.

Long distance relationships. They never ever last so no point in even trying make it work. Said 28 years ago by my parents. This long distance relationship did work and he is now my parents best friend.

Fabric softener.
Moisturiser, any sort of grooming products beyond soap and basic shampoo.
Days out.
Hobbies.
Doing things for fun, if there wasn't a "benefit".
Using hotels (camping was ok, but with no luxuries).
Having friends round to play.

I think my dm was really effected by her upbringing with her Quaker mum, and I'm sure she was doing her best. She is genuinely shocked by how I live now, although she is processing it. She comments on how happy and sociable my dc are, as if she can't understand what could possibly be different.

Deodorant (dad) - gives you cancer
electric kettles (dad) - lowers sperm count (well into his 70s)
shaving legs (mum) - makes it grow back thicker
painkillers (both) - will inevitably lead to a lifetime of drug addiction and anyway pain should be born and not suppressed
vaccines (both) - suppress the body’s natural immunity