Things your parents didn't believe in

[Aspergallus]

Inspired by the Timotei thread where someone mentioned that their mum didn't believe in hair conditioner, I realised there is actually quite a long list of things my parents didn't believe in that still leave me, at nearly 50 with DC of my own, feeling like I'm being ridiculously extra for doing every day things:

Hair conditioner as above -deemed totally unnecessary, not a real thing, and drain blocking by my parents. I had long, dry curly hair...

Vitamins -I bought my own as a teen as I thought it might help with acne. They behaved like I was shooting up H.

Make up. My mum believed that all make up (but particularly foundation) was the cause of all skin aging and would tell me (when I was wearing it to hide teenage acne) that once I was 40 I would look older than her as a result.

Tampons. Apparently if you used tampons, you'd have to go for a D&C every year or so due to "build up".

Deodorant. Not necessary if you washed apparently. They considered it something dirty people used in lieu of washing.

Sunglasses, especially when driving. Could make you go blind. Like the reading in the dark old wives tale. As a result my mum spend many a summer gardening with no eye protection and got early cataracts. Yet she still looks at me suspiciously, like I might crash, if I put them on to drive on a sunny day.

Contact lenses -seriously dangerous in their view.

Sun block -they were of that generation that used baby oil and encouraged me to do the same because I was so pale and unhealthy.

Changing job -you got one job and stuck with it or your CV would be ruined forever. And they took this literally, expecting me to stick with chambermaiding as a 17 year old. When I was in a professional role and given rotating training -shifting every 6 months, they were horrified. I'd never work again etc.

Hobbies including sport. They simply did not believe in hobbies or interests unless you were going to make it your whole life's devotion, career or it was going to take you to the Olympics. The idea that you might try something out, and not stick with it was outrageous.

I think my parents might have been particularly odd. There are other examples I can't bring myself to say out loud.

Please tell me other people have similar tales of things their parents didn't believe in...

I loved pilchards in tomato sauce!
My dad made our tea every Saturday and be invariably served them, on toast.
They were the only thing he knew how to "cook".
He didn't believe in expensive shampoo and my mother didn't believe in Channel 4 when it first started. She was convinced that the Communists were behind it.

Mind you, my mother believed the Communists were behind everything she wasn't keen on.

My mum could afford it as when my sister needed them a couple of years later she was fully kitted out with more discreet Bodyform etc. I was given mattress ones and sometimes had nothing. She just preferred my sister.

My parents believed a girl didn’t need a high education. They would only get married, then their husband would look after them.

@110APiccadilly that's kind of sad. How social norms of what was discussed and not discussed impacted on the intimacy of even family relationships.

I try really hard to just make these conversations common every day topics. I have a daughter but she's very young, So at the moment, I chat with my sons about periods to make sure they don't stigmatise them as a women's thing...how reproduction works is for everyone to know.

I am a mother. I did not believe in hair conditioner.
I didn't think it was harmful to health or plumbing. I just thought it was a foolish invention designed to separate idiots from their money.
.
I didn't believe in 'split ends' either. They're an invention of hairdressers, to keep people returning to the salon every six weeks, and again, separate idiots from their money.

My dd was born in the '80s. I'm wondering if she's on this thread. 😂

Apart from things like affection, encouragement or physical safety, she also didn't believe in

1. Food colourings. They were to blame for me 'going crazy'. See also tinned fruit, then fresh fruit.
2. Drinks, other than a scheduled coffee at 11am, a tea at 2.30pm, a tea for her and coffee for me at 5.45pm and then a final tea/coffee just before I went to bed. No water, no juice, no squash.
3. Salt.
4. Haircare. This meant no conditioner, washed once a week in the Sunday bath, tied back day and night by a rubber band and then removed in a matted, tangled mess the following morning (as it was only brushed once a day), accompanied by screams of pain as the spiky brush was dragged from scalp to ends.
5. Toothbrushing, mouthwash, flossing or visiting the dentist.
6. Showers. They were nasty foreign things on a par with bidets, garlic and raw vegetables.
7. Skincare. There was a bar of Shield Soap. Nothing else.
8. Nails. If you were taught to pick your own toenails, that solved the problem.
9. Sunblock, hats or sunglasses. If you then got heatstroke (particularly as you weren't allowed to drink outside scheduled times and certainly not in public) due to being dragged shopping in the hottest part of the day, that was deliberate on your part. And because she 'knows what you're like', you were therefore kept inside all summer. Fortunately, after the first attempt to get the infant school to keep me sitting inside every break and playtime, the school refused to do it again.
10. Dogs eating dog food. They would get cat food (same sized portion as the cat, too, despite being far larger) and like it.
11. Coeliac Disease or CMPA/Lactose Intolerance. Every meal had to consist of something containing wheat and dairy and it didn't matter what the consultant paediatrician said, that would just be pandering to faddy eating and I'd eat the stuff that made me sick if I was hungry enough. Which I did. With obvious results.
12. Being outside after 3pm. It was not a happy day when secondary school didn't finish until 3.30pm, as though I was some sort of reverse vampire who would turn to dust if moonlight were to fall on me.
13. Growing. It was a bad thing to be complained about if you needed more than one pair of shoes a year and if you dared to be three sizes larger from one August to the next, you were told off for embarrassing her (the staff looked a bit shocked that a child had been walking around for half the year in shoes that were too small when they were told 'just check that these still fit') this was brought up every year after that point, never mind actually getting taller and broader.

Mine didn't believe in pretty shoes for school - just fugly Clarks ones (which were truly grim in the 70s/80s). I was so jealous of the girls who were allowed to wear diamanté slip on shoes.
Also no make up to school. I used to smuggle it in my bag and wash it off before I got home.
She also used to shopping on certain days and if we ran out of something important like shampoo it didn't occur to her to walk to the shop and get some - she'd just say use washing up liquid for a couple of days
She also didn't believe in respecting other people's privacy or minding her own business either

Re the university thing, i see it from a different perspective. When I was at school, university was mainly the preserve of private school kids or middle class grammar kids. The working class girls at my grammar left at 16 and trained as hairdressers or worked in a bank. Then bright working class kids started to be encouraged to attend university and the sneering started and we hear that they should still be learning a trade. There's a whiff of them not getting ideas above their station and I feel like other countries still value higher education. I wonder if Rishi Sunaks daughters will be discouraged from attending uni and told to train as plumbers. I think probably not.

Girls having an education beyond the age of 15

Children having any sort of rights and autonomy in things such as choosing clothes or their favourite colour. Parents must be obeyed at all times.

Deodorant, tampons, conditioner, etc.

@StopStartStop I can understand that. At least some of the things my parents didn't believe in seemed to come from the not reasonable idea that marketing and advertising exists to part you from your money by making you buy things you don't need.

But they did seem to hold to these ideas against any evidence or experience to the contrary...

I'm curious, what do you think now about what you believed then?

My Mum: seatbelts. Was convinced the risk of injury to internal organs was greater from a seatbelt than from being pitched through a windscreen (I know, I know!!) Mum reluctantly started wearing one after they became law.

My Dad: buying new clothes. Everything he ever wore was from a charity shop - with the exception of pants thankfully....

Popular culture, fashion and hobbies beyond what they were interested in (classical music, elocution).

@LadyBird1973 you are my era, and everything you've said applies to me too.

It wasn't just shopping that had set, immovable days. Couldn't possibly go and get anything extra out with those days. But, household tasks. No matter what there were days for bedlinen being changed, hoovering etc and it could not change.

Sticking to these routines was deemed so important I remember crying over my books as I tried to study at the only table in the house while my mum hoovered around me, unwilling to stop the day before an exam.

@NeverDropYourMooncup

Sorry. That's a harsh environment to grow up in.

I can empathise with the withholding of affection and encouragement.

I think a lot of us (?over 40) are products of a time when "spoiling" your children with affection or encouragement was undesirable. Like we were all at risk of becoming arrogant, prideful, self-centred egotists. I do have vague memories of the phrase "too big for your boots" being used a lot. Like anytime you were deemed to have been a bit "bossy" or outspoken, you were getting "too big for your boots" and that was up there with one of the key things to be avoided. Must keep your personality, aspirations, confidence as low and small as possible!

That calling a cab was very extravagant. I still feel guilty even now, even though I don't drive and what I spend on taxis in a year wouldn't put two tyres on a car. It was always the bus, or a 'lift' from some put-upon person. My father did drive (even worked as a taxi driver for a while!) but I think he saw phoning a cab as possibly unmanly as well as profligate and to be avoided, even when catching a flight at 6 a.m. They asked friends to take them to the airport, and returned the favour.

Some people are just weird.

His daughters will not have to worry whatever path they take in life. Elitism has nothing to do with whether uni is the correct path for the average person. I’m glad universities are accessible to everyone these days but it is overkill. There is often more to be made from a trade, his daughters wouldn’t suffer from training as one of they so chose.

Funny to see microwaves on here.
My mum hated them, and when she moved recently someone bought her one as they couldn't believe she didn't have one. I think she only said thank you to be polite!! Still suspicious of it!

Showing love.

Eating out - why waste money in a cafe/restaurant when you can make it more cheaply at home? I still feel guilty when I go out for a meal.

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My mum didn’t allow us to be allergic to anything and hay fever was “made up”. Not allowed to be car sick either. That was just attention seeking.

Laughing at PP who wasn’t allowed to change job. My FIL is STILL of this view. He worked for the same company his whole professional life and still takes a grim view of DH moving to a different employer.

Teenagers shaving - I had really thick dark hair on my legs and it was mortifying. I now fully stock our bathroom with a selection of hair removal products for my teenagers as they take after me

Decent sanitary protection - ditto re the overstock. Eldest regularly takes some for her friends which I strongly encourage as this is still an attitude some parents have.

Hobbies for fun. People who don't read. Eating more than a mouthful of food - but to be fair she's a terrible cook, so more than a mouthful was often more than I could stomach. I am very overweight as an adult.

Women who don't have a career - nearly killed myself trying to work full time with 3 under 6.

I am a 90s child but was raised by my nan, herself a product of the 40s and 50s.

Sunblock is the big one. Never used it, she actually used to say it would do more harm than good. My skin is now severely skin damaged, thanks Nan.

Different body sizes. Sounds odd, but ad a teenager she'd compare me (early puberty, well developed) to my class mates who were still in training bras. Years of body dysmorphia and self hatred resulted.

Migraines. She never had one so when I did, it was all made up.

All in all, a very odd childhood and long lasting damage.

Oh and toasters. She uses the grill. But severe sanctions for burning it and wasting food