Things your parents didn't believe in

[Aspergallus]

Inspired by the Timotei thread where someone mentioned that their mum didn't believe in hair conditioner, I realised there is actually quite a long list of things my parents didn't believe in that still leave me, at nearly 50 with DC of my own, feeling like I'm being ridiculously extra for doing every day things:

Hair conditioner as above -deemed totally unnecessary, not a real thing, and drain blocking by my parents. I had long, dry curly hair...

Vitamins -I bought my own as a teen as I thought it might help with acne. They behaved like I was shooting up H.

Make up. My mum believed that all make up (but particularly foundation) was the cause of all skin aging and would tell me (when I was wearing it to hide teenage acne) that once I was 40 I would look older than her as a result.

Tampons. Apparently if you used tampons, you'd have to go for a D&C every year or so due to "build up".

Deodorant. Not necessary if you washed apparently. They considered it something dirty people used in lieu of washing.

Sunglasses, especially when driving. Could make you go blind. Like the reading in the dark old wives tale. As a result my mum spend many a summer gardening with no eye protection and got early cataracts. Yet she still looks at me suspiciously, like I might crash, if I put them on to drive on a sunny day.

Contact lenses -seriously dangerous in their view.

Sun block -they were of that generation that used baby oil and encouraged me to do the same because I was so pale and unhealthy.

Changing job -you got one job and stuck with it or your CV would be ruined forever. And they took this literally, expecting me to stick with chambermaiding as a 17 year old. When I was in a professional role and given rotating training -shifting every 6 months, they were horrified. I'd never work again etc.

Hobbies including sport. They simply did not believe in hobbies or interests unless you were going to make it your whole life's devotion, career or it was going to take you to the Olympics. The idea that you might try something out, and not stick with it was outrageous.

I think my parents might have been particularly odd. There are other examples I can't bring myself to say out loud.

Please tell me other people have similar tales of things their parents didn't believe in...

Halloween

Horror movies

Having high self esteem or worth only ok in very small amounts. We weren't allowed to get above ourselves. Quite typical of 80s parenting I think.

Marrying a black person (I dated a black man and was told "don't want you to come back with any nword grandchildren!"

Catholics were deceived, we had the truth.

Playing the lottery (fair enough I think gambling is a slippery slope)

It was unBiblical not to spank your kids. Not spanking meant we would turn out feral

Having an imaginary friend meant you were either talking to a demon or you were schizophrenic .

Having boundaries was selfish . Needy people mattered more .

another reason my parents didn't want me tested for mild learning issues was they believed trauma likes child abuse was what caused dyscalculia, and therefore I couldn't possibly be suffering from something like it because I had a good childhood . In reality I was being verbally emotionally and physically abused by a relative all throughout my childhood and beyond and had been sexually abused a few times inside and outside my family . I was badly bullied at school and now am in treatment for CPTSD, eating disorders and a "personality disorder." Have had OCD around religion too. Therapist says linked to trauma.

Rice and pasta 😂

These were not included in our diets until we were much older.

Prior to their inclusion the only acceptable sources of carbohydrate were bread or potatoes.

What was it with our 1970s /1980s mums and hair removal?!
I 'wasn't allowed' to shave above my knees (and as this was 1984 I obeyed my mum!) Until the school bully pointed my 'knee line' out in a PE lesson questioning what I was doing !! She was right

I was pale with v dark hair.

I have paid for my DD to have all body lasering !!

My mother was insistent that tampons were only "allowed" for married women. I never have found out why, I suspect its because of the old "you wont be a virgin if you use them" bullshit. I have asked but she has flat out denied ever saying this. She has what my sister and I call "Embarrassment Amnesia" so anything like that is conveniently forgotten or outright didnt happen and we are both liars.

Pudding. No one "needs" pudding. Well no they dont but sometimes its nice as as treat.

Basically she was as tight as a ducks arse so anything other than the absolute bare minimum of the absolute basics was not "needed". This was everything from clothes to food to travel to anything that she didnt value.

I wasn't a teenager with body hair until the 90s but I do recall a myth around even then that if you shave the hair grows back thicker. My mum didn't ban it , she was the easy going parent and I stayed out of my strict dads way if at all possible, but there was the warning there. My dad did say about eyebrow plucking to be careful cos my brows would never grow back. I only ever shaped them and plucked out stragglers. I read in the magazines that it's best to stick to your natural arch and not reshape it , just tidy it a bit.

My DM never showed me any love. She thought cuddling or being proud of your DC or GDC was spoiling them.

She had set days for housework but I don't know how much she did. I know she refused an automatic washer. I think it's because she couldn't then claim that Monday was laundry day that took all day and you couldn't do anything else. It also meant she couldn't get a job.

Friday she went to the grocery store to get a small amount of food (that only she ate). My DF and I did the big shop Thursday night. So that's Friday out for working.

She could only up until her death do one thing a day. She couldn't get groceries and then go for a coffee.

She was so rigid about everything and made the tiniest thing she did a big deal.

I’m laughing at PP who thinks split ends are “made up hairdresser bollocks”. I used to spend hours splitting my split ends apart when I had long hair and rarely went to get it cut. It’s very therapeutic but I’m guessing probably not very good for your hair.

I feel so sad reading these stories. My mum was a semi functioning alcoholic but I wanted for nothing. My dad is Italian and a chef so I count my blessings reading some of the food stories on here! I do remember my mum crying when I insisted on using tampons, she thought it meant I wasn't a virgin anymore! She also went batshit and screamed at me that 'you might as well have been born disfigured!' when I got my nose pierced at 18....

Bringing up their own children

My parents believe that microwaves are only useful for cooking baked potatoes and for storing things in. They also don’t believe in dishwashers (‘make the glasses feel funny’).

My mum used to claim that she ‘couldn’t afford’ various random non-expensive items (the Radio Times and special school uniform socks were two that really annoyed me). Obviously NOW I realise that what she actually meant was ‘No I’m not going to waste my money on these overpriced and unnecessary things. You silly obnoxious teenager.’

I can’t help wondering what her own parents were like. They must have been even worse.
These stories are so sad, can’t believe what so many here seem to have gone through to get to adulthood. I hope all of you can see what a great achievment it is to not have fallen in the same traps.

Oh God.
Having a bath more than once a week. Showers were viewed with suspicion and never used if they existed.
Eating everything up even if it was mouldy
Not wasting anything, wearing clothes till they fell apart
Alcohol consumption means you must be an alcoholic
Anything with sugar or white bread is food for Satan . (I have to thank them for this as they did bring us up on a pretty healthy but spartan diet)
'Big meals' considered very wasteful, i.e. a proper cooked meal of more than one course.
Washing clothes too often
Fabric conditioner and hair conditioner didn't exist in our house
Pilchards I remember well
Liver and onions, I absolutely hated
Cod liver oil every day.
If you were unwell you just got on with it. I remember being really ill for weeks and never being taken to the doctor. Probably because the didn't have a fridge and food was often off.

My mum didn't believe in keeping me and my sister safe from our dad. She basically thought that if she could cope with the constant verbal and emotional abuse which sometimes turned physical we should be able to. She said "well it's not like he is hitting you, you will be ok." She was afraid of him so I don't blame her 1 00%. She was a victim too

my parents were not monsters . But they had difficulties . My dad was also a victim of a horrific childhood . Compared to him we had it very good really. So I don't blame him 100% either.

neither of them were ready to have children . They loved us in their own way (if we didn't make them look bad and we stayed out of their hair) they just didn't know how to show it

Mine don’t believe in paying for parking. Even if this means walking miles in the rain with heavy bags and being massively inconvenienced. I often pay for parking as I’ve young children and limited time so a few pounds in parking to save time and moaning is worth it to me. My dad acts like I’m splashing out on champagne and caviar 🙄 My parents are fairly wealthy so it’s never been about having to be that careful about money 🤷‍♀️

@Gerrataere my dad was born in 1939 and wanted to go to university and be a teacher. His dad told him not to be ridiculous and get a proper job.

70s child here.
Hair Conditioner - not necessary! I have the thickest curliest hair imaginable. You can imagine…
Fabric softener - waste of money. I agree with them now to be fair!
Tampons - you will get an infection and die horribly
Branded pop - they are all made by the same company.
Kitchen paper - you might as well throw your money down the drain
Takeaways - except fish and chips. All filthy

All of these my mother:

Tampons (only 'married women' used them)

Cystitis (only married women got that)

Any sort of preventative healthcare like smears or mammograms.

Going to see any health professional (would rather keep suffering)

Showering every day (or even having a shower in the house, we didn't have one until 1988)

Anything to give food flavour

Yep, I got 99% on a test once and got asked what happened to the other 1%

Affection. My parents have never said they loved me, and I can't remember them ever touching me let alone hugging me

My DM was a single mum and had led a fairly unadventurous life.
Things she didn't believe in

• air travel
• women driving
• women walking alone at night
• going bare legged in summer
• make up remover / cleanser
• any food she thought of as exotic

Having fun of any sort
Holidays
Going to the pictures
Having friends
Having pets
Having a tidy home

Breastfeeding - just a silly fad (I did point out that none of the other mammals seemed to agree with that).

Dangers of second-hand smoke - smoking in the home and in the car with children there was perfectly acceptable. If you left the room or opened the window in the car you were branded 'a brat'.

Offering support - seemed to be mainly judgement looking back

There were no weird food or hygiene rules though e.g. cold bathe/shower whenever we wanted to.

'Foreign food' - anything except meat & 2 veg, plain food - although she embraced the junk food of the late 70s, such as Findus crispy pancakes. She once cooked cobs of corn for an hour, waiting for the middles to get soft.

Fashionable clothes, jeans, trainers - you can wear your (brown, chunky) shoes everywhere, as they cost a fortune and you need to get good use out of them before you grow out of them.

Tampons (only for married women). I think there were only bulky pads when I started my periods in the early 80s.

Foreign holidays - we went to relatives in Ireland, or to a B&B in Dorset. Until my dad died in 1979, then mum decided to 'seize the day'. But she wouldn't fly, so we took interminable coach trips to Europe (where I consistently got travel sick, and all the other members of the coach party were OAPs).

Children to have any choice/ say. Even though I took over a lot of the 'dad' roles (finances, writing letters, electricals...) I wasn't allowed to choose my school, clothes, leisure, hobbies (or even have a discussion/ present my views) - and she made some poor decisions.

Those are quite sad really. I don't feel we had enough fun in our house but we did have holidays and the cinema and pets. I loved my pets... I think my childhood would have been quite unhappy if I hadn't had my pets .

I mean I know I was lucky because I never went without anything , but I tended to be anxious and depressed so often felt I wasn't lucky IYSWIM. In hindsight i can see that I was!

Hair conditioner
Jeans for children/teens. I was the only young teen I knew who was not allowed to have a pair of jeans, instead I had a pair of sort of Crimplene slacks and got teased relentlessly
Buying rounds. They were obsessed with it being very expensive and frequently warned me against doing it