Worried about my mother's neighbour and her obsession.

[missmartha]

My mother died recently , but 20 yers prior to this she met a younger woman from the town she lived in at her art class and despite a 20 year age gap they hit it off.

This woman was so friendly she had a key to my mother's house and to be honest, was a help in my mother's final days but obsessively so.

Mother was 98 when she was admitted to hospital and the friend was with her, she visited twice daily and when she wasn't visiting she spent all day at my mother's house.
I do not live locally so could not visit daily but mother had other friends and neighbours but this one did not stop to the extent that she put people off visiting and the hospital staff thought she was my mother's daughter. She was there constantly, even attending ward meetings about my mother's future.

I am unclear what she did at my mother's house. I did ask and was told that she did the washing, took in the mail and 'aired' the house.
I'm pretty sure she moved in if I'm honest.
She lost weight , she wouldn't' eat. She refused days out with friends , gave up her hobbies and delayed her holiday.
When my mother returned home she slept in the house. Mother's other friends were afraid to visit.

My mother died recently and although I have visited, I have rarely seen the friend as she keeps out of my way. I have no idea why, we have a telephone relationship, but a good one I think.
Anyway on seeing the friend I was frankly shocked. She had obviously lost several stones in weight , looked much older and was restless, pacing and shaky.
I believe her to still be living at my mother's house though she can't do that much longer and has a very nice house of her own anyway.

All this has worried me and I am concerned about this woman. What , if anything can I do to help her, I fear she may be ill.

Following

I'm thinking there must be a latter will . It also seems very strange you are allowing others to make all the arrangements for you . I appreciate this was your mothers wishes but I would still want to be heavy involved.

I am involved to the extent that my mother wanted.
She knew that I have no religious beliefs and that her neighbours beliefs were the same as hers . They were both members of the local Catholic Church and never missed mass. Mother even took communion at home when she was too ill to attend church. She trusted this person to do it according to her wishes.

The house belongs to the trustees , and the house contents and what happens to them is my job. As the will has not gone through probate, I feel uneasy distributing bequests yet. As I understand it, nothing should be touched until then.

I have contacted everyone in our small family to inform them of mother's death and have made decisions about flowers at the funeral.

Mother had already bought a burial plot , selected music etc.

I'm not sure that there is much else to be heavily involved in.

I am available to help out and to visit the trustees /executor if necessary but that is actually none of my business otherwise.

Just to make that clearer, nothing concerning the house, the fabric of the house, the estate is any of my business as it now belongs to the trustees. It passed out of my mother's hands on her death.

So do you have a copy of your mothers will ? Could there be another ?
I'm a little confused as to the trust for the house , was this done some time ago . It seems like you need to tell the neighbour she is trespassing and going against your mother's wishes by clearing the house . I think ultimately you need to change the locks and speak to the priest about the neighbours actions and health concerns.

But the trustees won't mind you changing the locks if it gets a squatter out. It will save them time, legal fees and effort. Just make sure to hand the keys to the new locks over to the trustees.

You're being very blasé about it all!

I wouldn't be surprised if the woman is responsible for contents of the house. if mum asked her to arrange funeral/register death etc, it seems that she trusted her very much

What documents does she have that you need?

The house belongs to the trustees if that is what is stated in the will. You need to see a copy of the will first. While your mum might have verbally expressed that wish her will might be different. Who has a copy of the will?

Not, I have it in writing that I am responsible for contents,

As from few minutes ago, by own solicitor, we are old friends,
rang me and taken this off my hands as it gets weirder and weirder.

I'll wait and see what he makes of it.. He says that it all sounds cockeyed.
No shit Sherlock!!!

I'm really glad your solicitor is dealing with it for you. it sounds a very unusual situation. your mum has not been conventional at all has she, not leaving property to family/having non-family make funeral arrangements, giving you 'a paper' which states that you are responsible for house contents. appointing a dodgy solicitor. sounds complicated

I am pleased you have your solicitor involved now, @missmartha , hopefully they will put a rocket up the Executor and remind said Executor formally exactly what their duties are.

Do you know or have contact details for the Trustees? I am pretty sure they would be equally appalled as to what has been going on.

You say you have no responsibility for the house but you’re ignoring the fact that she’s essentially squatting there and also probably nicking your stuff. Plus as you know the police will consider it a civil matter and do nothing so if she wants to get back in she’d have to take you or the executors to court to enforce her right to enter/ live there …which she doesn’t have!

It’s your choice but if you went round there and changed the locks then gave the keys to the executors then absolutely nothing would happen to you, and likely you’d be protecting your own property (the contents) and helping your mother’s wishes about her will, especially where her house should go.

I think unless you’re prepared to do something then nothing is going to happen, no one is going to sort this out for you.

The woman alienated the ops mother from her friends and family whilst ill in hospital and pretended to hospital staff that she was the daughter.

Once the mother died this woman has been going to the house and inviting her mates over and rummaging through the house contents.

This is not a trustworthy woman at all.

Where have all the #bekind/#have some compassion/#she'sgrieving people gone?

Someone upthread suggested getting a front door key (I remember another neighbour hast one), getting in , bolting all doors and windows from the inside and leaving by the garden door which I would lock, taking that key with me.

If I need to secure the house that sounds a simple and effective way of doing it.

However, I have great hopes of my solicitor. I was surprised as he just rang out of the blue , though I had spoken to him Sunday, and said "Oh for the love of god. What's going on? Look , let me deal with this, it's very weird. Send me the details asap".

The trustee, executor and mothers solicitor are one and the same btw.

To be fair to my mother she had no idea about the law, hardly ever used it except to buy and sell property and my father tended to deal with it then anyway.

They went when the found out that this NASTY woman had passed herself off to the hospital as being the ops daughter which enabled her to alienate friends and family from visiting!

Did you not read the bit where she refuses to hand the keys over to the op who is the real daughter?

Did you miss the bit where she is inside the house, rummaging through a dead woman's belongings and has her mates round the house as well go hang out with her?!

The mother got cuckooed which is a crime and the police should be involved/taking an interest.

Correction to my last post.

The nasty woman did not pass herself off as the ops daughter but as the ops mothers daughter.

Apologies.

If another neighbour has a key then I would do this .
Tell the solicitor / trustee this is your proposal and do they agree with this? No right minded person wouldn’t and it sounds like the solicitor/ trustee could be slow to react.
Surely that secures the house prevents any further removal of items etc whilst he/she follows up on all legal stuff.
It is all sounding like it’s been deliberate ti take and manipulate things in her favour, OP, you started by being worried about this person and it’s turned into something else entirely.

You and your husband need to go and spend a weekend there

You know if you think the situation isn't real, you should report it to MN. Troll hunting is banned in the guidelines.

And if it is real, your last paragraph is being read by someone whose mum died a week ago and is having an awful time of it while grieving.

Which is pretty nasty really.

As I've said before, I was in an almost identical situation myself, after my mother lost her life as the result of leaving a DV relationship. It took 8 months to evict my former stepfather from the house, and caused extreme trauma and danger to my physical safety.

OP has been asked for and received all sorts of practical advice and comfort, including advice and comfort from other bereaved people and from people who have been through this exact situation themselves.

OP has been very frequently updating Mumsnet with all these various twists and turns, yet has not done any of the very basic things that unfortunately everyone has to do when someone dies. She hasn't registered the death, hasn't looked at the will, and isn't taking any action on someone squatting and illegally going through the mother's things and the mother's financial stuff. OP doesn't come across as passive - she already had one major fight with the neighbour and threatened her - it's a reasonable thing to point out and ask why she's not done anything.

It's also reasonable to point out that the solicitor/alleged executor (I say alleged because he's claiming to be the executor but seemingly without a will naming him as such) is clearly acting in a dodgy manner. If OP is real, then she needs to be protected and be aware of the facts and the laws so she can protect herself.

The executor solicitor isn’t the one that advised the OP to bitch slap the neighbour, that was the OPs personal solicitor I believe. The same solicitor has now told OP to let her handle it. Hopefully she is going to call executor solicitor and put a rocket under his arse.
Or so I understood it.