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Original poster

Husband giving me an ultimatum - forcing me to get a job or sell our house

847 replies

namechanged808 · 08/08/2023 23:04

My husband and I have a mortgage on our house.

I am a SAHM of three children, 3, 5 and 7.

He says we can't afford the house we live in and wants to move to a rented council house.

I don't want to do that as I enjoy having a house of my own, that I can make mine. I don't want to rent for the rest of my life. I like stability for my children.

My husband is now forcing me to get a job if I want to keep the house.

I don't know what to do

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
bossybloss · 08/08/2023 23:05

I don’t think you would be entitled to a council house if you own your own home!

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 08/08/2023 23:06

How on earth does he envisage the council just handing over an empty home to a family who make themselves homeless?

Original poster
namechanged808 · 08/08/2023 23:06

bossybloss · 08/08/2023 23:05

I don’t think you would be entitled to a council house if you own your own home!

Even if we sell it and move to a relative in between?

OP posts:
EvenlyDetermined · 08/08/2023 23:06

Well, I doubt you'd get a council house, has he even seriously looked into that? But if you can't afford the mortgage then yes, you probably do need to get a job.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 08/08/2023 23:07

Of course not! You'll be on waitlists for years and not a priority.

Original poster
namechanged808 · 08/08/2023 23:07

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 08/08/2023 23:06

How on earth does he envisage the council just handing over an empty home to a family who make themselves homeless?

He says that is the best case scenario.
He wants to look at a private rental if that falls through.

My concern isn't really with council houses themselves, just the ultimatum

OP posts:
TeaKitten · 08/08/2023 23:07

If you can’t afford your mortgage then yes you need to get a job. Is he certain that rent would be more affordable than the mortgage?

kitsuneghost · 08/08/2023 23:07

Do you think he is lying to you?

Original poster
namechanged808 · 08/08/2023 23:07

Thanks everyone, that's reassuring me a bit. Hoping it dissuades him or slows the process down

OP posts:
KittensAllOverTheCarpetAndSofa · 08/08/2023 23:08

Two great extremes there. Not working and wanting a council house when you are a home owner.
I think someone is spinning a yarn.

drpet49 · 08/08/2023 23:08

You can’t afford to be a SAHM. You need to get a job FFS!

Original poster
namechanged808 · 08/08/2023 23:08

kitsuneghost · 08/08/2023 23:07

Do you think he is lying to you?

About what sorry?

OP posts:
Backstreets · 08/08/2023 23:08

If you can’t afford it you can’t afford it. Do you think he should get a second job, or?

NoSquirrels · 08/08/2023 23:08

Do you understand your family finances? Is your husband right that you cannot afford to be a SAHM and pay your mortgage?

MiMiPies · 08/08/2023 23:08

You'd really struggle getting a council house or housing association house.

If you want to keep living in a house that's yours then you'll need to get a job or sell up and move somewhere cheaper (most likely private rented).

continentallentil · 08/08/2023 23:09

You aren’t going to get a council house making yourselves voluntarily homeless I don’t think - you will end up privately renting

Assuming it’s in your joint names It will be a long road for him to force you to sell.

But - unless there is a specific reason not to - yes you should get a job. You can’t be a SAHP unless you both agree, and as your youngest is 3 it’s a very reasonable time to get back to work. At least PT

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 08/08/2023 23:09

So.....can you afford the house? What's the income into the home, and what are your financial obligations?

When are you planning on returning to work? Your 3yo (if in England) can access 15 hours free childcare term time.

Original poster
namechanged808 · 08/08/2023 23:10

NoSquirrels · 08/08/2023 23:08

Do you understand your family finances? Is your husband right that you cannot afford to be a SAHM and pay your mortgage?

We are quite tight but we manage the basics, we can put food on the table, pay our bills, buy the kids clothes

OP posts:
scoobysnaxx · 08/08/2023 23:10

If you can't afford the mortgage then yes you need to get a job.

Expecting the council to house you is absurd. And frankly quite wrong to then live with someone and act homeless to get a house.

Social housing is on its knees already with demand far outweighing provision.

Fair enough if you're struggling to pay your mortgage. But get a job, downsize or remortgage.

Don't rely on the council. Some people really need social housing.

SleepingStandingUp · 08/08/2023 23:10

How much does your partner earn?
Any benefit top ups?
What do your bills come up?
How much is your mortgage?

CatandSpoon · 08/08/2023 23:10

But private renting is prohibitively expensive these days, that's a ridiculous suggestion.
However, if you need two wages to pay the mortgage then.... You might indeed need to get a job

kitsuneghost · 08/08/2023 23:11

namechanged808 · 08/08/2023 23:08

About what sorry?

Show quote history

About the mortgage becoming unaffordable without you earning.

thenightsky · 08/08/2023 23:11

Is he going to pay 50% of the childcare. Nursery for the little one and before and after school minders for the other two? School holiday clubs?

TimeIhadaNameChange · 08/08/2023 23:12

Your husband is obviously worried about finances. You need to help.

Uncooperativefingers · 08/08/2023 23:12

namechanged808 · 08/08/2023 23:10

We are quite tight but we manage the basics, we can put food on the table, pay our bills, buy the kids clothes

Show quote history

But can that continue with the cost of living rising?

I think you need to get a proper understanding of your finances and work out how to make things easier as a couple. It's not easy being the only financially aware one in a relationship, your DH possibly feels under a lot of pressure