Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Husband giving me an ultimatum - forcing me to get a job or sell our house

847 replies

namechanged808 · 08/08/2023 23:04

My husband and I have a mortgage on our house.

I am a SAHM of three children, 3, 5 and 7.

He says we can't afford the house we live in and wants to move to a rented council house.

I don't want to do that as I enjoy having a house of my own, that I can make mine. I don't want to rent for the rest of my life. I like stability for my children.

My husband is now forcing me to get a job if I want to keep the house.

I don't know what to do

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Original poster
namechanged808 · 08/08/2023 23:13

SleepingStandingUp · 08/08/2023 23:10

How much does your partner earn?
Any benefit top ups?
What do your bills come up?
How much is your mortgage?

To be honest at the end of the month we don't have any money left, but we can afford to pay our bills, cloth the children and buy grocery

OP posts:
senua · 08/08/2023 23:13

I don't want to do that as I enjoy having a house of my own, that I can make mine.
Shouldn't that be "house of our own" and "can make ours"?

Tailfeather · 08/08/2023 23:13

The pressure of paying for your (plural) family shouldn't just be on your husband's shoulders.

Bringonthesunforthewashing · 08/08/2023 23:13

Get a job ffs. Seriously. Get a job.

Having kids does not excuse you from working.

Get a job.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 08/08/2023 23:13

So if you earned money, then that would help. What job did you do before children?

SeaSloth · 08/08/2023 23:13

What barriers do you see to getting a job? I'm sorry I just can't understand why you think you can be a stay at home mum if you can't afford to live unless there is a reason you cannot work or something is being hidden from you regarding finances?
I work two jobs and have three children, two of which are under 5 - because sadly I know I can't afford to stay at home.

NotaCoolMum · 08/08/2023 23:13

Why are you so against working? Part time? Evening?

fullbloom87 · 08/08/2023 23:14

Well good luck if you think you're going to get a council house. The wait list in my area is 14 years!

I do agree with your husband though, your children are old enough for free nursery and school so you now have time to go out and earn and help with bills.

TomatoSandwiches · 08/08/2023 23:15

You will not be able to get a council house after owning your current one and then moving in with a relative, they investigate and go back years to assess you and private rental is not the same as it was a few years ago. It's very difficult for a single income family to get approved so either way you should look at going back to work.
I would say opposite shifts would decrease your outgoings for childcare and make the most of you two incomes.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 08/08/2023 23:15

namechanged808 · 08/08/2023 23:13

To be honest at the end of the month we don't have any money left, but we can afford to pay our bills, cloth the children and buy grocery

Show quote history

So what happens when the car needs new tyres or the boiler breaks? What happens if your husband suddenly has to take sick leave? It's dangerous to live on one salary if there's no money left over for saving.

Wallywobbles · 08/08/2023 23:15

Why don't you want to work?

fullbloom87 · 08/08/2023 23:15

MiMiPies · 08/08/2023 23:08

You'd really struggle getting a council house or housing association house.

If you want to keep living in a house that's yours then you'll need to get a job or sell up and move somewhere cheaper (most likely private rented).

Private rented will be the same but likely more then a mortgage.

Original poster
namechanged808 · 08/08/2023 23:16

thenightsky · 08/08/2023 23:11

Is he going to pay 50% of the childcare. Nursery for the little one and before and after school minders for the other two? School holiday clubs?

The kids go to school and nursery already,
We wouldn't be able to afford school holiday clubs and after school minders, even if I do get a job

OP posts:
Remagirl · 08/08/2023 23:16

Get a job.

ilovesooty · 08/08/2023 23:16

It seems as though you can't afford not to get some kind of work and make a contribution. Your husband is obviously worried.

continentallentil · 08/08/2023 23:16

namechanged808 · 08/08/2023 23:13

To be honest at the end of the month we don't have any money left, but we can afford to pay our bills, cloth the children and buy grocery

Show quote history

Well then OP if you don’t get a job you are putting your marriage in danger, as you are being very unreasonable.

With money this tight, you will all be screwed if you separate.

Get back to work

Original poster
namechanged808 · 08/08/2023 23:16

Wallywobbles · 08/08/2023 23:15

Why don't you want to work?

I have always wanted to be SAHM. My husband was okay with it when we got married, he changed his mind only now.

OP posts:
FlossOnTheMill · 08/08/2023 23:17

What was your plan regarding a return to work before you had children?

When do you see yourself return to work if there was no pressure from your husband?

What's your own assessment of your family's finances - beyond 'we just about manage tomoay our bills'?

VinEtFromage · 08/08/2023 23:17

Would you be able to earn more than the childcare costs?

is he going to step up with nursery/childcare/school run, shopping, cooking, cleaning??

Does he have any idea how difficult it is to get social or private rents and how much they cost?

it sounds like he has NO clue but is resentful if you being home when he has to go out to work?

TheShellBeach · 08/08/2023 23:18

Good gracious, OP.
Get a job FFS.

continentallentil · 08/08/2023 23:18

namechanged808 · 08/08/2023 23:16

The kids go to school and nursery already,
We wouldn't be able to afford school holiday clubs and after school minders, even if I do get a job

Show quote history

Look for school hours work to start - or work you can do at evening or weekends when he isn’t working -

supermarket, cleaning, care work all usually have vacancies. What did you used to do?

Tailfeather · 08/08/2023 23:18

'I have always wanted to be SAHM. My husband was okay with it when we got married, he changed his mind only now.'

But what about when the kids are all at school? You were planning on not working then too?

ilovesooty · 08/08/2023 23:18

namechanged808 · 08/08/2023 23:16

I have always wanted to be SAHM. My husband was okay with it when we got married, he changed his mind only now.

Show quote history

Times have changed. Economic and financial pressures are much greater than they were.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 08/08/2023 23:18

namechanged808 · 08/08/2023 23:16

I have always wanted to be SAHM. My husband was okay with it when we got married, he changed his mind only now.

Show quote history

Yeah well, the country's gone to shit, and everything costs more now. So what you going to do to help the family finances?

Sahm with school age children is a luxury.

gelatogina · 08/08/2023 23:18

I want lots of things that i can’t afford. You need to get a job

Swipe left for the next trending thread