Husband giving me an ultimatum - forcing me to get a job or sell our house

[namechanged808]

My husband and I have a mortgage on our house.

I am a SAHM of three children, 3, 5 and 7.

He says we can't afford the house we live in and wants to move to a rented council house.

I don't want to do that as I enjoy having a house of my own, that I can make mine. I don't want to rent for the rest of my life. I like stability for my children.

My husband is now forcing me to get a job if I want to keep the house.

I don't know what to do

Dear god a feckless wonder like that isn't someone you can rely on to support a family. You would be better off as a single mum.

Could you consider getting set up as a childminder? You would need to get yourself all thr certificates etc but would be able to live very similarly to a SAHP in many ways, albeit with a lot of bonus kids around all the time (and plenty of work it is too, not a soft option but at least you wouldn't have your own childcare expenses)

So you want to keep the house but it sounds like you're not so keen on your DH.
You'd like to have no job, even though your husband doesn't earn enough to play all the bills and the mortgage.
Hmm.

If you used to work in a store then why not do that whilst the DCs are at school and nursery? The shops near where I live are often advertising part time hours

You can not go on a council list for 5 years if you sell a property.

Clearly you are not a gold digger.

What is this culture that you speak of where what's his is yours?

Get a part time job that fits around childcare

You really have no idea about council houses, private renting and paying mortgages.

In my culture women are not required to work.
All I've ever wanted is a simple life where I can take care of the house and my children.
I cook for my husband every day and am the only person who takes care of the cleaning and 99% of childcare.
All my husband does is shopping.

I'm not sure you're in any position to resent him given that he has still managed to support you and three children. How do you think he feels about having to do that?

You've made a series of choices that have led you to where you are now.

Where you are now is married to a man who doesn't seem to have much of a work ethic, with 3 children and a house you can barely afford.

You need to get a job, part time evenings, weekends or term time only would probably be best in terms of avoiding additional childcare costs.

You don't have the luxury of being a SAHM no matter what you want, because as a household your income isn't high enough to support it, your DH doesn't have the luxury of being able to offload all the childcare on you because you need to work.

So a rock solid contraception plan is needed, your DH needs to do what he can to obtain more stable, higher paying employment and you need to start applying for any job that offers hours outside your husbands work schedule or within the hours that you currently have childcare for.

We don't all get to have exactly what we want, exactly when we want it. Accept that, make the best of it and figure out a plan.

Isn't "what is his is mine, and what is mine is his" what marriage in the UK is?

All the more reason for both of you to be working.

'I am not a gold digger.
In my culture, men provide for their wives and the wives' money is theirs.'

She was saying you aren't a gold digger.

Can't you see that's a terribly old-fashioned and awfully sexist way of living.

You studied law. You are intelligent and capable.

Doesn't work like that I know of a few people who moved in with relatives thinking it would speed up being offered a council house. One friend lived with her parents 5 years with one severely disabled child. The house they left had damp she has a child with CF.

It wasn't an option for me as my kids have SN. I couldn't stay with my mum anyway because she took in care leaver's. I was on the list 8 years before being offered two the first I turned down through the bidding system.

Then you need to get a job!!!

He doesn't want to look into any other job.
He worked in a cash and carry and made a lot more money than his current job as a delivery driver, but he ended up fired.
He doesn't want to try anything else now.

Then you should've married better. You're broke.

He doesn't just shop. He also works.
You should be cooking every day and doing the childcare at present.

I'm sorry but what happens in your culture is irrelevant. There's a cost of living crisis. Your husband is worried about money. You need to get a job.

Op your dh cannot have it both ways. He cannot demand you get a job and then refuse to share the household task and parenting.

He sounds like an arse. I would be making a plan to leave him quite frankly.

He needs to stop being a twat and statt turning up to work and not getting himself fired.

He is the issue.

Thank you

Can you not get an evening job or weekend job, supermarket perhaps, so that you can help without giving up being at home with the kids?

You don't need qualifications for that sort of job.

You could probably get a job as a paralegal or court usher or something similar. The laws of Scotland and England aren't entirely different, and once you have learnt the basic principles for one it helps you to pick up the other.

She won't leave him 😅 she'd have to work and actually be financially independent

What about the rest of her comment? Particularly these bits; You need to get a job, part time evenings, weekends or term time only would probably be best in terms of avoiding additional childcare costs.

You don't have the luxury of being a SAHM no matter what you want, because as a household your income isn't high enough to support it, your DH doesn't have the luxury of being able to offload all the childcare on you because you need to work.

Is he thinking you’d be better off renting because you’d get help from benefits?
you might actually enjoy work if you try it?