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Original poster

So many people on Mumsnet seem antisocial

174 replies

BarrelOfOtters · 08/08/2023 10:36

Not liking weddings, not going on a partner's work do when other halves are invited, not answering the door...

Most (not all) people I know would go along with social stuff either because they actively like it or because that's kind of how the world works.

Whereas on Mumsnet the balance seems shifted the other way....?

OP posts:
Marblessolveeverything · 08/08/2023 10:37

Or people have finally realised they can and enforce boundaries as opposed to conforming to others ?

BCBird · 08/08/2023 10:38

This is not what strikes me. The thing that strikes me is that on nearly every chat it turns nasty,with people arguing with each other😫

MrsSkylerWhite · 08/08/2023 10:39

I spent years doing things I really didn’t want to because it was what society expected. It’s such a relief when you finally realise that you don’t have to. I only do what I really want to now. Doesn’t make me anti-social, just selective.

HundredMilesAnHour · 08/08/2023 10:41

BCBird · 08/08/2023 10:38

This is not what strikes me. The thing that strikes me is that on nearly every chat it turns nasty,with people arguing with each other😫

Yes, and being nasty over the smallest non-material things. It often derails the entire thread and the OP must be left thinking wtf. I get the impression some people are taking out their own unhappiness/bitterness on people online, perhaps because they're not able to do it in their 'real' lives.

Elsiebear90 · 08/08/2023 10:45

HundredMilesAnHour · 08/08/2023 10:41

Yes, and being nasty over the smallest non-material things. It often derails the entire thread and the OP must be left thinking wtf. I get the impression some people are taking out their own unhappiness/bitterness on people online, perhaps because they're not able to do it in their 'real' lives.

Show quote history

I agree, some of the things that people are apparently outraged over on here I’ve never even heard of anyone complain about in real life. I think a lot of people are unhappy/angry and want to pick at other people to make themselves feel better.

LaMaG · 08/08/2023 10:48

I think its definitely disproportionate on MN but probably the nature of an online forum. Most people are sociable IRL. I find some of this anti social stuff really odd but each to their own.

NancyJoan · 08/08/2023 10:48

I suppose that one of the the appeals of an online forum is that it's a solo activity that can happen in one's own home, so MNetters are bound to skew towards introverts.

piglet81 · 08/08/2023 10:49

Sociable people are probably out and about engaging with the real world, not sitting at home engaging with the online world…so it’s self-selecting.

GalileoHumpkins · 08/08/2023 10:49

I'm not antisocial but I am shy and my social battery runs out very quickly, I've learnt what kind of things I can and can't deal with and only now do the things I enjoy. Why make myself stressed and miserable just because that's the way the world works?

FourTeaFallOut · 08/08/2023 10:50

I agree, op. I find the not answering the door thing so bizarre.

GoingToBeLessRubbishAtLife · 08/08/2023 10:53

I think I’m quite unsociable. I’m much happier spending time with one person, picking through their bookshelf chatting about everything on there, or leafing through their records, or just chatting in a coffee shop or that kind of thing. But going out in a group of people? I’d really rather not. Each one of those people individually? Yes. Together? No. Maybe that’s why I’m quite sociable online. I’ve got a few online places I’m quite active, but it’s all on my terms, I just log off whenever I want to.

EvenlyDetermined · 08/08/2023 10:53

Probably because in real life they keep themselves to themselves to you just don't know as many of them. Or they go along with things but keep quiet about disliking them. I agree the not answering the door thing is strange though.

WannaBeRecluse · 08/08/2023 10:56

I don't think I'm very social. See username. I don't particularly like weddings because I don't like dressing up. I do go to them if I don't have an excluded nursing baby though. I go to my DH's work dos if they are local. I smile and be the good corporate wife. I answer the door but I don't get surprise visitors either. I have no qualms about saying no to things I really don't want to do though.

MrsJBaptiste · 08/08/2023 10:58

Totally agree, OP. I know very few people in RL who barely go out and like snuggling in their pyjamas by 4pm 🙄

For most of my friends, we love an invitation to a wedding or a night out either in the week or at the weekend (and it's not an age thing as my friends and family range between 25-75)

Original poster
BarrelOfOtters · 08/08/2023 10:59

MrsJBaptiste · 08/08/2023 10:58

Totally agree, OP. I know very few people in RL who barely go out and like snuggling in their pyjamas by 4pm 🙄

For most of my friends, we love an invitation to a wedding or a night out either in the week or at the weekend (and it's not an age thing as my friends and family range between 25-75)

yes, DH's family has a wedding coming up soon, I'm looking forward to it!

OP posts:
dreamingbohemian · 08/08/2023 11:00

I don't know that MN is particularly anti-social

I think naturally social/extroverted people assume most people are like them (and worse, that everyone should be like them because 'that's how the world is')

So they are taken aback when they come on MN and find people who are not as social and have no problem being that way. They find it unnatural so it's more noticeable to them.

veryberrypericherry · 08/08/2023 11:00

BCBird · 08/08/2023 10:38

This is not what strikes me. The thing that strikes me is that on nearly every chat it turns nasty,with people arguing with each other😫

I agree!

And has anyone noticed that if one person piles on with a nasty response it opens the flood gates to a load of mean responses...

But then, one brave person changes the dialogue and supports the OP and then, and ONLY THEN, do the kinder supportive comments come in!

It's so sad. It used to be lovely on here.

IncompleteSenten · 08/08/2023 11:01

Yup.

Well, I wouldn't say I'm anti social but I'm certainly unsociable.

I have autism and I find real life interactions overwhelming and stressful. Online I am in control. I dip in and out as I choose with no requirement to engage any further than I choose. Unlike RL conversations / interactions which are exhausting.

Sociable people probably don't spend their days hanging out on the internet.

dreamingbohemian · 08/08/2023 11:02

FourTeaFallOut · 08/08/2023 10:50

I agree, op. I find the not answering the door thing so bizarre.

I wonder if this depends on where you live

In my corner of London 99% of unexpected door knocks are missionaries or charity beggers so no, I don't bother answering the door. I don't think there's anything weird about that.

Plenty of women don't feel safe opening the door if it's a man they don't know outside. That's also ok and people should not feel weird about it.

WhateverMate · 08/08/2023 11:02

YANBU there are so many unsociable people on MN.

But perhaps they just stand out more because starting a thread about not wanting to go to something/answer your door/speak to neighbours etc, is going to be more interesting than starting one because you do actually do those very normal things?

WhateverMate · 08/08/2023 11:04

Mind you there's a ridiculous amount of adults here who'll say "I don't like confrontation" when it's suggested they simply have a very polite word with someone.

That really is bizarre.

Mushroo · 08/08/2023 11:05

I agree, any kind of event is seen as ‘self indulgent’ and tacky.

Mumsnet hates weddings that don’t cost £1, christenings, birthday parties for adults, hen parties.

In real life, most people enjoy these things, or at least recognise it as a nice day for the person hosting and a chance to celebrate.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 08/08/2023 11:05

I agree, OP. It's not that I think it's a bad thing that people feel able to turn down social events or choose not to answer their door. it just surprises me a bit how many people want to!

tigger1001 · 08/08/2023 11:06

For me personally it's far more about enforcing boundaries and no longer feeling I have to do something I don't want to do simply to please others.

I rarely go to works functions, as they nearly always end up being big drunken affairs, and I would be driving so not nearly as much fun for me. So I choose not to go.

My free time is important to me - and as I work full time and also am studying, I think it's ok to choose not to do things I don't enjoy.

LaMaG · 08/08/2023 11:06

One thing I really like about MN is the different types of people and different life perspectives. We generally tend to be with people like ourselves IRL and it's really interesting to hear different views on ordinary things. I find it comforting when I read someone is having the same thoughts/ insecurities as me even in totally different circumstances.

Yeah, I hate when it gets mean and people start questioning another's view and picking their post apart.