Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

How is everyone else surviving in this day and age!?

290 replies

Mummyrere · 04/08/2023 20:27

I’m just so mind blown how other people are living -

I see so many people with mortgages, going on holidays, having nice cars etc etc and there jobs are obviously not that well paid! My partner works really hard and brings home £5000 a month. It doesn’t work out beneficial for me to go back to work as I have a one year old and the childcare is about the same as I would earn - now we are scrimping and saving, struggling to save each month, getting absolutely rinsed paying rent (in not even an expensive place!) and we can’t afford a mortgage, and really doesn’t look like we ever would be able to. It’s very depressing and I’m feeling so sorry for my partner who is working hard. I’m considering getting an evening and a weekend job but that would mean I would never see my partner as he’s back so late, and to be honest it wouldnt even make too much of a difference to us. I just feel like why is this fair? When he’s in a well paid job he’s worked years in that we’re in this position when other people seem to be living it up!? Ahhh just having a stress tonight!

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 05/08/2023 00:08

LittleBearPad · 04/08/2023 23:18

Having financial independence is always worth it - particularly if you aren’t married.

earning the same as you pay out in childcare isn't financial independence. even using the "well you only pay half cos he pays the rest", she'd still be putting most of her wages to the collective bills, and if he ups and leaves her tomorrow and is an arsehole she probably can't afford to work anyway,

SleepingStandingUp · 05/08/2023 00:11

monsteramunch · 04/08/2023 23:54

Who is telling you he can’t afford a mortgage?

It's likely the deposit required to secure a mortgage that's the issue.

It would take so, so long (I know as we're trying) to save the deposit required for a 2 bed in many places in the UK (not just london) while also renting.

We could afford a mortgage. We don't have the deposit necessary to secure one. Nowhere near. So we're stuck renting. And high rent is the reason we can't save enough for a mortgage. And round and round the cycle goes.

yup, plus what you pay in rent for a 3 bed is more like the mortgage payment on a 2 bed, or so i've found. We rent a 3 for £900, but mortgage on a comparative property is £1200. That's rent for a 4 bed which we can't afford, let along the 22k deposit

Wonderwoman333 · 05/08/2023 00:13

£5k per month and struggling is ridiculous.

PrinnyPree · 05/08/2023 00:26

£3k is a wacking great amount on rent and bills if he also needs £1k a month travel expenses so I'm guessing he's not close to work. Could you rent somewhere closer to his job so he doesn't have to spend so much travelling?

Spinewars23 · 05/08/2023 00:59

Not parking your car but in a park & ride open parking costing £3 per day j28 of the A12) worst thing you did was get rid of cash ticket machines so your lovely drivers can glear at everyone!

or

Nearest car park to town centre; St Mary’s Colchester park only at £12 per day during day anyhow to then hear they’ve rats. Ahhhh. Lovely.

Take your pick. Colchester at its finest.

Judelawswife68 · 05/08/2023 01:05

Where does he travel to work? £1,000 a month on commuting? Maybe move nearer to his workplace.

UnfunnyJester · 05/08/2023 01:06

Marwoodsbigbreak · 04/08/2023 21:38

I don’t understand the travel costs.

If DP commutes, spending £700 a month on train fares, why/how is he also spending £300 a month on business use petrol? And surely that would be claimed back anyway?

It sounds like you can’t afford to live where you do. As you aren’t married, it’s high risk not to work. Are you paying into a private pension?

This is exactly what I was thinking. This doesn't make sense.

TiredCatLady · 05/08/2023 01:41

£3k on rent and bills plus another £1k on commuting. WTH? How? Are you in central London or just living ludicrously far from your partners work?

user1492757084 · 05/08/2023 01:47

You could afford a mortgage, I think.
Saving for the deposit is the difficulty, I assume.

user1492757084 · 05/08/2023 01:50

Have you considered buying a place closer to work.
You could save on travel and sell the car to help form the deposit.

Mikimoto · 05/08/2023 02:10

Ah, the classic "it's not worth me going to work".
Are ALL these posters only qualified to stack shelves in Asda?!

Charlize43 · 05/08/2023 02:24

£5K a month and you can't get a mortgage? Perhaps look at the area you are living in and move to a cheaper one?

EleanorLucyG · 05/08/2023 03:31

SleepingStandingUp · 05/08/2023 00:08

earning the same as you pay out in childcare isn't financial independence. even using the "well you only pay half cos he pays the rest", she'd still be putting most of her wages to the collective bills, and if he ups and leaves her tomorrow and is an arsehole she probably can't afford to work anyway,

If he ups and leaves her UC will expect her to work once DC is 2yrs. If she's already working and her entire wage goes on childcare, she'll get UC (which includes housing allowance and childcare allowance) for being on a low income and she won't have the stress of searching for a job whilst having been out of the job market for years and needing to find childcare, at the same time as going through a breakup. She'll also suddenly be entitled to child benefit without his wages coming in, if her income is low enough. And she'll have been paying NI which builds up entitlement towards state pension. Him being an arsehole or not won't come into it, she'll still be in a better position if he suddenly left if she's working than if she's not.

OP how is he spending £700 on train fare per month? Does he have a yearly train ticket? Even if you lived in Kent and commuted into London daily I don't think it would cost £700/month

Trixiefirecracker · 05/08/2023 03:40

Honestly think this post is a bit tone deaf. 5k is money some people can only dream of. Getting a mortgage, moving closer to your husbands work…All these things are in your reach whereas for most others it’s an impossibility. Give you head a wobble. We are a family of four surviving on much, much less than that. So are many, many others.

Plantymcplantface · 05/08/2023 04:42

OP.

A good rule of thumb is that no more than 35 per cent of post-tax income should go on mortgage payments. So that would be £1750 a month. Expensive rent and bills and council I can believe take this to £2500-£3000 but this combined with commuting costs are killing your budget at 60% of income.

Your OH could earn less and you could make it work elsewhere with a better quality of life in a different part of the UK.

As a family of 4 we pay mortgage, car, bills and live comfortably on £3500 with money left over for savings. This is Yorkshire. We have a 4-bed large semi in a great village. 2-3 holidays a year. Mortgage and bills comes to £1200 a month.

BLT24 · 05/08/2023 06:10

Your rent and bills and his travel costs are absolutely extortionate. Where do you live? Is there anyway to get these costs down?

Our budget is:
Joint income £4,507 after tax, ni, pension and husbands company car benefit in kind tax (I don’t drive)

We own a 4 bed detached house bought in 2021 for 400k. We put down 5%. The mortgage is £1600. Interest rates were good then and we got 2.8%.

Bills £700
Food, household items, toiletries £400
Petrol £150 (husband travels 70 mile round trip 4 days a week and 1 day wfh)
Savings £200
Leaves £1457 which we spend on whatever we want including holidays. We don’t go on massively expensive holidays anymore. We used to when our mortgage was £600 but we decided to move to a nicer area. If we want to do work on the house we can’t do holidays.

User1755387908 · 05/08/2023 06:32

I call BS, it's easy to just make up amounts on here if you don't go into any details

Combusting · 05/08/2023 06:54

I doubt the OP will return. These figures are made up I think. The commuting (train plus fuel) figure doesn’t add up and doesn’t make sense with the housing costs either.

Augustusgloooop · 05/08/2023 06:58

BLT24 · 05/08/2023 06:10

Your rent and bills and his travel costs are absolutely extortionate. Where do you live? Is there anyway to get these costs down?

Our budget is:
Joint income £4,507 after tax, ni, pension and husbands company car benefit in kind tax (I don’t drive)

We own a 4 bed detached house bought in 2021 for 400k. We put down 5%. The mortgage is £1600. Interest rates were good then and we got 2.8%.

Bills £700
Food, household items, toiletries £400
Petrol £150 (husband travels 70 mile round trip 4 days a week and 1 day wfh)
Savings £200
Leaves £1457 which we spend on whatever we want including holidays. We don’t go on massively expensive holidays anymore. We used to when our mortgage was £600 but we decided to move to a nicer area. If we want to do work on the house we can’t do holidays.

A 70 mile round trip 4 days per week for a month is 3600 miles, where is he buying his fuel that’s only costing £150 per month for that?! My car averages 52 mpg, costs £40 to fill and I get max 400 miles from a tank, the equivalent would cost at least double £150 per month

BLT24 · 05/08/2023 07:00

Augustusgloooop · 05/08/2023 06:58

A 70 mile round trip 4 days per week for a month is 3600 miles, where is he buying his fuel that’s only costing £150 per month for that?! My car averages 52 mpg, costs £40 to fill and I get max 400 miles from a tank, the equivalent would cost at least double £150 per month

Sorry I should have mentioned it’s a hybrid. He charges it at work for free.

BarbaraofSeville · 05/08/2023 07:05

Well hopefully the OP will come back and clarify. But to answer the basic question, other people are 'surviving' (well not everyone is, but those are the ones that you can't see going on holiday or driving nice cars) because they're not paying such high rent and high commuting costs.

OP, you seem very unaware of what is normal/typical/average. You say you 'don't live in an expensive place' but your rent is £2k+ pm, which is really high.

And yet your DP has high commuting costs on top. People normally do one or the other. The ideal would be to live close to work so commuting is cheap and quick, but obviously many people can't afford to do that, so they live somewhere cheaper and suck up the commute. But not both.

I know you didn't ask for advice, but 'just having a moan' won't solve your issues, so you could improve your situation by:

Looking at moving somewhere where the cost of rent and commuting is much less. You say you'll 'never be able to afford to buy' but with your DP being a high earner, and when you go back to work, of course you will, so you'll probably benefit from renting somewhere smaller and cheaper so you can save a deposit - your bills will probably be lower too, so free up more for other things.

Why is he spending £300 pm on petrol, if he's travelling for work, his work should be paying for this, preferably at 45 ppm, so he gets a contribution towards all his car running costs. What's the car situation btw? Does he own it outright, or does he have monthly car payments?

£450 pm on groceries and nappies etc is quite a lot, so could you trim this a bit?

How much are you spending on things like phones, broadband, streaming, other subscriptions, there's loads of ways to reduce this if you're paying more than the minimum.

You need to keep your savings, like you say, they get used on annual and irregular costs like car repairs.

On the matter of work, you need to change your mindset over this. You're currently missing out on pension contributions while your DP is working and building up a good pension that you have no entitlement to as you're not married, so you're really at a disadvantage. So you need to change this by getting married, which doesn't need to be expensive, just go to the registry office. Also think about how you can work, and share childcare costs, and responsibility for childcare drop offs or work when DP can look after DC. Are you at least getting the NI credits towards your state pension, even though DP earns too much to receive CB?

But one thing you could do even if you don't work is keep a really tight rein on your budget, to make your money go as far as possible. Have a look at Moneysaving Expert as there's loads of ideas on how to increase your disposable income by cutting costs, and earning little bits of extra money here and there.

Loopylooni · 05/08/2023 07:07

I think the op was just feeling frazzled at seeing friends go on fancy holidays etc.

@Mummyrere I take home a similar amount net. I manage with no mortgage but I pay school fees of the same amount. No car, no holidays plus I budget a lot for food. Single parent too.

notahappybunny7 · 05/08/2023 07:21

Zone2NorthLondon · 04/08/2023 22:00

And it’s perfectly normal to return to work and not be glued to baby 24/7
Plenty manage it with

Can’t imagine why you’d go through pregnancy and childbirth and not want to be “glued” to your baby tbh

ChippyTea16 · 05/08/2023 07:23

£3k on rent and bills and £1k a month on commuting/driving is ridiculous. I don’t understand these threads, other people ‘survive’ by living within their means which in fairness it sounds like you do but don’t have any spare money once everything is paid. You say it doesn’t make sense for you to go back to work but what did you do before? Could you afford holidays etc then? If so it seems like you’ve just swapped that for affording a child which presumably was your choice?

It’s not necessarily forever either, if you go back to work once your child is a bit older you’ll be able to save for a deposit it will just take a bit longer but you mentioned you have savings too so you’re in a better position than a lot of people at the moment.

notahappybunny7 · 05/08/2023 07:24

Elephantsdontlikechocolate · 04/08/2023 22:04

Good reason for it - it traps the woman and the child

Don’t have kids than. It’s not compulsory. Or plan your life better before they’re conceived. I’m trapped in no way and had a child with minimum work and as a single mum have never relied on a man.

Swipe left for the next trending thread