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Original poster

How is everyone else surviving in this day and age!?

290 replies

Mummyrere · 04/08/2023 20:27

I’m just so mind blown how other people are living -

I see so many people with mortgages, going on holidays, having nice cars etc etc and there jobs are obviously not that well paid! My partner works really hard and brings home £5000 a month. It doesn’t work out beneficial for me to go back to work as I have a one year old and the childcare is about the same as I would earn - now we are scrimping and saving, struggling to save each month, getting absolutely rinsed paying rent (in not even an expensive place!) and we can’t afford a mortgage, and really doesn’t look like we ever would be able to. It’s very depressing and I’m feeling so sorry for my partner who is working hard. I’m considering getting an evening and a weekend job but that would mean I would never see my partner as he’s back so late, and to be honest it wouldnt even make too much of a difference to us. I just feel like why is this fair? When he’s in a well paid job he’s worked years in that we’re in this position when other people seem to be living it up!? Ahhh just having a stress tonight!

OP posts:
webuiltthiscityonrockandwheat · 04/08/2023 20:59

£3k on rent! I can't believe people charge so much. Unless you live in a mansion that's outrageous! You could probably live in a nice holiday cottage for less

LittleBearPad · 04/08/2023 20:59

Mummyrere · 04/08/2023 20:56

£3000 on rent and bills
£700 on train fair for partners work
£300 on petrol (for work mostly as he needs to travel)
£1000 left -
£400 on food and toiletries, cleaning stuff etc
£50 on baby, nappies, wipes, etc etc
£200 for luxuries (including birthdays, outings, coffee or a lunch etc etc)
£150 on other bills (phone bill, health insurance)
£200 into savings - which usually get used for things coming up - car breaking etc.

Im not saying we are completely strapped to the point of being skint and in debt - but what I’m trying to say is why is it someone who is earning a good wage isn’t able to afford a mortgage, or having a holiday is a big stress about dipping into our savings or if we did ever afford a mortgage we would have no savings left for if anything comes up.

£1k on travel? Where is he going to and from?

How many of the bills are discretionary - ie streaming services, mobile bills that are higher than they need to be etc?

smilingthroughgrittedteeth · 04/08/2023 21:00

£3000 on rent and bills? Maybe rent somewhere smaller or in a cheaper area

watersprites · 04/08/2023 21:00

Also lots of people have family help eg house deposit, childcare, etc.

Original poster
Mummyrere · 04/08/2023 21:00

@blueshoes i never said I had the right to luxuries because my partner brings home money? What a statement!! I’ve worked my whole life and believe me have lived on the breadline. I’ve come from a home where we have been literally homeless and I’ve been passed around to other family members to stay whilst my mum tries to get us a counsel house. I’m not oblivious to the fact. I don’t work as it makes no difference as the childcare is as much as I would make - it would be no difference. I’ve not had a high paid job. I’m more just asking how other people are affording these expensive luxuries. Maybe it is because we are careful with money and not in a lot of debt that we aren’t over board.

OP posts:
watersprites · 04/08/2023 21:02

I do see how 5k doesn't go far though. so much will go on rent/mortgage unless you're older.

Comedycook · 04/08/2023 21:02

We are a similar income level op...just a bit less and I'm a sahm too. We are doing pretty well. Not dripping in diamonds but certainly not struggling. We have just been abroad. We aren't scrimping. I'm guessing the main difference is housing costs and your dh train costs are huge. We have a small mortgage that is fixed thank god. How much is your rent?

benfoldsfivefan · 04/08/2023 21:02

Why are you spending 3K on rent when it’s just the three of you? Even in London the average rent for a two bed flat is 2.5. Here in the north west it’s about £1.300.

Augustusgloooop · 04/08/2023 21:02

Im not sure who you are comparing to and if they have children or childcare costs to pay? But in a household where both adults are working even on a fairly average £40k salary they would be bringing home £5k per month.

Your rent is very high and so are the commuting costs, where do you live vs where do you work?

watersprites · 04/08/2023 21:03

£3000 on rent and bills? Maybe rent somewhere smaller or in a cheaper area

how much is just on rent?

DelurkingAJ · 04/08/2023 21:03

Either your friends earn more than you think (I know my DH’s friends are bewildered that I outearn him) or they spend a lot less. For context we take home twice what you do between us and spend about the same on the mortgage and bills…maybe £500 more including childcare. Therefore we can afford holidays…

NoSquirrels · 04/08/2023 21:03

Why is both your rent and his travel so extortionate? If you lived closer to his work he wouldn’t have the travel costs. Or live somewhere where the rent is cheaper but the travel is similar. I could spend £800 on travel to London every month and I’m fucking miles away where rent is definitely not that much.

calmcoco · 04/08/2023 21:03

£3k on rent and £1k on travel is astronomical Sad

LittleBearPad · 04/08/2023 21:04

Also would it make more sense to move closer to DP’s job so he’s spending less on travel.

You’re in a very vulnerable position - you’re not married and you have no income.

Gymmum82 · 04/08/2023 21:04

We take home half that and manage holidays and luxuries. If your partner is spending a combined £1000 on travel to work I’d consider moving somewhere cheaper. You don’t need to live where you’re living if you’re blowing a grand a month on transport and £3k on rent

Ionapussy · 04/08/2023 21:04

I bought a house as ftb last year and thankfully took a 5 year fix at a <3% rate. Mortgage is higher than rent but not horrendously so.

We had a bit of savings left over so paid for a holiday for this summer (we haven't had one since 2019).

My DP is on the same salary as you. I was a SAHM for 2 years then returned to work p/t even though we were in a negative with me working due to childcare/commute costs. Youngest starts school in Sept and I'm increasing my hours and will earn just under £30k. I can hybrid work and can finish early some days so my commute and our wrap around costs aren't horrendous. Your DPs commute cost is v high.

Blanketenvy · 04/08/2023 21:05

£1k on travel costs seems a lot. Is there somewhere you could reallocate to which would reduce either that or your rent so you would have a bit more money to work with?

NoSquirrels · 04/08/2023 21:05

But - it does feel shit to struggle, so I sympathise there.

Vettrianofan · 04/08/2023 21:05

I have got four DC and live comfortably, SAHM for fifteen years now. DH has a fairly modest salary, but we are not materialistic people so only buy what is needed. Rarely drink alcohol. Never go out socially. Prefer reading books from library and sewing in my spare time.

Reassess your lifestyle once your child is at nursery.

Whadda · 04/08/2023 21:06

Why are you paying extortionate rent in an expensive area for your boyfriend to commute away from there? Surely moving further out would make sense.

You really should be working- you’re very vulnerable as an unmarried mother. Plus leaving the financial burden solely up to him is very unfair.

RandomMess · 04/08/2023 21:08

Your rent and commute costs are very depressing.

It's horrible that we are going back to the days of multigenerational loving being the norm due to prohibitive rental costs.

addictedtotheflats · 04/08/2023 21:09

My DP and I bring in less than your husband and we definitely don't struggle. We have a mortgage, childcare costs and have had 3 abroad holidays in the last year. Our mortgage is small because we have a small house and live in the north, I work lots of weekends to keep nursery costs down and we book don't go mad on what holidays we go on.

Just saw your update, £3K on rent and bills is outrageous. Our mortgage/utilities/council tax/insurances/broadband/subscriptions come to less than a grand.😱

Aposterhasnoname · 04/08/2023 21:10

Well, we’re mostly living in places where rent and bills aren’t £3000 a month. Even before our mortgage was paid off it was £1500 for everything.

notahappybunny7 · 04/08/2023 21:10

LaurieFairyCake · 04/08/2023 20:40

Our income is £5k now (it's gone down hugely as my self employment has gone down a third)

our outgoings are £5,500 every month before we buy food or put petrol in the car - our mortgage has gone up hugely as has everything else

We can no longer afford to live and are about to put our house on the market Sad

We are literally considering ALL options. Right now I'm looking at boats and decamping to one of them

Correct me if I’m wrong but I’m sure on other threads you’ve said you’re in your 50s. How on earth are you in that position at that age?

Beezknees · 04/08/2023 21:10

Obviously your rent is the issue. That is hugely expensive.

My income as a lone parent is less than half of yours. But my rent is £500pm. So I'm not struggling. I can afford holidays and extras.

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