How is everyone else surviving in this day and age!?

[Mummyrere]

I’m just so mind blown how other people are living -

I see so many people with mortgages, going on holidays, having nice cars etc etc and there jobs are obviously not that well paid! My partner works really hard and brings home £5000 a month. It doesn’t work out beneficial for me to go back to work as I have a one year old and the childcare is about the same as I would earn - now we are scrimping and saving, struggling to save each month, getting absolutely rinsed paying rent (in not even an expensive place!) and we can’t afford a mortgage, and really doesn’t look like we ever would be able to. It’s very depressing and I’m feeling so sorry for my partner who is working hard. I’m considering getting an evening and a weekend job but that would mean I would never see my partner as he’s back so late, and to be honest it wouldnt even make too much of a difference to us. I just feel like why is this fair? When he’s in a well paid job he’s worked years in that we’re in this position when other people seem to be living it up!? Ahhh just having a stress tonight!

THESE ARE BULLSHIT FIGURES PEOPLE!

I’m actually more worried that op has a absolutely no idea what her bills are a month , and she is believing everything her other half tells her

mean while he’s doing whatever with and extra few grand a month

If childcare costs are equal to your salary, it’s still worth going back - assuming you and your partner would split childcare costs 50-50 between you?

You're managing to save each month and have money for 'luxuries' you aren't struggling OP. Ridiculous

I think you need to look at your bills.

My energy provider tried to increase my bill to an extortionate amount a few weeks ago (from £200 to £320). When I looked closer, I noticed they had misread my smart meter.

I'm sure this sort of thing is really common.

Didn’t you know childcare costs is women responsibility that’s why she has to give to work and be a SAHM. (sarcasm)

I heard the other day that some are getting into credit card debt to pay mortgages and food. This is so scary and it's what happened in the 90s.

I don't understand where people are getting money for going out, holidays etc. It must be debt.

I agree with this. Years ago people lived with parents while they saved for a house, nowadays people move out and pay rent so can’t save. It’s not actually any more complex than that

You can work opposite shift jobs and he can look after the child its how many people have worked for years

Just looking at your expenses to see if I can think of anything.... We have a very similar situation, and aren't struggling, and we live in an expensive area (one child, similar take home pay etc).

I found that using reusable nappies and wipes saves a lot of money. I bought them mostly second hand off Vinted to save even more.
Also shopping at Lidl and Aldi brought the weekly food bill right down, almost by half.
For luxuries, maybe you need to spend less on birthdays (e.g. have a £20 limit on gifts for each other, and £10 on others), take picnics when you go out (which can actually be a lot more fun), and share large coffees instead of getting one each (I personally like small coffees and this works out cheaper).

Just a few ideas.

I agree with this. Years ago people lived with parents while they saved for a house, nowadays people move out and pay rent so can’t save. It’s not actually any more complex than that

I know loads of people who are still living with parents into their 30s because they can't afford a house.

Years ago people were able to buy a property on one income in their early 20s. That's just not possible now for most people.

Or better budgeting skills.

Also, if you can afford that much on luxuries every month (lunches, coffees etc), doesn't that mean you're not really struggling? In my mind, struggling means not being able to afford luxuries.

Well in terms of how other people are affording it, they probably aren't spending £4000 a month on rent, bills and work-related travel, because that's beyond extortionate!

In terms of getting a job though, please don't think it's purely the maths of extra wage in minus childcare costs out. Having a job is so much more than that - pension and NI payments, continued skills meaning you're more attractive as a candidate for other jobs, eligibility for pay rises etc. So many women seem to think if it's not immediately bringing in extra net income to the bank account its not worth it financially, and that simply isn't the case a lot of the time.

How is he commuting? Why is he paying for both train fares and petrol for work - he should get travel expenses paid for by work.

Not working can be a false economy - you will be missing out on NI and pension contributions as well as career progression/promotions. And it's very hard going back to your career at the same level as before. Also childcare costs should be a shared expense.

You must live next door to the king to not be able to make 5K a month work.

I'm freelance, consider it a REALLY good month if I bring home £1700, and have recently returned from a 2-week "once in a lifetime" cruise.

I think many women know that but stick their fingers in their ears and go la la la because they want to give up work whatever the long term consequences.

This! I know so many women who proudly tell you their husband takes care of everything and they have no idea how much stuff costs. I couldn’t live like that.

Rents are rising a lot in London and the SE.

A year ago, you could find a 2-bed place to rent for £1200 a month. There weren't loads at that price, admittedly, but they were around. Now, the sort of places that were £1200 a year ago are £1350 minimum, and £1500 is not uncommon. This isn't London, either, but 50 miles south, so someone with a London job would have high commuting costs.

Rent inflation is seriously outstripping price inflation imo.

You might well be right @Honeychickpea, but I do think humans in general are not great at really accounting for long term things... same as how people tend to let their weight/fitness drift whilst it's not having an immediate effect, and only do something when they have a health scare (or play down climate change until the world is practically on fire, then wonder why nothing was done years ago).... so it does feel to me that the sahm decision could go the same way! 😊

@Heyhoherewegoagain

Years ago people lived with parents while they saved for a house, nowadays people move out and pay rent so can’t save.

Eh? More adult children live with their parents for longer now - the number rises year on year.

amp.theguardian.com/society/2023/may/10/number-adults-living-parents-england-wales-up-700000-decade

They lived as couples not singletons. It was different.

I think the transport figures are sus - would like to see that explained.

3k rent and bills but excluding food - yes rent is a lot if you're SE but I'm pretty sure you could rent a decent 2bed flat for around 1k within commuting distance of london, especially in parts of Essex.

@LittleBearPad

They lived as couples not singletons. It was different.

Sorry I genuinely don't get what you mean?

Because rent to wage ratio is so high, more adult children are living with their parents now than before.

What difference does it make if they're single and living with one set of parents, coupled up but each living with their own parents, or coupled up and both living with one set of parents?

My point was that due to the rent to wage ratio being so high now, financial pressure means more adults are living at their parents homes than previously.

Rather than moving out earlier, which is what the poster I responded to suggested was more common than in days gone by. It's simply not true than people now move out earlier and rent instead of living with their parents. Data shows this.

£3.1k is my earnings. We can definitely afford a kid eventually on our salaries just not yet. We bought our first house (standard 3 bed) and were unlucky, it needed a lot more urgent expensive work than the surveys indicated so we need to build up some savings again and reduce our credit card if I’m going to take mat leave. I’m sure it looks like we’re rolling in it from the outside though - we’ve had a fair few comments of that sort from our neighbour!