Page 10 | How is everyone else surviving in this day and age!?

Mummyrere · 2023-08-04T19:27:22+00:00

I’m just so mind blown how other people are living - I see so many people with mortgages, going on holidays, having nice cars etc etc and there jobs are obviously not that well paid! My partner works really hard and brings home £5000 a month. It doesn’t work out beneficial for me to go back to work as I have a one year old and the childcare is about the same as I would earn - now we are scrimping and saving, struggling to save each month, getting absolutely rinsed paying rent (in not even an expensive place!) and we can’t afford a mortgage, and really doesn’t look like we ever would be able to. It’s very depressing and I’m feeling so sorry for my partner who is working hard. I’m considering getting an evening and a weekend job but that would mean I would never see my partner as he’s back so late, and to be honest it wouldnt even make too much of a difference to us. I just feel like why is this fair? When he’s in a well paid job he’s worked years in that we’re in this position when other people seem to be living it up!? Ahhh just having a stress tonight!

anonymousxoxo · 05/08/2023 07:33

notahappybunny7 · 05/08/2023 07:24

Don’t have kids than. It’s not compulsory. Or plan your life better before they’re conceived. I’m trapped in no way and had a child with minimum work and as a single mum have never relied on a man.

Show quote history

Most people have children when they’re stable in their career.

Vettrianofan · 05/08/2023 07:45

watersprites · 05/08/2023 00:02

@Vettrianofan

what part of my post did you not understand?

Oh I understood what you were getting at, but there are several ways to look at a situation. We all see things differently. Wage stagnation doesn't change the fact that £90k is a huge salary for many in other parts of the UK. What part of this do you not understand?

BarbaraofSeville · 05/08/2023 07:48

But this is MN @Vettrianofan you know, the place where people think that £60k is the lower end of a graduate starting salary, which doubles before people reach their late 20s.

It's amazing how the demographic of this place is so far removed than the UK population as a whole.

Marchitectmummy · 05/08/2023 07:50

Mummyrere · 04/08/2023 20:56

£3000 on rent and bills
£700 on train fair for partners work
£300 on petrol (for work mostly as he needs to travel)
£1000 left -
£400 on food and toiletries, cleaning stuff etc
£50 on baby, nappies, wipes, etc etc
£200 for luxuries (including birthdays, outings, coffee or a lunch etc etc)
£150 on other bills (phone bill, health insurance)
£200 into savings - which usually get used for things coming up - car breaking etc.

Im not saying we are completely strapped to the point of being skint and in debt - but what I’m trying to say is why is it someone who is earning a good wage isn’t able to afford a mortgage, or having a holiday is a big stress about dipping into our savings or if we did ever afford a mortgage we would have no savings left for if anything comes up.

You live somewhere or in something beyond your means. You are spending more thsn half your income on essential bills, thats why you can't afford much else.

Combusting · 05/08/2023 07:53

notahappybunny7 · 05/08/2023 07:21

Can’t imagine why you’d go through pregnancy and childbirth and not want to be “glued” to your baby tbh

Show quote history

In other words - all women who give birth should be glued to their babies?

rrrrrreatt · 05/08/2023 07:55

We have a combined income of £7k and a very nice life, I’ve been asked how we afford it a few times. The answer is my kitchen is on a credit card and I’m desperately unhappy and lonely in a job I hate to keep the money coming in when I really want a baby.

I know it’s very irritating to hear but comparison is the thief of joy, especially when it comes to money. Some people have more, it is unfair, but it’s also not the

rrrrrreatt · 05/08/2023 07:57

rrrrrreatt · 05/08/2023 07:55

We have a combined income of £7k and a very nice life, I’ve been asked how we afford it a few times. The answer is my kitchen is on a credit card and I’m desperately unhappy and lonely in a job I hate to keep the money coming in when I really want a baby.

I know it’s very irritating to hear but comparison is the thief of joy, especially when it comes to money. Some people have more, it is unfair, but it’s also not the

deciding factor for happiness. Sorry my response sent too soon!

Doris86 · 05/08/2023 08:00

£3000 rent? Where on earth do you live?

We are on a similar income and our mortgage is £700 a month (and still fixed at 2.5% for another 5 years). I realise we are lucky, but I think that is why a lot of people aren’t struggling. Mortgages taken out some time ago that have gradually become a smaller and smaller percentage of income.

magicalkitty · 05/08/2023 08:02

Some people are on fixed mortgages for a long period and not feeling the rate rise yet.

Some people don't have mortgages

Some people have inheritance

Some people put it all on credit cards

TheGoodBanana · 05/08/2023 08:08

3000 on rent and bills seems extortionate to me. Are you living in London?

Can you downsize to a 1 bed flat for a year or two giving you chance to save for a mortgage?

Catcatcatcatcat · 05/08/2023 08:11

Combusting · 05/08/2023 06:54

I doubt the OP will return. These figures are made up I think. The commuting (train plus fuel) figure doesn’t add up and doesn’t make sense with the housing costs either.

Yeah the figures are dogshit and we’re all trying to rationalise them!!

OP is either a journalist or a wind up merchant.

Vettrianofan · 05/08/2023 08:11

BarbaraofSeville · 05/08/2023 07:48

But this is MN @Vettrianofan you know, the place where people think that £60k is the lower end of a graduate starting salary, which doubles before people reach their late 20s.

It's amazing how the demographic of this place is so far removed than the UK population as a whole.

@BarbaraofSeville I agree it is like a parallel universe on here. Completely out of touch with the rest of the real world 😂

Katey83 · 05/08/2023 08:16

We have slightly less as a monthly family income and go on holidays but:
we don’t have a car (dh has a van but it’s a self employed work vehicle so costs covered by his income before take home)
our holidays are usually with family/friends who live overseas and can provide accommodation (DH parents have a property in a popular holiday destination that we visit for free)
also struggling for a mortgage in London but we rent out our mortgaged property in another part of the country for most of the year and rent a reasonably cheap London flat.

Katey83 · 05/08/2023 08:20

Mummyrere · 04/08/2023 20:56

£3000 on rent and bills
£700 on train fair for partners work
£300 on petrol (for work mostly as he needs to travel)
£1000 left -
£400 on food and toiletries, cleaning stuff etc
£50 on baby, nappies, wipes, etc etc
£200 for luxuries (including birthdays, outings, coffee or a lunch etc etc)
£150 on other bills (phone bill, health insurance)
£200 into savings - which usually get used for things coming up - car breaking etc.

Im not saying we are completely strapped to the point of being skint and in debt - but what I’m trying to say is why is it someone who is earning a good wage isn’t able to afford a mortgage, or having a holiday is a big stress about dipping into our savings or if we did ever afford a mortgage we would have no savings left for if anything comes up.

If your husband needs to travel for work in a car as well as to work by train (beyond the daily commute) some of this should be covered by work expenses surely? This would leave you with an extra £300 pcm for holidays/deposit saving.

PinkCherryBlossoms · 05/08/2023 08:23

This question comes up aaaaaaalll the time.

The answer is always a mixture of people having access to more money than you think they do and being able to get the luxuries for cheaper than you realise. Holidays in particular are a bad way to assess income, because people can get them for such wildly varying amounts. And posh cars can sometimes be leased for less than you'd expect.

In your case OP, the housing and commuting costs are particularly brutal. I don't think most people go anywhere near that. And your working and tax arrangements are quite inefficient. If he brings home 5k a month, you presumably get no child benefit and a good chunk of his income is taxed at 40%. If the pair of you earned the same as he does now but between two of you, because of the way tax rates work you'd come out with more money. It's better to have two earners on 40k than one on 80k. DH and I both went part time when the DC were little and it was a more financially efficient way of doing things.

MySoCalledWife · 05/08/2023 08:33

Obviously it makes no sense to rent so expensive, so far from his work

rent closer to his work and the commute cost should drop!

how big is the place you are renting?

when our DC were small, we lived in a 2 bedroom flat , close to DH work, no garden etc but it meant we saved a lot (for deposit) in the 5 yrs we lived there. Can you do similar?

PriamFarrl · 05/08/2023 08:35

If you are living somewhere with combined rent and bills of £3k then you simply can’t afford it. It’s as straightforward as that. A big house will have a high rent and accordingly the bills will be high. One of the few advantages of renting is the ease with which you can move.

Move to a more affordable house and the bills will be smaller too.

Noschoolholiday · 05/08/2023 08:39

VeridicalVagabond · 04/08/2023 20:34

My husband and I together are on less monthly than your partner is bringing home alone and we have a mortgage and go on holiday twice a year, eat reasonably well and can afford all our bills. Neither of us ever works more than 40 hours a week, usually closer to 35. We have modest savings and can afford the occasional treat. Our daughter wants for nothing. Nothing on credit cards, paid those off before we got a mortgage. Unless your rent is extortionate I'm not actually sure how you're struggling on 5k a month, people on a lot less are managing ok. What are you spending it on?

Yes this. Same situation here, and we are paying some nursery fees. I think if you look at your budget you should fine some money is getting wasted somewhere.

Teateaandmoretea · 05/08/2023 08:49

SleepingStandingUp · 05/08/2023 00:08

earning the same as you pay out in childcare isn't financial independence. even using the "well you only pay half cos he pays the rest", she'd still be putting most of her wages to the collective bills, and if he ups and leaves her tomorrow and is an arsehole she probably can't afford to work anyway,

Show quote history

This is a ridiculously short term view. It is better to keep working if at all possible because:

you are building up pension
if you continue to work your longer term earning power is better. Therefore when the childcare costs go down you will have a better paid job. If you take a break of several years things move on and it’s very hard to get back in even at the same level in a lot of jobs.

LittleBearPad · 05/08/2023 08:53

SleepingStandingUp · 05/08/2023 00:08

earning the same as you pay out in childcare isn't financial independence. even using the "well you only pay half cos he pays the rest", she'd still be putting most of her wages to the collective bills, and if he ups and leaves her tomorrow and is an arsehole she probably can't afford to work anyway,

Show quote history

Yes it is financial independence.

Having a job already, if the shit hits the fan, is much easier than getting one.

You may not like it but childcare is a shared expense. It isn’t all the lower earners responsibility.

If he’s an arsehole they aren’t married she will get nothing beyond child maintenance.

honeypie22 · 05/08/2023 08:57

I'm struggling. Single mum currently unemployed and I receive a pitiful amount my daughters dad.
It could be worse though, I pay my mortgage and I do without so my daughter isn't impacted. I know of people who are in a much worse of position than me so I'm not complaining too much!

PinkCherryBlossoms · 05/08/2023 09:01

Noschoolholiday · 05/08/2023 08:39

Yes this. Same situation here, and we are paying some nursery fees. I think if you look at your budget you should fine some money is getting wasted somewhere.

Show quote history

Yep, it seems a niche if not outright bizarre set of circumstances.

Beenhereageskeepchangingname · 05/08/2023 09:11

I haven’t read though all the posts , but I get the feeling that op is being jumped on a bit

i don’t think it’s personal op , people are just shocked that you can make it work

5k a month is a huge amount, and it’s a you problem if you are struggling with that .

one thing that did stand out-700 for train travel for work , and 300 pound petrol for work ? It seems a whopping amount, and if he has to travel for work purposes, surely he gets expenses paid ? That figure seems genuinely dodge to me .

also yes , you need to work . I agree it’s shit not to see your other half - we also worked opposite shifts when the kids were young.

we never have enough money at the end of the month , but we pay our bills , mortgage , run a car and manage a uk holiday every year on half your income, so something is going wrong .

I know I have already mentioned it , but to spend 300 on petrol, I actually don’t see how he has time to spend another 700 on the train - surly he must be driving most of the day ?

SleepingStandingUp · 05/08/2023 09:12

rrrrrreatt · 05/08/2023 07:57

deciding factor for happiness. Sorry my response sent too soon!

Show quote history

what proportion of yours is the 7k? I don;t understand how you can't afford a kid on a take home of 84k, even childcare when you return. Depending on your age, i'd start trying now and you'll find your cloth adjusts accordingly

Beenhereageskeepchangingname · 05/08/2023 09:26

ok I know I’m back .

I know different cars ect

but 300 fills up a car approx 3/4 times

each full tank gets 300-400 miles

five day working week Approx 20 days a month

that’s 100 driving miles a day plus 700 on train fair ?

I can’t see how he can fit it in a day , and definitely not every day

esp if you are in a city which I’m assuming due to your bonkers rent . That would take all day to drive .

sorry op , I’m calling bs .