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Original poster

I’m going to have to pull DD from holiday club due to her not stopping talking aren’t I?

199 replies

SheNeverStopsTalking · 03/08/2023 16:39

DD is 9.

In Holiday Club 2 days a week, 1 of those days I’m working the other day is purely to give me some headspace.

She talks from the moment she opens her eyes, until the moment she closes them but also talks in her sleep. She will wake me up at night if she can’t get back to sleep to have a chat. She will talk to me while we watch TV, describing whats happening on screen while I’m there, I can’t take her to the cinema as she talks all the way through the film!

It’s just me and her at home, so it can be extremely intense during holidays hence the 1 day a week break as otherwise I find myself needing a break. At least she’s out the house 5 days a week during Term Time – I work freelance so usually do 2-3 days work a week and give myself 2 or 3 days off, cut down to 1-2 days a week in holidays.

But DD is spending all her time talking to the adult leaders not taking part. If a familiar face turns up she might play with them/talk to them for 30 minutes or so but otherwise it’s just the leaders. I can see they’re finding it as tiring as I am. They tell me they swap leaders every hour or so, but there's 4 leaders to 60 kids so each leader is getting at least 2 hours a day of DD talking. She engages in conversations. She just talks a lot.

She’s not behaving badly, so they can’t technically ask I don’t bring her as the contract states – “A child will only be asked to leave holiday club if their behaviour is seen to be violent and/or dangerous to either one or all of 1) other children, 2) themselves or 3) staff”.

She chose where to go and what days to do it.

I did wonder if she felt overwhelmed by it as she has SN (dyslexia, dyspraxia/DCD, and general processing difficulties – main areas of this are audio and thinking speed - I also suspect ASD or ADHD but no-one else sees it) so thought it might be too busy/too much to process but she says she loves going, really enjoys it and everyones really nice and we're not getting any post holiday club meltdowns unlike after school where we have one nearly everyday so I now feel stuck.

I’m going to have to pull her out aren’t I just to save the leaders sanity?

OP posts:
Needmorelego · 03/08/2023 16:41

Could you get her an old fashioned tape recorder and microphone and tell her she has to talk into that when adults are busy?

GeorgeSpeaks · 03/08/2023 16:42

Have they complained to you about her? It's what they're paid for, don't worry!

Original poster
SheNeverStopsTalking · 03/08/2023 16:43

GeorgeSpeaks · 03/08/2023 16:42

Have they complained to you about her? It's what they're paid for, don't worry!

@GeorgeSpeaks No but they mention it everytime I pick her up "She's done a lot of talking again today" often with a big sigh at the end.

OP posts:

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MMorales · 03/08/2023 16:44

Dont pull her put.

But can they explain to her it's not time to talk, or to concentrate on an activity or something.

E.g. if playing football. Should be looking at the ball not standing at the side talking.

If doing colouring or making a poster- concentrate on that ?

AbacusAvocado · 03/08/2023 16:46

I wouldn’t pull her out. I have a son who talks constantly and honestly I need breaks from it. They are being paid, and she’s not actually breaking any rules. Only pull her out if they tell you to.

GeorgeSpeaks · 03/08/2023 16:51

@SheNeverStopsTalking that's what they get if they want to work with kids!

Is it something that causes you problems in your life though? What do school say? Does she need help making friends but finds adults more approachable?

Beamur · 03/08/2023 16:52

Don't pull her out.
The Leaders should be able to disengage appropriately if it's stopping them from working. Good for your DD to experience people politely redirecting her too - otherwise it looks like just an issue you deal with.
Do you ever put a limit on her chatting? My DD used to (still does..) get very focused on a particular topic and will want to talk about it at length. Luckily now she's 16 it's usually an interesting and engaging conversation but I struggled when it was Minecraft or Pokémon 😁😁 and would offer her 30 minutes of my attention but then we had to do something else (before my head exploded)

Original poster
SheNeverStopsTalking · 03/08/2023 16:53

GeorgeSpeaks · 03/08/2023 16:51

@SheNeverStopsTalking that's what they get if they want to work with kids!

Is it something that causes you problems in your life though? What do school say? Does she need help making friends but finds adults more approachable?

@GeorgeSpeaks Tbf she's fine at school, will chat to her classmates instead of working and need extra explanations, but tends to avoid adults at school.

If we go to the park she'll find someone to talk to, not always her age sometimes younger, but she'll find a friend if there's one around.

OP posts:
Original poster
SheNeverStopsTalking · 03/08/2023 16:54

Beamur · 03/08/2023 16:52

Don't pull her out.
The Leaders should be able to disengage appropriately if it's stopping them from working. Good for your DD to experience people politely redirecting her too - otherwise it looks like just an issue you deal with.
Do you ever put a limit on her chatting? My DD used to (still does..) get very focused on a particular topic and will want to talk about it at length. Luckily now she's 16 it's usually an interesting and engaging conversation but I struggled when it was Minecraft or Pokémon 😁😁 and would offer her 30 minutes of my attention but then we had to do something else (before my head exploded)

@Beamur Yeah I do that but then she sits in the same room talking to her toys or describing whats on TV, even when I say "I'm not listening you've had your time to talk" she'll say "That's ok I'll talk to myself" or "I'm talking to my toys"

OP posts:
MmmmSausageRolls · 03/08/2023 16:54

When they comment on the talking at the end of the day, just say thank you very much and you're so grateful to have a little bit of quiet time at home (said with a big smile). They have her on rotation for the day, then nothing all evening and she only goes twice a week. They get loads of time when she's not talking to them, you on the other hand are paying for a well deserved break.

GeorgeSpeaks · 03/08/2023 16:54

@SheNeverStopsTalking I would leave her in the club then and don't worry about her. She's clearly just a chatty person!

Theunamedcat · 03/08/2023 16:54

Tell them they need to be more proactive I have an info dumper (actually all three can get like it) you get better at heading it off or redirecting it when they get older I can now say we are watching the same film I can see just as well as you (in other words SHUT..UP) and they accept that

AndyMcFlurry · 03/08/2023 16:57

Defo don’t pull her out. It’s an aspect of her neurodiversity and they need to accommodate it.

amylou8 · 03/08/2023 16:58

What does she do at school? Surely the teacher doesn't let her talk roght through lessons?

Original poster
SheNeverStopsTalking · 03/08/2023 16:59

amylou8 · 03/08/2023 16:58

What does she do at school? Surely the teacher doesn't let her talk roght through lessons?

@amylou8 As above reply to George. She's fine at school, chats to her classmates instead of working and needs extra explanations but tends to avoid adults at school where possible - not in a afraid way more of a "I don't really want to talk to these people" way.

OP posts:
handmademitlove · 03/08/2023 17:01

I run holiday clubs. I have no issue with children who need to talk about everything and anything! This is often a way of processing information in a way that makes sense to them, particularly when in a new or busy environment or if they are anxious. Are there things you do at home that she will concentrate on without talking? I often have children who will sit and colour, or play with a Rubik's cube for example.

Deadringer · 03/08/2023 17:01

She sounds very similar to my dd except mine is less outgoing, she won't go to activities or clubs unfortunately. Absolutely do not pull her out if she likes going, it gives you a bit of head space and the leaders will manage her.

Beamur · 03/08/2023 17:02

@SheNeverStopsTalking
I had to laugh at that a little. I used to joke with DD that the only time she stopped talking was when she was asleep...
She's not quite so relentless now and did learn to reign it in at school once at high school.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 03/08/2023 17:03

Don't be daft. Keeping her in the club is far better for her, especially if she does have ADHD/AuHD (wouldn't surprise me, as DD was exactly the same and I would have been if anybody had been available).

Some of my favourite kids at work have been those with that need to be met, as there's a spark, there's excitement and interest about the world and everything in it. The world they want to see and experience and share their excitement about is a great place and it's a joy to be invited into it - especially when you're being paid to do for just two hours a day!

AtomicBlondeRose · 03/08/2023 17:06

I still encounter these students at sixth form. It mostly doesn’t bother me although I do a good line in nodding and saying “oh really?”. Can’t promise 100% engagement with everything that gets said to me but I do listen! I do sometimes have to literally
leave the room to get rid of talkers but I need some breaks in my day and the usually take it well.

greenacrylicpaint · 03/08/2023 17:08

don't pull her out.
sounds like she abdolutely needs interactions outside the home.

tell club leaders to encourage her to engage more with her peers.

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 03/08/2023 17:09

I also suspect ASD or ADHD but no-one else sees it

Well, talking non-stop to the adults and not engaging with any of the kids is a flag for potential ASC, especially if she does it more when she's feeling a bit overwhelmed. It's a social-communcation issue and maybe a comforting stim as well.

If she's happy then don't pull her out. Let the staff decide. If they can't cope then that's pretty solid evidence you can show to others.

ZiriForEver · 03/08/2023 17:09

Don't worry about it. We sometimes have a child like that at residential camp, and it is just one of those things.

Gymmum82 · 03/08/2023 17:10

Don’t pull her out. It’s literally their job. You are paying them for a service.
I have a talker. Sometimes I want to cut my own ears off. If they mention the talking again just say breezily ‘yeah she’s a chatterbox’ and move on. They can tell her to join in or stop talking. Sometimes when I’m feeling totally overwhelmed I’ll tell mine she needs to stop and go away as I need some quiet time

RudsyFarmer · 03/08/2023 17:11

I work in a similar role and yes it can be tiring and a little frustrating when a child attaches themselves to you and talks constantly. However it’s literally their job to manage this! So no I don’t think you should remove her unless you want to.