I’m going to have to pull DD from holiday club due to her not stopping talking aren’t I?

[SheNeverStopsTalking]

DD is 9.

In Holiday Club 2 days a week, 1 of those days I’m working the other day is purely to give me some headspace.

She talks from the moment she opens her eyes, until the moment she closes them but also talks in her sleep. She will wake me up at night if she can’t get back to sleep to have a chat. She will talk to me while we watch TV, describing whats happening on screen while I’m there, I can’t take her to the cinema as she talks all the way through the film!

It’s just me and her at home, so it can be extremely intense during holidays hence the 1 day a week break as otherwise I find myself needing a break. At least she’s out the house 5 days a week during Term Time – I work freelance so usually do 2-3 days work a week and give myself 2 or 3 days off, cut down to 1-2 days a week in holidays.

But DD is spending all her time talking to the adult leaders not taking part. If a familiar face turns up she might play with them/talk to them for 30 minutes or so but otherwise it’s just the leaders. I can see they’re finding it as tiring as I am. They tell me they swap leaders every hour or so, but there's 4 leaders to 60 kids so each leader is getting at least 2 hours a day of DD talking. She engages in conversations. She just talks a lot.

She’s not behaving badly, so they can’t technically ask I don’t bring her as the contract states – “A child will only be asked to leave holiday club if their behaviour is seen to be violent and/or dangerous to either one or all of 1) other children, 2) themselves or 3) staff”.

She chose where to go and what days to do it.

I did wonder if she felt overwhelmed by it as she has SN (dyslexia, dyspraxia/DCD, and general processing difficulties – main areas of this are audio and thinking speed - I also suspect ASD or ADHD but no-one else sees it) so thought it might be too busy/too much to process but she says she loves going, really enjoys it and everyones really nice and we're not getting any post holiday club meltdowns unlike after school where we have one nearly everyday so I now feel stuck.

I’m going to have to pull her out aren’t I just to save the leaders sanity?

I’m going to say dint pull her out too!

I think though you need to teach her that some times people need quiet time. In which case, she needs to ,earn to go to her bedroom to play/chat with her toys instead if doing that just next to you.
Or she needs to find an activity that is silent but she still enjoys.

It’s a skill she’ll need at school. And it will give you a way to tell her you need quiet time for 30mins.

Then, with kindness, you need to sent her out of the room. Otherwise how else will she learn?

Of course NOT
Because it’s the leaders job to redirect children, ensure everyone has time with them etc…. If they are struggling with that, it’s their issue, not the OP or her dd!

And tbh if they are struggling with a child that talks all the time, I’m wondering how they could cope with properly naughty children.

If another child had special needs and was a little demanding- but in no way naughty or dangerous, do you think they should be removed from the club?

Don't pull her out that's part of the job.
If she wants to talk to her toys while you have a break that's fine.
Push for a senco appointment at school to review it or go to go again.

I don't think the holiday club is the issue, it could be something else and you need to find out why.

I'd be tempted to ask 'Is that a problem?' every time they mention it, especially if they do the little sigh at the end.

My nickname as a child was rent-a-crowd 😳. I started talking at 10 months and haven't stopped. I love talking to people and the randomness of stories they tell and still do. As far as I am aware I am NT. I'm smart, hold down a great job, happily married and have talkative kids. I think it's genetic. I've learnt to control it more as I've aged as i know it's not everyone's idea of fun (I sit in meetings with an internal monologue of "don't speak, don't speak") . Does your DD engage in conversation or does she just talk at people? If it's the latter then it's probably going to be harder to fix. Don't pull her out, she sounds lovely and interested in life and people. If you get a break you might feel in a better place to gently start putting boundaries in place when watching TV or in the middle of the night. Just out of interest was she an early talker?

I'm a teacher, so whilst obviously not the same as being a holiday club leader, it's not that different. I wouldn't have a problem at all with a child who talked all the time. Not at all, not even a little bit, so I really wouldn't worry about it. There's far far worse things they could be doing than nattering, a play leader really won't bat an eyelid.

No don't take her out. Talk to her about turn taking in conversation. I've done this with children through something like a game of dominoes. Now it's your turn to lay a domino / talk. Now it's my turn to lay a domino / talk. Now we have finished the game and are going to have 5 minutes quiet. Set a timer so she can see it and knows when it will be time to talk again. This is an important skill for her to learn and she can do that at holiday club.

I don't think you should pull her out, but I think that she needs some help with managing her talking or people will start to get annoyed with her.

Rather than just constantly redirecting her, giving hints that you've had too much, coming up with excuses, allowing her to keep chatting to the toys in the room etc., you might need to be much blunter with her and tell her that other people need space and quiet. Tell her it's great to be chatty and outgoing, but that she has to respect other people's need for time without that much noise/chat/interaction in order for everyone to get along. If she doesn't stop chatting to the toys even after she has been told to, then you need to keep reminding her about 'quiet time' - not that she isn't allowed to say anything, but that she has to try to give people a break for a while. She is old enough to understand that other people might find her difficult or annoying if she is constantly talking, and even if she doesn't care about what they think of her, that they also deserve to have their needs met, which probably involves a bit of quiet time. If she continually refuses to acknowledge or engage with this idea, then you may need to be firmer with her - it's rude to keep monopolising someone's time like that.

There are ways of doing it that don't insult her or tell her to shut up or that what she has to say isn't interesting or worthwhile by focusing on the needs of other people and of modifying her behaviour to take them into consideration. it isn't just 'the way she is' but something that she can work on controlling. If she has ADHD or something similar, then she might find it more difficult to control, but you can still help her make efforts to do so. But I think you don't want to just tiptoe around the issue as something that is just an unchangeable part of her, especially if you are to the point of feeling that you have to pull her out of activities.

I am a teacher, I had a child similar to this in my class, constant chatter, could be about absolutely anything but their voice had to be heard no matter what. This child ended up having talk tokens for every lesson. Once the tokens were used up they had to write what they wanted to say on a whiteboard or in a notebook.
It was very disruptive for everyone in the class, the other children got fed up with the constant chatter and chiming in and not getting a turn to talk. Their levels were affected too.
I am saying this as it seemed from your post that you thought it ok for your dd to be chatting to the children during lessons.

you need to put in place a point where they know it’s not acceptable to talk and when it is. It is a social skill she needs to learn, neurodivergent or not.

Agree you shouldn’t pull her out.
the tape recorder to talk to is a great idea. Also I’d be getting her to write down or draw as much as possible to help stop the gabbling! I can see why you want some time out! X

Please let her go. You'll have a break and it could be a turning point if she sees others aren't talking all the time or the teachers there have ways to help her decrease.

They're trained leaders. If they don't want her to talk to them incessantly, they need to work out how to put a stop to it.

But. You need to put a stop to it at home too. Tell her to go in her room and tell her toys. Speak (quietly, or elsewhere) into a recording device. Not to interrupt you when you are watching TV or otherwise doing something. Definitely she is old enough to entertain herself when she wakes up at night - that alone would drive me insane and There Would Be Many Cross Words And Consequences.

You brush all this off breezily (chatting at school instead of paying attention is super disruptive - I'm surprised her teachers haven't put a stop to that). But she needs to learn to regulate this.

I wouldn't pull her out. However I might start looking at some strategies to limit it even at home as it will limit her friendships and will likely become an issue for her and others as she gets older. Timers, talking to her toys in her room rather than whilst others are watching something etc all might help to build her awareness that she can't monopolise others by talking at them.

@Littlewhitecat She engages in conversation and her conversation can be redirected, so for example we might be talking about Lego and I can say ""What did you have for lunch today?" And she'll tell me happily what she had for lunch and move onto something else. Her conversation also isn't all one thing, it'll be 5-10 minutes talking about lego, then it might be the shopping trip we went on at the weekend. She also asks questions so with me it'll be "Whats for dinner?" "Are we walking to school or driving?" "Can I watch Spongebob later?" etc. it is very two sided, although possibly slightly more weighted to her.

HC have said that she's not talking about any one thing in particular, it's just everything.

@Littlewhitecat She didn't speak a word until she was 4, even when she started school she was still considered preverbal.

This is also what annoys me, as I constantly said "When she talks I'll never be annoyed by it" and I am annoyed by it.

@Myknewname No its not ok for her to talk in lessons at all, and I do support the teacher when it's mentioned to me. It was to point out how she is at school. Teacher isn't concerned by her level of speaking in class, says it's not beyond normal for a Y4 (well Y5 as of September but she has the same teacher this year).

This. They sound very rude.

Do you have any other club options for her? Something very active so that her sensory needs are being met and with very clear structure for her.

Unstructured social time can be very difficult for neurodivergent DC, it sounds like at school she understands the processes more and the teachers roles, but maybe doesn’t really know what is going on at this club

Is your DD quiet if she is playing a game on a screen? If so then encourage her towards one at times at home, guilt free, so you can have a breather.

Another one saying don't pull her out. She's enjoying it. You need the break. You are paying for a service, and they are childcare workers who need to manage the situation.

Your DD sounds like a lovely girl, even if the talking if a little bit full-on. She is doing nothing that breaks their rules or risks the safety of herself or any other child and therefore she should absolutely be entitled to stay.

But it does sound as if there is more going on that just a chatty little girl. If you are already considering going down the ASD/ADHD diagnostic route (I also have an ND child, and would agree that from what you are saying, it is definitely worth exploring for your DD), it might be worth getting specific feedback from the play workers this summer, and using this as part of your argument in the process.

The internal “don’t speak, don’t speak” made me smile. I have ADHD and am familiar with this. Are you sure you’re neurotypical? 😄

Honestly, they will have had a whole lot worse. Seriously, don't take her out of it, she's just a chatterbox.
If you ask her to talk more with the children, what would she say?

The best and funniest comment from my DDs teacher in year 2 "she's used up her word count by 10am". She's now 14 and not quite so chatty. Thankfully. Although the running commentary thing does happen occasionally.
Unless they've specifically said it's too much I would let her be.

Another one saying don’t pull her out!! It’s literally their job to tell her it’s time for football (or whatever) now and it’s not time for chatting. I know a lot of holiday clubs are staffed mostly by teens with varying levels of enthusiasm so yeah maybe they are getting a bit annoyed but kids can all be annoying at times and I doubt that’s the worst they will deal with this summer.