I’m going to have to pull DD from holiday club due to her not stopping talking aren’t I?

[SheNeverStopsTalking]

DD is 9.

In Holiday Club 2 days a week, 1 of those days I’m working the other day is purely to give me some headspace.

She talks from the moment she opens her eyes, until the moment she closes them but also talks in her sleep. She will wake me up at night if she can’t get back to sleep to have a chat. She will talk to me while we watch TV, describing whats happening on screen while I’m there, I can’t take her to the cinema as she talks all the way through the film!

It’s just me and her at home, so it can be extremely intense during holidays hence the 1 day a week break as otherwise I find myself needing a break. At least she’s out the house 5 days a week during Term Time – I work freelance so usually do 2-3 days work a week and give myself 2 or 3 days off, cut down to 1-2 days a week in holidays.

But DD is spending all her time talking to the adult leaders not taking part. If a familiar face turns up she might play with them/talk to them for 30 minutes or so but otherwise it’s just the leaders. I can see they’re finding it as tiring as I am. They tell me they swap leaders every hour or so, but there's 4 leaders to 60 kids so each leader is getting at least 2 hours a day of DD talking. She engages in conversations. She just talks a lot.

She’s not behaving badly, so they can’t technically ask I don’t bring her as the contract states – “A child will only be asked to leave holiday club if their behaviour is seen to be violent and/or dangerous to either one or all of 1) other children, 2) themselves or 3) staff”.

She chose where to go and what days to do it.

I did wonder if she felt overwhelmed by it as she has SN (dyslexia, dyspraxia/DCD, and general processing difficulties – main areas of this are audio and thinking speed - I also suspect ASD or ADHD but no-one else sees it) so thought it might be too busy/too much to process but she says she loves going, really enjoys it and everyones really nice and we're not getting any post holiday club meltdowns unlike after school where we have one nearly everyday so I now feel stuck.

I’m going to have to pull her out aren’t I just to save the leaders sanity?

Don't take her out . Children learn by example and being in this environment will help her to develop skills.

Well that blows my theory out the water. As a self confessed talker she can learn to regulate it and you should be seeing boundaries for when talking isn't appropriate. So if she wants to chat in the middle of the night, direct her to read a book and reiterate it's not talking time. I have an enthusiasm for people, facts and life even as a middle aged woman but have learnt to control it to acceptable levels. Good luck

@SheNeverStopsTalking absolutely do not take her out of the play scheme unless they actually evict/ban her!
They are paid and trained to manage all types of children, you need a break and your daughter benefits from you getting the break you need.

Tell her to shhhh once in a while maybe?

I see you’ve mentioned ASD and ADHD. It could be either, or both! Sounds like, quite aside from the impulsivity/hyperactivity side of having to talk all the time, she also lacks the social awareness to understand that a constant stream of consciousness/narration of her life isn’t welcomed.

Sympathies, I know what it’s like! Do push for assessment. No one could see my daughter’s ND traits either but I pushed for assessment and I was right.

Our DD is another constant talker, if you're anything like me you'll need time apart to recharge so keep her in the club.

We're currently in the process of being assessed for ADHD and ASD for her, apparently excessive talking is a hyperactivity trait.

With all honesty OP I'd pull her out of this club..but not for reasons you think! The way these club leaders are speaking to you about her at the end of the day with the inclusion of the sigh doesn't bode well with me. I work in childcare and would never speak to a parent about their child in this way. It makes me wonder if they are sighing at you what kind of replies are they giving her? Are they rude to her? Are they sighing at her after everything she says?

I went to these after-school/holiday clubs and I still remember the "I don't want to be here" staff members who just weren't interested in taking care of your needs. I've seen it plenty in nurseries too which is why I moved on to do private work.

There will be other places who will welcome your daughter's conversations and report back to you at the end of the day with positive conversation about their day. Yes, it can be frustrating but at the end of the day we're trained to take care of kids of all different needs and personalities. Just because she talks more doesn't mean she should be excluded and withdrawn from things. Please look at other options for both of you

She already has diagnoses of neurodivergent conditions.

She didn't talk til after 4.

She doesn't stop talk about everything and anything.

It's causing issues at home and at HC.

You've considered her potentially being autistic and/ or having adhd.

That's all enough to suggest you're right. And you've described one of my AuDHD kids, myself, my mum. We are all AuDHD.

Please remind the HC leaders that she is neurodivergent and can they please redirect her when she's chatting at them, as otherwise she won't learn. Exasperating as it is, they're being paid to deal with people's kids and some of those kids will have disabilities and other needs.

You need the break.

100% this!

Also, your DD sounds a lot like mine

I used to work with kids and still occasionally run workshops for children and I say no don’t pull her out!

They’ll have to manage her excessive chatter by politely disengaging or redirecting her - that’s part of their job and they should be developing the skills to do that if they don’t already have them.

She’s not being abusive or violent etc to staff or children so there should be no reason for you to have to pull her out .

Spot on @PostageAndPackaging

I’d missed the post about her being essentially non-verbal until age 4+. That really is a screaming red flag for autism so I’m shocked you’re getting knocked back when you’ve asked for a referral OP.

With all honesty OP I'd pull her out of this club..but not for reasons you think! The way these club leaders are speaking to you about her at the end of the day with the inclusion of the sigh doesn't bode well with me. I work in childcare and would never speak to a parent about their child in this way. It makes me wonder if they are sighing at you what kind of replies are they giving her? Are they rude to her? Are they sighing at her after everything she says?

This is also a good point. So I’d add if you do remove her, do so for the sake of your child not them.

As an aside... wow. I can relate to this so much. I sit there saying to myself, keep your mouth shut.

DS is currently waitlisted for assessment for ADHD (inattentive type). And I'm really starting to think that I have it too. It would explain so, so much.

Don't pull her out as she needs to be around other children if it's just you and her at home. My dd gravitated towards the adults when she first started school until year 2, it was her and I so I understand how you feel.

Don't pull her out! I have a kiddo that sounds just the same (dyspraxia/ADHD). The leaders will be fine. Get the break you need so you can be an attentive parent when she's home. I also have helped my kid understand how my brain works so that they understand the times I'm not able to listen or need a break (I say my brain has filled up and I need to drain my brain before I can pay attention again or I'll get overwhelmed).

Does she have ADHD? This was and is how my daughter presents

"She's done a lot of talking again today" often with a big sigh at the end.

That is an awful attitude.

A 9 year old is old enough to understand that she needs to shut up sometimes.

I have a 12 year old with ASD who would tell me every fucking minute detail of his life from morning until night, but he doesn't, because I tell him when I've had enough and hr understands that sometimes, he needs to shut up!!!

🤣 I'm pretty sure I'm NT just can't keep my mouth shut!

Dont pull her out, DS1 was the same.. in fact he won a certificate at school for managing to 'sit quietly for 10 minutes in class'
As others have said, its up to them to manage it appropriately.
I will add, DS1 was borderline ADHD and Aspergers when tested at university, and has an incredible brain for facts and figures..
Your DD may be tiring now, but she'll go far in the world!

They will tell you if they can't deal with it. Really they should be able to tell her nicely to go and play with the other children. Leave her be.

I love chatty kids, please don't problematise her it's so shaming.

I wouldn't pull her out. I would start considering what you might be able to do to help her regulate this in future though.