I’m going to have to pull DD from holiday club due to her not stopping talking aren’t I?

[SheNeverStopsTalking]

DD is 9.

In Holiday Club 2 days a week, 1 of those days I’m working the other day is purely to give me some headspace.

She talks from the moment she opens her eyes, until the moment she closes them but also talks in her sleep. She will wake me up at night if she can’t get back to sleep to have a chat. She will talk to me while we watch TV, describing whats happening on screen while I’m there, I can’t take her to the cinema as she talks all the way through the film!

It’s just me and her at home, so it can be extremely intense during holidays hence the 1 day a week break as otherwise I find myself needing a break. At least she’s out the house 5 days a week during Term Time – I work freelance so usually do 2-3 days work a week and give myself 2 or 3 days off, cut down to 1-2 days a week in holidays.

But DD is spending all her time talking to the adult leaders not taking part. If a familiar face turns up she might play with them/talk to them for 30 minutes or so but otherwise it’s just the leaders. I can see they’re finding it as tiring as I am. They tell me they swap leaders every hour or so, but there's 4 leaders to 60 kids so each leader is getting at least 2 hours a day of DD talking. She engages in conversations. She just talks a lot.

She’s not behaving badly, so they can’t technically ask I don’t bring her as the contract states – “A child will only be asked to leave holiday club if their behaviour is seen to be violent and/or dangerous to either one or all of 1) other children, 2) themselves or 3) staff”.

She chose where to go and what days to do it.

I did wonder if she felt overwhelmed by it as she has SN (dyslexia, dyspraxia/DCD, and general processing difficulties – main areas of this are audio and thinking speed - I also suspect ASD or ADHD but no-one else sees it) so thought it might be too busy/too much to process but she says she loves going, really enjoys it and everyones really nice and we're not getting any post holiday club meltdowns unlike after school where we have one nearly everyday so I now feel stuck.

I’m going to have to pull her out aren’t I just to save the leaders sanity?

God don't pull her out, you must need the break!

btw they - and you - might find some visual signals help. Like holding a hand up to mean stop talking. Or a coloured card. Sometimes kids who talk a lot take in visuals better.

Surely the teacher will pull her up on talking to the other children when they are meant to be doing work, otherwise the other child won't be able to get anything done.

If she likes chatting to her toys, is there an area in holiday club that she can do something similar?

As a woman with ADHD this was me as a child. I was friendly, good grades etc but teachers and my family would always tell me I talked to much. It's littered through my school reports and was so bad I was spent 20 mins speaking to a random telemarketer as a kid before my mum caught on. Yet no one would have suggested ADHD because it was all internal, I didn't look like the naughty boy at the back of the class who couldn't sit still.
Unfortunately diagnosis for ADHD is so male centered that this isn't considered part of official diagnosis but I would highly encourage you to look more into it and try to get support.

Hate to mention this but…my much older sister is 80 yrs old and she is still a non stop talker, whether you’re driving, watching tv, eating a meal…etc.

I even remember my mum telling me that Mary started talking as soon as she reached the gate coming home from school and didn’t stop until she fell asleep in bed! 😳

God knows how her husband has survived all these years. 😂😂

Also just to follow up on this, I found it much easier to relate to adults than a child, maybe because they were attentive or maybe because I didn't always understand how to play in the same way other kids would so this could be similar with her.

Don't pull her out. You need the downtime. You're paying them for childcare, they should be able to handle directing her away from constant chat.

It’s fine! She’s been there, what four or five days so far? It’ll just be a confidence thing- she’s more secure talking to the adults but as time goes on, I’m sure she’ll start talking to the other children instead and participating in general.

Im sure the adults are on top of this. I imagine if she’s still spending the sessions talking to them next week, they will start to be proactive about redirecting her attention.

It’s good she’s comfortable talking to the adults. I have a ND girl - now a teen but at that age would have taken some time to talk to anyone.

I think a PP’s point about you needing a break is valid. Your relationship with her is the most important thing and having a break helps you both.

If the club leaders raise this with you, just follow any advice or input. But til then - it’s all good.

Tell the leaders to be blunt with her "sorry, I need to be keeping an eye on all the children, can't chat". And perhaps you could tell her to stop monopolising the leaders time.

No don’t. It’s better you can have a break to deal with it all better

Are the holiday club inclusive for those with SEN? I’d be looking into their policies. I wouldn’t expect them to give feedback on the day with a sigh at the end, that is not helpful!

For what it’s worth, my DD is similar in terms of talking non-stop and had anxiety issues last summer and the club she went to were very inclusive and happy to help flex for her needs without a diagnosis when I told them we were waiting for an ASD assessment.

The speech and language therapist who was part of the subsequent assessment picked up her talking style as an indicator - I’d always just thought she was a child who liked to talk a lot (as I did as a child) but there were stylistic points he mentioned that I’d never noticed. So stick to your instincts and push for a referral if you can as early intervention will be helpful.

if she’s enjoying the club I’d keep her in but with a discussion with the leaders about possible SEN and how they can help accommodate.

Hell no! She is practicing her speech. Nothing wromg with that.
She can only overcome her issues with lots and lots of practice.

I’d suspect something like Autism, wanting constant adult attention and not engaging with peers plus not able to read room - Mrs x at club has 30 children to mind she can’t just talk to you.
If club are ok with her there I’d still send her but flag up your concerns.

The adults should be able to deal with her appropriately.

she won’t be the first child who just wants to talk to the adults, nor the last.

If the teacher at school is explaining something or its assembly /presentation etc does she talk to friends in that situation?

I would let her keep going, the leaders are paid staff and need to deal appropriately with her. Ive been in an adult class where a student would not stop talking, the tutor was very professional and every single time would say something like ' I really like hearing your thoughts Jane but you need to stop talking and listen now, however I would love to check in with you at the end of the class'.

Etc

She is monopolizing time that the leaders could/should be spending with many other children.

Of course she should be pulled out, if she literally is spending hours talking at people who have responsibility for a group.

Can you hire a teen or someone to work with her one-on-one? What do you do at home to curb her? How does she get through the day in school?

No she shouldn't be pulled out. It's the leader's job to redirect her so that their time is spread fairly. If they are unable to do that, then they can raise the issue with OP and look for solutions. But she should not be pulled out on the basis of a sigh.

The leaders will have way worse kids to deal with trust me! Unless they specifically say her talking is a problem just let her go.

If she feels nervous around the other kids perhaps the leaders could buddy her up with a different child each day to rotate her talking around her group?

Then I’d put her in her room and say ‘I have asked for quiet time and to watch the film without you talking’ just firmly but gently.

Listening is a vital skill.

try an audio book with headphone - then she tells you about it at the end.

Don’t pull her out.

You need the break. You are paying, they’re not doing it as a favour.

Enjoy the peace and quiet.

Agree with this entirely. Don't pull her out of guilt or because of how you've interpreted a sigh - you're hypersensitive to your daughter's chattiness and may well be reading too much into it. The leaders will raise it properly if it's a problem, but honestly, they should be able to handle a talkative kid.

You certainly don’t need to pull her out, they can cope and find her things to do.

Longer term I would get her assessed although she might well grow out of it.

Can you be a little firm with her, tackling one thing at a time - starting with not talking when the TV is on. And certainly don’t do any chats if she wakes up.

She sounds like a lovely kid but I get why you need a break sometimes. It intense otherwise. I would keep her in holiday club as she enjoys it.

Would she enjoying reading aloud? Maybe the staff could encourage her to be a special helper for the younger kids and read them some stories when they might be flagging in the afternoon/after lunch?
She might also enjoy being asked to keep a holiday club scrapbook. She could stick in any crafts she has done or draw pictures of how she played and write a little paragraph or so to accompany it. It would encourage to do some activities to fill the scrapbook, give her some focus whilst she completes it and she could even take it into school in September to talk about how she spent the summer.

I used to work in a library, and we had children like this coming in. I used to tell them that as we were busy, and had other people to deal with as well, they were only allowed one more question, or to tell the staff one more thing, and that they had to go away, and think about what was the most important to ask or tell me.

Blimey - stop with the overthinking.

The OP is basing her worries on thinking the leaders are sighing, which may well be oversensitivity on her part.

The leaders will raise it if it’s a problem, otherwise they’ll have plenty to distract a talkative kid with. It doesn’t need any more thinking about.