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Original poster

Please tell me batshit things about your work.

713 replies

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 02/08/2023 11:21

I am unwell and hunkering down with MN and TT for the day.

I’ve just started a new job (today is a day off), it’s all new, I’m not settling in as well as I’d like (I’ve gone from a tiny place to a HUGE one) and I’m kind of hyper-focussed on different work practices right now.

Funny stories will cheer me up.

I’ll start.

At my new work they use poly pockets/polywallets UPSIDE-DOWN!

They go in upside-down and they slide the paperwork upwards into it.

I find it so, so weird. Each time I look at them I’m like, WTAF?

Anyway, that’s mine. Please share yours. Entertain me with batshitness. I beg you.

OP posts:
Droppit · 02/08/2023 11:40

People at my work use the hot water tap to fill the work kettle. I find this very wrong 😅

Theredfoxfliesatmidnight · 02/08/2023 12:07

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 02/08/2023 11:21

I am unwell and hunkering down with MN and TT for the day.

I’ve just started a new job (today is a day off), it’s all new, I’m not settling in as well as I’d like (I’ve gone from a tiny place to a HUGE one) and I’m kind of hyper-focussed on different work practices right now.

Funny stories will cheer me up.

I’ll start.

At my new work they use poly pockets/polywallets UPSIDE-DOWN!

They go in upside-down and they slide the paperwork upwards into it.

I find it so, so weird. Each time I look at them I’m like, WTAF?

Anyway, that’s mine. Please share yours. Entertain me with batshitness. I beg you.

Whaaaaaaaat!? Surely everything just falls out the bottom when you pick it up!

Djchickpea · 02/08/2023 12:12

You use polypockets?

Theredfoxfliesatmidnight · 02/08/2023 12:13

I am massively micromanaged. I have to pick the phone up with my left hand, because my manager is left handed and this is what she does. I am not left handed.

I am instructed not to LOOK at things (for example a company handbook during some quiet time) as this is not allowed.

Arguing is pointless as I just get shouted down. I am a fairly assertive person but the level of crazy isn't worth it, I am just quietly looking for something else.

Wow this is so nice and cathartic, looking forward to hearing stories from others 😁

deflatedbirthday · 02/08/2023 12:15

We have three different sites. I receive paperwork from one site in the internal post that I have to compete and send back via internal post. It takes 3 days each way.

I suggested scanning and emailing... it fell on deaf ears

PuttingDownRoots · 02/08/2023 12:17

DH is currently working on a Navy base.
They act like its an actual ship... the gate is called the Gangplank, leaving is called going ashore, when he started he was welcomed On-board... the CO is piped aboard each day....

Original poster
TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 02/08/2023 12:18

Djchickpea · 02/08/2023 12:12

You use polypockets?

Hell, yeah. Polypockets are where it’s at.

But only the right way up.

Having random paperwork falling onto my feet is NOT where it’s at.

OP posts:
GCAcademic · 02/08/2023 12:18

I line manage people who are more senior than me. And at some point in the future I will be myself line managed by someone less senior to me.

MoreCoffeeAndCake · 02/08/2023 12:19

I started a new job 2 months ago. When we respond to customer emails, we have to be really formal and use dear sir/madam, yours faithfully etc. We're not in a formal profession like law and customers must think we're weird when they email being friendly and we go back with a formal email.

Working on changing it, but managers seem stuck in dark ages.

superplumb · 02/08/2023 12:21

One manager used to fill the sink with hot water to wash up...which is fine but couldn't understand why 6 hours later noone wanted to wash their crockery in cold dirty water!

Aquamarine1029 · 02/08/2023 12:22

I am instructed not to LOOK at things (for example a company handbook during some quiet time) as this is not allowed.

What? I don't get it. How do you not look at things and how can looking at the company handbook not be allowed?

cocksstrideintheevening · 02/08/2023 12:24

there's a ridiculous amount of people trying to prove their 'busyness' so I am responsible for 1 thing, totally my role, but some eager beaver emails someone else about it, who emails me, and then someone else does the same thing ad infitum.

I have already done what needs to be done without including a cast of thousands and the people who need to know, know. Pisses me right off.

There is also a rumour that glasses from the kitchen are being taken into the bathrooms for bumwashing purposes. Needless to say I use my own water bottle.

Fucking Teams. Ping, Ping, Ping.

givemushypeasachance · 02/08/2023 12:26

Civil service. The hiring/firing arrangements are byzantine - it's very difficult to get rid of someone who is not good at their job, that's well known. But equally it's very difficult to hire new people!

We have someone substantively on our small team, who is currently working for another team instead. That is a maternity leave cover, but the maternity leave person is themselves on a temporary promotion, covering someone else who is also on a temporary promotion, covering for someone who is leading a project. It's like a conveyancing chain of madness. Anyway, we can't replace the dude on our team permanently as he's ostensibly going to come back, and no one around is suitable to do it as a TP or transfer, so we'd like to get an agency person in. It has taken months to run recruitment and the agency person still can't start as we can't get the appropriate CRB sorted for some reason between the agency and our HR dept. It's a bloody faff. We just need another warm body at this point, anyone!

Brefugee · 02/08/2023 12:26

I am massively micromanaged. I have to pick the phone up with my left hand, because my manager is left handed and this is what she does. I am not left handed.

I do this and am right handed, so my pen is in my writing hand and I'm ready to write notes

TotallyKerplunked · 02/08/2023 12:34

I get asked to make explosives, for fun, no risk assessments or proper equipment, does that count?

chatw0o0 · 02/08/2023 12:43

Fucking Teams. Ping, Ping, Ping.

@cocksstrideintheevening - I'm sure I can even hear that annoying sound when my laptop is switched OFF! 😣

Cucucucu · 02/08/2023 12:47

I’m a team leader and work from home , I don’t work Wednesdays, last week I thought Tuesday was Wednesday and missed a days work ( I worked Saturday to compensate ) nobody even noticed . It helped me realise the person who take on my work on Wednesday does very little .

RattleRattle · 02/08/2023 12:50

This reply has been deleted

This user is a goady troll so we've removed their posts.

Pringleface · 02/08/2023 12:54

I used to work for a company where paper clips were banned.

TheBloatedMiddle · 02/08/2023 12:54

I once got a warning letter for starting a mass e-mail with 'Dear Colleagues'. It was to staff members of all ranks in the organisation inviting them to a meeting.

My boss initiated the warning letter and said that he was in no way my colleague, he was my Superior.

Fine.

He also telephoned my landlady (who he knew through friends but not directly) to ask her if I routinely had men to stay in the apartment.

I complained about that but no warning letter went his direction. Hmm

4 years of fucking misery in that job.

WonderingWanda · 02/08/2023 12:54

PuttingDownRoots · 02/08/2023 12:17

DH is currently working on a Navy base.
They act like its an actual ship... the gate is called the Gangplank, leaving is called going ashore, when he started he was welcomed On-board... the CO is piped aboard each day....

I quite like that, makes me think of Mary Poppins!

Some of the others are crazy though. @Theredfoxfliesatmidnight that's a whole other level of batshit. What does your manager do if you pick up the phone with the wrong hand?

HadEnoughOfBears · 02/08/2023 12:55

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 02/08/2023 11:21

I am unwell and hunkering down with MN and TT for the day.

I’ve just started a new job (today is a day off), it’s all new, I’m not settling in as well as I’d like (I’ve gone from a tiny place to a HUGE one) and I’m kind of hyper-focussed on different work practices right now.

Funny stories will cheer me up.

I’ll start.

At my new work they use poly pockets/polywallets UPSIDE-DOWN!

They go in upside-down and they slide the paperwork upwards into it.

I find it so, so weird. Each time I look at them I’m like, WTAF?

Anyway, that’s mine. Please share yours. Entertain me with batshitness. I beg you.

You still use paper? 🤣

RoseBucket · 02/08/2023 12:59

PuttingDownRoots · 02/08/2023 12:17

DH is currently working on a Navy base.
They act like its an actual ship... the gate is called the Gangplank, leaving is called going ashore, when he started he was welcomed On-board... the CO is piped aboard each day....

I was a sea cadet many many many years ago and we had to do that, our ‘ship’ was a village hall. 😆. Wish I could remember what HMS we was!

AppleTurnover1000Degrees · 02/08/2023 13:02

I recently worked at a company and the boss didn't trust bank transfers so still wrote cheques (he's not really old) which annoyed me as it made it harder to do bank recs. That's up to him but I got a bollocking for not paying my cheque in straight away.

Pleasemrstweedie · 02/08/2023 13:02

Too many to mention, to be honest, but I never understood why we spent so much money on scheduling/diary software, only to put all appointments in a paper diary as they were made and then have someone else have to go and sit on Reception (so unable to do their own work) for hours, while the receptionist inputted the contents of the diary onto the system. Or, frankly, why we didn't make live the facility for service users to make their own appointments.

It took ten years in the end.