Haven't bathed /shower in weeks

[Ted10]

So what it says really I have not bathed or showered in weeks . I have washed as the basin. I had not washed my hair in weeks until about 5 days ago and I just washed it over the side of the bath . The back of my hair was matted . But I kind of covered it with long hair.

This is all linked to a DV situation towards me From a family member. We are getting help now. But I have not been able to leave my kids alone so that I can get a bath/shower. Even when the kids were at school I still didn't. Because I felt like o was permanently on egg shells.

It's been similar with cooking it was either throw in the oven stuff or take aways. Because I could not spend time on the kitchen.

As I said there's some support put in place for that person now. But I'm finding it hard to get out of the mindset that I can't do the simple things.

If anyone recognises my situation. I'm not going into it all . And I won't respond to any judgement or nastiness. I'm not in the right mindset to be dealing with that just now.

I just Need to let things go so that I can do these normal things and stop bring such a scum bag

Do you have any idea why he's pressuring you to have friends over? That quite odd?

I'm not sure how to take it. Because of how things have been, I can over think stuff. And its difficult to untangle the typical teenage stuff. And him trying to control things. So it could just be him wanting friends to stay over like teenagers some times do.

Sounds annoying! Does he expect you to be around or are you free to absent yourself?

It's concerning that you refer to him as a teenager tbh. Nobody want to live with a partner like that.

@Chickenkeev, I could be mistaken, and OP doesn't have to elaborate any more than she feels comfortable doing, but I interpreted from her posts that he isn't a partner. DA can sadly be perpetrated by other family members.

That's the thing . I'm getting mixed messages weather they are meant to be staying tonight or tomorrow. If its tomorrow then I will be taking dd to the cinema. And I will be telling the parents that I'm out for a few hours

Oh, sorry. My bad!

Foot down so, you're going out. Don't let other people mess you around. You have every right to know plans in advance so you can plan your day.

Its my son. I had not really intended on talking about him as such. It was about how I was coping with daily stuff that should come naturally. I suppose it was a thread that i needed to do to get a bit of support for my personal self. To try and push myself into doing the normal stuff. Like sorting my hair taking a shower. Preparing a bit of food etc then over time on the thread other bits have slipped in. I don't have anyone in real life that I can truly speak to . So I sometimes post what im thinking.

I have posted before about him and I'm probably easy recognised because it's not a common situation that's shared due to stigma Shame and judgement.

He is getting help/support which is great and I just have to trust that it will help although I'm not 100% trusting of it. It fantastic that he's getting some help . But there's Been no help/,support put in for me and DD. It f*#ks with your head mentally

I have been a bit of a privk to be honest. I was not thinking straight. I was thinking at least me and dd can get out of their way fir a few hours.. now I have realised its not a good idea to leave 16/17 year olds in the house like that 😔

HIS FRIENDS OVER. Not hers!

@Ted10
First of all, well done for making it to the cinema in the first place!

That must have been quite a step forward, so hope you can feel good about that achievement? (And if you don't at the moment, you will when life gets less complicated).

Remember you're under no obligation to share on MN any more than you want to, so please never feel pressured about that.

You're right, society's yet to catch up with getting educated about teen-to-parent abuse. Far more common than most realise.

You say your son's getting professional help (vital), but you and your DD not much.
Might the understanding people here help? They're non-judgemental and friendly.
https://www.familylives.org.uk/advice/teenagers/behaviour/teen-violence-at-home

Phone: 0808 800 2222/ email to [email protected]/ use their site's livechat message service.

Best of luck x

#teamTed10

Thank you . I will definitely look at ot as there's no harm.

Where my son is on a waiting list for a domestic violence programme. I looked at it and there's a course type thing for parents. I thought it might be a good idea to kind of run along side with what he's doing. But its a video group which is near impossible for me to do. As I can't get the privacy. I'm really fed up with all the video type stuff.

The cinema was not to bad. It was probably hard for DS as well .

I did manage to kind of put my foot down a bit last night . He asked if we could have a bit of a tidy up day, Today which of course is a good thing and what teenager offers to help tidy.. so thought take it whilst I can. (BUT) his tone was quite nasty and demanding . So I told him I will only do it if its done is a positive manner. So no nasty tones or vibes said we can put music on and have a good tidy up vibe. I said if he starts demanding then I won't do it.

@Polly291869 sorry i forgot to reply to the rest. Yes society definitely needs to catch up with child/teen to parent DV . Most seem to have a good understanding of partner/relationship DV. But when it comes to child to parent its a whole new kettle of fish and there's a big lack of understanding and judgement. And every day there is someone who makes you feel like its your fault. Weather that's somewhere like MN or even professionals or in life generally. But saying that there there has Been great support as well. I don't want to dampen that by saying what I just did .

And yes I know I don't have to explain things I don't want to. It just kind of ends uo happening even though sometimes I think am I safe to say that or not .

Sending love and strength and

Thank you . Its not Been a bad day so far 💐

Ds keeps really going onto me about how bored he is. He is really in my face . It did go through my head that me ,him and DD could go to kaspas. But then ds started on the she's looking at me stuff through a kind of mini tantrum. Just brang home some more that we can't even sit at a table to eat ice cream. And have to think about everything. Like I could take DD but then it's not fair on DS but then I take them both . And it's just gonna cause upset. So we just end up not going.

I just want to make it clear that I do love DS to bits I really do. I know it must come across like I don't. But I honestly do. I would not be trying so hard if i did not . Its just upsetting not to be able to do simple stuff. And trying to juggle family days out where there's no kick offs .

You really do come across like you love both of them, don't worry. You're allowed to be frustrated and fed up. Kids (as lovely as they are) can be a slog sometimes, there's no shame in saying that. With you as a mum, they will turn out well, this time will be over. KOKO as they say, you will get there.

And like, they have to learn to be bored, it's a life skill. We all get bored at times, we all have to learn to deal with it. In a productive way. Like going on MN 🤣

I'm actually bored shitless even though I have stuff I should be doing. I bought a big ikea unit around 6 ish weeks. Because of all the stuff that's been going on. I still have not finished it. All I have today is fit one of the lower doors. There's ones hire up that I need to fit but I can't hold it and screw in the hinges at the same time.

I'm meant to be sorting out food . And I'm just sitting here moaning. Not even logic

But you're sitting with your boredom if you get me, you're not putting it on anyone else. You're just feeling bored and meh re the stuff you could be doing. And tbf, nothing wrong with that whatsoever!

Boredom buddy if you ever need!.

I'll start, watching a (great imo) programme called Reeling in the Years. An Irish programme but it shows you all the news of the day in 1967/77/87 or whenever while playing the music of the time. I love it!

I have actually got of my butt a decided to cool. Its very basic. Just pasta chicken sauce and chicken .

I hardly ever watch TV. Normally my 2 younger ones are here. They are at their dad's at moment. Back on Sunday. They take over the TV. And it's generally noisy. Actually I do watch long lost family if I remember. Stuff that's easy to watch. I sometimes watch a bit if TV in bed that's normally a murder type documentary. Which I guess is a bit weird

Is the news it shows you all Irish or a mix?

I watch as much as i can on irish telly (if you can get Reeling in the Years, watch it, it's brilliant) but sometimes Paramount+. Mostly i watch irish politics type telly tho..