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Original poster

Haven't bathed /shower in weeks

301 replies

Ted10 · 30/07/2023 21:00

So what it says really I have not bathed or showered in weeks . I have washed as the basin. I had not washed my hair in weeks until about 5 days ago and I just washed it over the side of the bath . The back of my hair was matted . But I kind of covered it with long hair.

This is all linked to a DV situation towards me From a family member. We are getting help now. But I have not been able to leave my kids alone so that I can get a bath/shower. Even when the kids were at school I still didn't. Because I felt like o was permanently on egg shells.

It's been similar with cooking it was either throw in the oven stuff or take aways. Because I could not spend time on the kitchen.

As I said there's some support put in place for that person now. But I'm finding it hard to get out of the mindset that I can't do the simple things.

If anyone recognises my situation. I'm not going into it all . And I won't respond to any judgement or nastiness. I'm not in the right mindset to be dealing with that just now.

I just Need to let things go so that I can do these normal things and stop bring such a scum bag

OP posts:
uncomfortablydumb53 · 01/08/2023 00:14

I'm so glad you managed a bath, a clean of the bathroom and are doing an online shop
Don't worry too much about food at the moment Buy whatever is easiest and while he's out try and just "be"

Original poster
Ted10 · 01/08/2023 00:45

Just want to thank everyone for such a lovely thread and being so supportive and understanding although I was not being all that logic.

I do feel much better for now. So I'm going to hang into that for now . And just allow it to be that way .

I have managed to have a bath , wash and sort my hair .
Done 2 lots of clothes washes
And a food shop.
And clean 1 bathroom.

I have someone coming over tomorrow so I'm going to be forced to tidy up down stairs . It's not overly bad but needs doing.

Thank you all again I think had I not had the support you have all given. I would have been in the same negative mind set. So thank you. 💐💐💐💐💐

OP posts:
cariadlet · 01/08/2023 00:47

This is the first time I have come back to this thread since last night.

OP, you have been awesome. You have had a bath, washed your hair and started to think about meal planning.
That is huge in terms of both what you have actually done and the change in your mindset since your first post.

Please stop beating yourself up for what you see as 'faults'. You weren't being a prick today. You were trapped in a cycle of worries and negative thoughts which led to a kind of paralysis which made it impossible for you to act.

I had a girl in my class who was seeing a councillor because of her anxiety.
I'm on holiday at the moment and don't have any of the materials with me so might get this a bit wrong but I'll try to remember.

One thing he got her to do was everytime she worried about something, to try and stop and think whether it was something that was likely to happen or was she just thinking, "What if..."

Then, for the former, she was encouraged to plan what she would do if the thing happened.
But she was also encouraged to recognise the "What if.." worries and throw them away.

You might possibly find that helpful.

Sugarplumfury · 01/08/2023 00:53

OP you’ve done amazingly today, despite the constant state of red alert you are in. Don’t worry about cooking/freezing stuff. That’s a lot to wrap your head around and when your head is full of thoughts/what ifs and problem solving, you need things to be as easy and as quick as possible I think. Baked spuds with cheese/beans, fish fingers, peas, a tomato and some carb or other. Yoghurt, fruit, pasta and grated cheese or pesto. All fine and pretty quick and easy to put together. A good multi vit for the kids and for you and some vit d would probably be a good idea. You are doing so well. Don’t put yourself under any more pressure than you can deal with. You may feel really tired tomorrow after doing all this today, and that’s ok. If it’s helping to post on here keep going.

So many of us have been in some sort of abusive or hugely challenging relationship. It’s so isolating, so I hope just knowing there are people who understand and are sending you lots of love and strength.

Original poster
Ted10 · 01/08/2023 01:36

Sugarplumfury · 01/08/2023 00:53

OP you’ve done amazingly today, despite the constant state of red alert you are in. Don’t worry about cooking/freezing stuff. That’s a lot to wrap your head around and when your head is full of thoughts/what ifs and problem solving, you need things to be as easy and as quick as possible I think. Baked spuds with cheese/beans, fish fingers, peas, a tomato and some carb or other. Yoghurt, fruit, pasta and grated cheese or pesto. All fine and pretty quick and easy to put together. A good multi vit for the kids and for you and some vit d would probably be a good idea. You are doing so well. Don’t put yourself under any more pressure than you can deal with. You may feel really tired tomorrow after doing all this today, and that’s ok. If it’s helping to post on here keep going.

So many of us have been in some sort of abusive or hugely challenging relationship. It’s so isolating, so I hope just knowing there are people who understand and are sending you lots of love and strength.

Thank you. Yes I decided not to cook and freeze. I think I'm better doing quick basic meals for now. My adult dd done a basic meal plan for me. So I shopped that . I will put a note on my fridge to reminde myself. Its so expensive starting to think takeaways are cheaper.

The vitamin thing Just reminded me I need to contact my GP. I don't think my body takes in vitamin D. I had infusions when I was pregnant. I thought it was just a pregnancy thing. But a friend told me its a long term thing not a pregnancy thing .

To be honest i spent most the day sitting on my butt. Everything was done in a very relaxed manner.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ted10 · 01/08/2023 01:51

cariadlet · 01/08/2023 00:47

This is the first time I have come back to this thread since last night.

OP, you have been awesome. You have had a bath, washed your hair and started to think about meal planning.
That is huge in terms of both what you have actually done and the change in your mindset since your first post.

Please stop beating yourself up for what you see as 'faults'. You weren't being a prick today. You were trapped in a cycle of worries and negative thoughts which led to a kind of paralysis which made it impossible for you to act.

I had a girl in my class who was seeing a councillor because of her anxiety.
I'm on holiday at the moment and don't have any of the materials with me so might get this a bit wrong but I'll try to remember.

One thing he got her to do was everytime she worried about something, to try and stop and think whether it was something that was likely to happen or was she just thinking, "What if..."

Then, for the former, she was encouraged to plan what she would do if the thing happened.
But she was also encouraged to recognise the "What if.." worries and throw them away.

You might possibly find that helpful.

The what's ifs and planning what to do is difficult as it all depends on other people's ways . I think for now I have to take things as they come for now. But when there is a good day I should allow that tather than question it. And the what ifs

Yes I think I was definitely mentally stuck
I know that it happens sometimes. But I have no choice but to pull out of it. Because I have the kids to think about so I can't be doing that.

OP posts:
SequentialAnalyst · 01/08/2023 02:14

To be honest i spent most the day sitting on my butt. Everything was done in a very relaxed manner.

Extra points for this, OP Smile

Original poster
Ted10 · 01/08/2023 02:24

SequentialAnalyst · 01/08/2023 02:14

To be honest i spent most the day sitting on my butt. Everything was done in a very relaxed manner.

Extra points for this, OP Smile

🤣

OP posts:
Polly291869 · 01/08/2023 03:31

You're doing so well, @Ted10.

Hang on in there. And remind yourself frequently that you have the collective support behind you of all posters on here.

We have faith in you.
And appreciate how draining the required mental gymnastics for your present circumstances must feel.

Yet you're all the while taking care of the others.
Keep on keeping on...

#teamTed10

Wallywobbles · 01/08/2023 05:43

What would make the shower feel safer? Might keeping your underwear on and maybe a sleeveless t-shirt. Or wearing swimwear?

Wallywobbles · 01/08/2023 05:50

@Ted10 i can get great over the counter VitD in France where I live v v cheap like €2 for a months supply of drops. I'm coming to the Uk at the weekend and could send them to you if you DM me an address. Doesn't have to be yours but somewhere you can get to.

Letsgoforaskip · 01/08/2023 08:56

Wow you did amazingly! Well done you and your DD. Hopefully having that food order done will make it easier next time.
Those of us who can relate to aspects of your situation recognise how mighty those achievements are. You are getting through this one step at a time. We’re all rooting for you 🌷🌻

Original poster
Ted10 · 01/08/2023 09:46

Polly291869 · 01/08/2023 03:31

You're doing so well, @Ted10.

Hang on in there. And remind yourself frequently that you have the collective support behind you of all posters on here.

We have faith in you.
And appreciate how draining the required mental gymnastics for your present circumstances must feel.

Yet you're all the while taking care of the others.
Keep on keeping on...

#teamTed10

Thank you so much. Has to be done there's no choice. Yes definitely draining . Thank you for lovely post

OP posts:
Original poster
Ted10 · 01/08/2023 09:48

Wallywobbles · 01/08/2023 05:43

What would make the shower feel safer? Might keeping your underwear on and maybe a sleeveless t-shirt. Or wearing swimwear?

Thank you. Its not that kind of problem. Kind of getting there now

OP posts:
Original poster
Ted10 · 01/08/2023 09:50

Wallywobbles · 01/08/2023 05:50

@Ted10 i can get great over the counter VitD in France where I live v v cheap like €2 for a months supply of drops. I'm coming to the Uk at the weekend and could send them to you if you DM me an address. Doesn't have to be yours but somewhere you can get to.

Thank you thats really kind. But i will be ok 👍

OP posts:
Original poster
Ted10 · 01/08/2023 09:57

Letsgoforaskip · 01/08/2023 08:56

Wow you did amazingly! Well done you and your DD. Hopefully having that food order done will make it easier next time.
Those of us who can relate to aspects of your situation recognise how mighty those achievements are. You are getting through this one step at a time. We’re all rooting for you 🌷🌻

Thank you. Yes thinking I'm turning a corner. It could have been worse it was practically like a couple of days and I managed to pull out of it. The thread helped alot might be up and down a bit according to the day. But have to plod along

OP posts:
Original poster
Ted10 · 01/08/2023 10:02

I didn't get to sleep Till 4.30 this morning. Don't even know why . 😭. Trying to wake myself up a bit. I need to tidy my kitchen hall, living room, bathroom as I have someone coming over. Really can't be bothered.

OP posts:
Sugarplumfury · 01/08/2023 14:39

I’d just clean the Kitchen and bathroom if you’ve got someone coming. I just do the absolute essentials sometimes. Especially after a bad nights sleep.

Original poster
Ted10 · 01/08/2023 15:01

Sugarplumfury · 01/08/2023 14:39

I’d just clean the Kitchen and bathroom if you’ve got someone coming. I just do the absolute essentials sometimes. Especially after a bad nights sleep.

Yeah that's what I done. Its mot that bad anyway

OP posts:
EezyOozy · 02/08/2023 19:15

That’s what I do - keep the lounge, kitchen and downstairs loo clean/tidy . The rest of the house is a tip!

YoBeaches · 02/08/2023 19:22

How are things today OP? Did he come home from staying out?

Original poster
Ted10 · 02/08/2023 19:35

YoBeaches · 02/08/2023 19:22

How are things today OP? Did he come home from staying out?

Hey came back this morning. He's asleep . Very run down today .

OP posts:
Polly291869 · 04/08/2023 08:27

How are you going, @Ted10?
Hope past couple of days a bit easier.

#teamTed10

Letsgoforaskip · 04/08/2023 09:12

Thinking about you too.

Original poster
Ted10 · 04/08/2023 09:34

Polly291869 · 04/08/2023 08:27

How are you going, @Ted10?
Hope past couple of days a bit easier.

#teamTed10

Thank you for asking . We went to the cinema last night just me and him
Not much conversation but still at least we managed it.

He keeps really pressure me to have friends stay over. It's doing my head in
I said maybe but I want to speak to the parent first. Then he told me told mei had said 2 nights. He's really going on that I said 2 night when I know that I didn't. I'm struggling with the thought of 1 night so no way would I have agreed to 2 nights.

I'm also struggling with him/dd its petty shit but it does my head in. And because I'm constantly on edge it feels worse . It's just really stupid shit . Like if Dd happens to look in his direction or there's a sarcastic comment from one of them. It turns into a madness from his side when it does mot Need to.

OP posts: